It's Thankful Time Again

We're closing in on Thanksgiving, and we will be taking the kids and escaping to Vermont to go skiing this year. FIL and wife have left for St. Martin for 2 weeks, and Hubby doesn't want to stay home. So he found us a house to rent, and we'll drive up Thursday morning (with a cooler full of stuff for turkey dinner) and come back on Sunday. The kids are looking forward to the trip, and I am too.
Things to be thankful for:

• Hubby
• The Boy and the Drama Queen
  
• Both of us are employed.
• Both kids are healthy and doing well in school.
• The extended family has its variety of problems, but so far it looks like they are getting resolved.
• Books to read.
• Reviews to write.
• Classes I enjoy teaching.
• Booktalks I enjoy giving.
• The Christmas cards are done and only have to be addressed and mailed!
• VINO!
• Lexapro
• warm sweaters
  
• fleece anything
• curling up with a kid on each side watching The Wizard of Oz or The Princess Bride (or any Star Wars)
  

I see so much that is frightening these days, with people losing jobs and homes, and the economy cratering, and it makes me grateful every morning to get up and look at my family and see that they are all right. It's scary to think that things are more precarious than we realize -- that's what makes me appreciate what I have.

It's A New World

Well, maybe not literally. But politically in America, you can't ignore it. We have stood witness to history, and this is something that my children and I will be able to tell their children, and maybe their children's children: that The Boy and DQ peeked over the voting booth table and watched me vote for the first black President of America. And not because he was black -- because I thought he was the best man for the job and I thought he had the best chance of doing what needs to be done to make this country a better place for my family.
Grandmona isn't just rolling in her grave... her ashes are spinning like a frickin' tornado in there.
God bless the Obama family. And God bless all of the Secret Service agents charged with keeping them safe. I hope they succeed.

I'm Done Being Undecided

Well, after months and months of wobbling back and forth on the political fence, I've decided. I sat home for 2 days this past week with a nasty sinus infection and flipped back and forth between all of the biased news networks to see what the latest scoop on the end-run of the campaigns was... and it was amazing to me the spin being thrown all over.
I turned it all off on Friday and made a list of all of the things that were truly important to me.
And then I thought about everything I had heard the candidates themselves say about where they stood on the issues and what they would do (or not do) about those things.
My list pretty much revolves around my children and my retired parents.
1. End the war in Iraq. I don't want my son ending up drafted at 18 because this war had to be "won." I think ending the war will start the process of rebuilding this country's international reputation, which has been entirely destroyed.
2. Fix the Social Security/Medicare mess so my parents aren't destitute.
3. Use the energy crisis as a catalyst for moving to alternative fuels, and creating jobs based on those energies (building wind/solar infrastructure and retooling car manufacturing for hybrid/alternative cars).
4. Invest in education, especially science and math.
5. Change the health care system. It's completely broken and needs some kind of massive overhaul -- including malpractice lawsuit laws.
6. The Supremes. Looks to me like we will be in need of anywhere from 1-3 new Supreme Court justices in the next several years. I want decent, rational justices who look at the constitution as their guiding document. I do not want Roe v. Wade overturned because of evangelical religious pressures.

While I don't want my taxes to go up, if it means sacrifice in the short term to fix our long-term problems and make a better life for my kids (and for when I retire), I am willing to face that. I am hoping that things we have now can be rearranged to better address our needs, but looking at the looming deficit and the Social Security/Medicare hole we are going to fall into in 10-15 years, I don't think it's realistic to think we can do it without some overall belt-tightening all around.
And thus, looking at the candidates, I have come to the following conclusions:
1. War... Obama looks most likely to end the war. McCain keeps talking "victory" which smells fishy to me. Palin doesn't help him win me over on this one.
2. Social Security/Medicare... it's a tossup to me. They both recognize the problem and both seem willing to look into serious reforms and changes.
3. Energy/Environment ... Obama has more detailed plans and ideas than McCain. Period.
4. Education... Obama wins this one again with more detailed plans and ideas. McCain just isn't giving enough information, which makes me think he considers this a lesser issue. It's not for me.
5. Health care... Obama has a more comprehensive reform plan, but it sounds like socialized medicine on the surface. McCain wants to give money for buying the insurance, but also wants to tax medical benefits -- so it doesn't sound like he actually wants to make sure people can do this. I'm leaning Obama on this one because I know we need to do something major, and maybe this is what we are going to have to do to make sure everyone has health insurance and can receive competent care.
6. Supremes... McCain loses dramatically here. I don't see him as one who will nominate justices without the Roe v.Wade litmus test. This is an area that will have serious ramifications long after the next president leaves office, and I don't want to have to fly out of the country with my daughter or niece should they get into "that sort" of trouble and want a choice. I think Obama and Biden will be more likely to nominate justices who are more reasoned and constitutionally mindful.

Here's what I don't give a shit about: Palin's clothes and children, Biden's blathering, people Obama has met who have weird ideas or priorities, and McCain's wife's money. None of that makes one bit of difference in my life.

Based on my list of priorities and what I gleaned from the candidates' speeches, debates, and websites, I'm going to be crossing my fingers and voting for Barack Obama and Joe Biden. I think they want to address the concerns I think are important, and I think they will tackle them in a way that benefits the most people.

I hope. And I will vote on Tuesday.

And isn't that about all we can do at this point?

I love my kids...

Every now and then, I get a jolt that makes me see how good my life is. Much as I bitch and moan about things, I do have a lot of wonderful people and opportunities in my life that make it worth putting up with all of the rest of the mundane bullshit.
Today's jolt: my realization that The Boy is a really, really great kid. What caused this? I got a phone call from a parent of one of the kids who is in his afterschool program. Her daughter's homework planner was MIA, and she asked very politely if I could check to see if The Boy had picked it up mistakenly. I checked, and only found his planner in his backpack. The chilling shrieks and bloodcurdling screams that came over the phone next made me feel extremely sorry for the mother who was putting up with her 7-year-old's atom-splitting tantrum since we didn't have her planner. After the call was over and my hearing had started to return to my right ear, I went into the living room and hugged The Boy and told him I was really glad that he could handle problems and be helpful. When Hubby returned home and I told him about the call and how glad I was that our fella didn't throw tantrums like that, his response was "Well, we don't put up with that crap -- he knows if he did that, he'd get a smack and get sent to his room. So he doesn't do it." Frankly, I think it's more than that... it's more than fear of getting a smack on the butt and having to sit up alone in his room. It's that we make an effort to talk with him about solving problems and coming up with alternatives when he gets into situations like lost homework or whatever. He's used to us talking about feelings and giving words to use, not just when he's feeling out of sorts, but when we are too. He sees the Drama Queen going into her four-year-old rages and how we try to talk her through them, which doesn't work about 90% of the time, and she ends up with the smack on the bottom to get her attention and the trip to her room to calm down, but we do start with the talking and end with it after she's settled down. We're heavy on the old-school parenting, but we also make a concerted effort to listen, to talk through things and to deal with feelings and situations. I think you have to have both methods as options -- just smacking your kids doesn't work, and neither does talking at them when they are so pissed off that they are incapable of listening. It's all about balance, and sometimes that is really hard to find... but isn't that part of being human and wandering through the wilderness of parenting? Anyway, back to the jolt business, even though my kids are not perfect, and I am definitely not mom of the year, I do appreciate all of the joy and wonder my kids bring to this crazy family we have, and I hope those are the parts they remember most when they are grown.

HA!

Wizards vs. Vampires... it's all settled now.

Best Comment Tonight

Comment from Violent Acres post:

"When the worst that can happen to you for acting like a bitch/asshole is having to deal with another bitch/asshole, you don’t really have enough incentive to stop being a bitch/asshole.
Odds are you feel you can out-bitch/asshole the other person.
But Bitch can’t beat Crazy. Crazy wins every time."

And the Mama stands up and applauds! I think a lot of crazy shit, and only ballsup and do it occasionally, which explains most of the mouthy nonsense that comes out of me, like the faculty meeting favorite: "All I wanna know is WHO'S GONNA TOAST HER NUTS?" when the personnel director for the school district sent out a memo that teachers who ran the state test prep sessions for 6 weeks after school every day were only entitled to 75% of their pay for that after school time, not time-and-a half like other people who have worked a full day and are putting in overtime. That one's going to show up at my retirement party, definitely. The best part of that one was when the principal covered his crotch with one hand while he was staring at me after I let that one loose.

If I did it more often, they'd commit me.

No, seriously.

Some days that might not be a bad thing.

Thought we were done with this for a while...

Got a call 2 weeks ago from beloved baby sister. She was in the hospital after exploratory surgery where they found a sizable tumor in her uterus (and through it, and headed for other places). It's fast-growing, ugly, and causing a lot of hemorrhaging. They didn't catch it earlier because no one paid attention to her complaints because of her age -- she's 37. At this point, she's looking at radiation, chemo, and a fullblown hysterectomy. I have a feeling that due to her age they will give her the nastiest, ugliest chemo/rad combo they have in order to cure her. They did that with Lulu, and she went 17 years...
Called Hubby to come home early from work so I could take Mom out and tell her. Selfishly, that was a horrible call to make and an even worse conversation with Mom. It's been 2 weeks of hell getting phone calls that I am desperate to do something about (like go get myself arrested in Texas for reaching down her first radiologist's throat and ripping that whore's lower intestine out through her teeth). On top of that I kept it from FIL and company because I did not want anyone asking Mom any questions before she flew home this past Wed., or have her worry that they would even if I told them they couldn't. Told UM, but he has plenty of sense about that so trusted him, and he came through with flying colors. Told OFL this week and he was supportive. The best thing I did was to set up the teaching schedule with Eeyore so that I did NOT have to teach first marking period -- I teach all the classes 3rd, she's doing them all 1st. So if I have to leave and go to Texas (looks like I will) than the worst I will have to deal with is setting up a schedule of dropoffs and pickups with FIL and Hubby, making up for lunch duties when I return, and making sure UM takes the kids on the weekend for a little while to give Hubby a break while I am gone. I'm not planning to be gone more than 4-5 days grand total once or twice, and I have no idea how I will pay for the plane ticket(s), but I DON'T CARE. Told FIL tonight. He is supportive --anything I need. I doubt that includes my plane ticket, but maybe he will help me get to the airport (esp if it is Kennedy -- maybe he will call Rudy's for me and have them drive me).
Fucking cancer.
I thought we were done with this shit for a while.

Ball Family Reunion

Today we drove up to Goshen CT to the Ball Family Reunion hosted by Steve's cousin Chris Byrne and FIL's Aunt Mary (as she is the last of Grandpa Ball's generation). The kids had a good time running all over and swimming in the pool, and there was a family tree to add to (we did) and a lot of old family pictures which were cool to see. Aunt Mary let us bring home some of Grandpa Ball and FIL so that we could scan them and get copies printed -- that will be fun! :)
Chris owns Stonehill Kennel in Goshen (lots of land and they have space for 75 dogs now and are adding a barn for about 60 more spaces). He trains dogs for a living as well as providing kennel care for people who need to board their dogs. He did a show and tell with his big German shepherd, Zeebo, and it was amazing. Z is trained in all the basic stuff (heel, fetch, stay etc) but also in defending Chris and his property. One of the trainers was wearing "the sleeve" and Chris yelled out a command and Z went right for the arm to take the guy down. He didn't let go until he heard the release command, which BTW was NOT in English -- sounded sort of like German, but it wasn't. Chris said that Z was born in Czechoslovakia, so the commands could well have been in Slovak. If I could remember any of them, I'd ask our beloved 94-year-old neighbor who speaks Slovak! Anyway, it was very cool how well trained Z was, and Chris said he hadn't worked with him in some time. If we ever do hit the lottery and somehow get a house with a decent amount of property, I want to get a dog from Chris, or a puppy that he later trains when it's old enough.

The Man and His Boat

Yes, Hubby came home with a boat on Monday night. I truly wasn't expecting it (knew he'd gone "to see a man about a boat"), but when I called him to see where he was and he said "We're hooking it up and I'm bringing it home" the kids were ecstatic. FIL came over and ended up helping him navigate backing the boat and trailer into the driveway (thank God, I would have been disastrous at that). FIL looked really pleased with Hubby and with the boat -- haven't seen that in a long time.

The Boy and I decided to surprise him by cleaning as much of the boat as we could on Tues., and we had a good time doing that. I spent an hour using the shopvac on the interior "cuddy cabin" (read: slightly larger than a crawl space, perfect for the kids or for stowing a folded up dead body). After finishing the vacuum job, it was evident that underneath all of the filth, which included an ancient mouse nest, a lot of pine needles, tree leaves and dirt, we actually had blue carpet. I was also slightly deaf after running the shop vac that long.

The Boy did all of the windows and took to scrubbing dirty spots while he clambered all over the boat.










I took a scrubby sponge and Cascade liquid dishwasher detergent to the seat cushions. Amazing -- I really thought we were going to have to replace the cushions because they were so filthy and looked so stained, but the Cascade took out virtually every bit, including some stains that looked like rust.






Hubby had apparently been planning on spending a day cleaning the boat, but when he got home on Tues he was really happy that wasn't necessary any more -- he took it right down to the shore and got a couple guys to help him put it in the water.




The boat is 21 1/2 feet long with one 175 hp Yamaha motor, which seems to run just fine. He took it out with U.J. yesterday evening from the harbor, and swung around up into the river. We met them at the docks of the new condos, and we all rode back to the harbor. The kids loved it! The town marine permit troll at town hall was very much of the opinion that we wouldn't be able to get any kind of docking space whatsoever, and Hubby hasn't seen the dockmaster yet... hopefully he'll get something manageable. He's got it in a friend's spot at the moment.

shopping in po-cho

Went to the grocery store about noon after Hubby came home from camping with the fellas. I usually try to go before noon, but didn't happen today.
Today's entertainment was the woman who came in speaking Spanish, dressed in a half-safari outfit (pith helmet, khaki button down shirt and lime green cargo shorts and orange flipflops). She was carrying what looked like five or six Home Depot 2x3x8's over her shoulder and I could not for the life of me figure out why she was carting them up to the service desk at the Stop and Shop. Had milk and frozen stuff in the bags ready to go to the car, so didn't wait to find out what she was planning on constructing in the grocery store. Then leaving the parking lot, I spotted a nice looking family walking down the sidewalk, looked like they were dressed for church, until the ladies parted and the kid in front of them drifted to the rear of the group. He was wearing some kind of oompa-loompa outfit in bright neon orange, and there were wide horizontal stripes going across his ass that made him look about five times wider than I am sure he actually was. I was wondering what kind of problem he caused at home to be punished like this! When I get a download cord for my phone I swear I am going to start recording sightings like this.
Have gotten back into the reading groove, and have finished off several books in the last week. I've started posting reviews online along with a list of planned reads. I have a few more that I found at Diane's and Barnes and Noble that I haven't listed yet, but I'm getting there.
Am going to the Dormouse's for lunch tomorrow, and am planning to take peach shortcakes if I get them baked and ready between dropoffs, cleaning and lunchtime. Part of me wants to check in on the Hundred Acre Wood and part of me really doesn't want to have anything to do with the place.

Summertime is here

I've now had a full week off from work and only two phone calls from OFL. Not bad. DQ was home all week with me, and we did lots of shopping (got plenty of hair clips etc for wedding hair day, plus some on-sale clothes and shoes for her). We also went to the Bronx zoo and went for a camel ride together there. Got a great pic from the zoo folks! It was really cute. Hubby is off for the night camping with a bunch of guys in boats off Long Island somewhere, so munchkins and I are on our own tonight. Looks like popcorn and movies tonight as we went swimming over at FIL's earlier and they are now pretty tired. Next week will be the beginning of duck-and-chuck here as both kids are going to be in camp and day care, so I will be a relatively free woman for 4 days. Fri is FIL's birthday party, for which I am baking pies and then Sat is wedding day for FIL and GF, who will become step-mother-in-law (SMIL). Can't think of anything better to call her at the moment so am sticking to that until inspiration strikes.
Good news: Elizabeth comes this week to clean, so if I can get the place decluttered Mon and Tues there's a shot my house might actually be presentable to more than just the family this week.
It's hot today, and I have put off turning on the ACs about as long as I'm willing.

HOT HOT HOT!

It's roasty toasty around the Hundred Acre Wood these days. More than half the building has no AC, and we hit 97 degrees by my truck's thermometer ( a little less than that officially but I think they cook the numbers myself). Tomorrow is supposed to be just as lovely.
I had scheduled an almost complete shutdown starting today, but with the heat we had five classes (100-120 kids plus teachers) per period coming into the media center. Drop the blinds, shut down half the lights, tell the kids to shut up so there's less hot air,and we should be good to go, yes? Normally, that's not a big deal -- just extra bodies and teachers, but we were supposed to be going into full-blown duck and chuck mode in preparation for packing up the joint.
Not so fast, Poindexter.
We got next to nothing done. I freaked out and sent an email to Betty Boop basically saying get me some professional help or I really will need professional help... and her response was that the principal should be calling a half day any time now. Like that fucking helps. I am down almost an entire packing day. OFL was more than a little pissed because I didn't tell him I was going to do that-- I just copied him on my rant and let it fly.
Busy, the custodial Havemeyer Dwarf, showed up for at least the third time for me to tell him I need help with packing and moving and at the very least I NEED BOXES, DAMMIT. I keep expecting him to show up with Happy, Grumpy and Doc. Sleazy, Asshole, Godfather, and Dopey we have already. Found out today that Frankenstein is on vacation until Friday. Who the hell takes a vacation UNTIL Friday? Arrrrgggh.
Had my year-end-meeting with OFL this afternoon after we muddled through the early dismissal at 1:15. Apparently I have now been there several years. Other than that, the only issue I had with him was that the last line read that he was so happy that I was going to supervise the media center renovations all summer and that meant he could focus on the gym. I blew a minor gasket and told him I better get paid for any time I got called in for that bullshit.
I don't think he thinks I'm serious.
I think he will by August.

So many cliches, so many tax dollars wasted...

This week brought us one of the most ridiculous stories of the year. Front page news in the paper: one of our elementary school principals has been suspended for 1) not allowing a father to personally deliver birthday cupcakes to his daughter's 4th grade classroom and 2) realizing that since a verbal and generally understood policy probably needs a published side also, putting the information about the policy online on the school website after the parent had left.
Cupcakegate.
Meanwhile, Betty Boop the superintendent apparently has nothing better to do than listen to this disgruntled parent whine. And now the principal has a lawyer, the unions are involved, the district lawyers are involved, the papers are selling like hotcakes, and tax dollars are evaporating. I'm wondering what exactly it is that the superintendent would like to distract us all so much from.
Hmmmm.
Let's see. The district had to go to the town and request additional money so that they could finish the several-million-dollars-over-budget new elementary school which is 18 months months behind schedule, and also get money to clean up the mold in the modular classrooms those kids have been housed in for 3 years during construction. Oh, and let's not forget finding money to move all those kids and teachers around the district so they could finish the school year when the modulars had to be closed due to contamination.
This summer there are millions of dollars worth of renovation projects going on across the district. Using what has occurred over the last four weeks at my school as a sample, I can say definitively that there will also be significant cost overruns on those projects. Why? Here's our situation:
The projects approved for our school include removing the carpet in the media center and large meeting room, and replacing it with a combination of carpet and tile. The gym foundation has sunk past the point of no return, so they will be removing the foundation in about 4/5 of the gym (everything except the girls' locker room, where is title IX when we need it?), and replacing the foundation with one which has supports driven to bedrock, replacing the gym floor, remodeling the boys' locker room, and creating a fitness center space where the old "gang showers" used to be. Unforgiveably, they are leaving the girls' locker room, smelly, mildewy and dilapidated as it is -- ALONE. Beyond that, they are painting approximately 1/3 of the building.
Sounds good, right? Sounds like they are tackling some major issues, yes? Yes, but not well planned.
They allotted $30K to replace the carpet. Given the age and condition of the facility, they are required to test for asbestos. They did this not long ago, and the results came back predictably positive. So now we are looking at major asbestos abatement which will cost upwards of $50-60K. That doesn't include the cost of packing and moving everything out of the media center -- all shelves, 18,000 books, equipment, computers, furniture... which we are now faced with. Add to this the fact that we have ancient shelving which is not only ugly as hell, but heavy, bolted together yet falling apart, and only through direct divine intervention will all of it survive being moved out and back in. Shelving is pretty expensive -- just replacing the five wall sections in the reference area will cost at least $4K. The freestanding sections are even more expensive. All in all, we've gone from a basic $30K replacement to over $100K of costs because no one considered advance planning other than "gee the rug hasn't been replaced in over 30 years, guess we better do that because the principal's pushing for it."
That's not even starting with the gym project. They've been drilling holes to try to determine what's under the foundation (and in it) and figure out what the story is with the walls, but the reality is that they are very likely going to find some more expensive surprises once they open that all up. That happened when they built the addition to the school several years ago -- they discovered that the major outside wall supports of the original building which were supposed to be filled with concrete were hollow, rusting, and in danger of collapsing -- so if we wanted to attach the new building to the old we had to fix the original rusting supports so that the buildings wouldn't pull each other down. What's SUPPOSED to be there according to the plans ain't necessarily so. And this is what you get when you go with the low bidder on a job.
All in all, I think Betty Boop downtown has better things to do that deal with Cupcakegate. Either that, or if she really does think that bullshit is important enough for her phenomenally expensive time, then the board needs to tell her "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."
I think quelling the mass exodus of talented people from the district, turning around the despicably toxic atmosphere of mistrust and mismanagement, and being responsible about the major projects being undertaken all far outstrip the needs of somebody who's pissed off about 9 year olds and cupcakes.

The Mama's Lament

I am still damnably tired. It's Thursday, for heaven's sake, and I am still TIRED! I think I'm getting old. This sucks.
I went to Washington with the 8th grade last week, Tues - Fri. Last year, I loved the trip. We had a busload of fagioles (dipsticks) but we made it work and we had a wonderful time. This year, I was on a bus with different teachers, and that went better than I thought it would. We had the Boss, who organized the whole trip, but relaxed as soon as he got on the bus, my Roomie, who was awesome, and Miss Cruise Director who kept getting on the bus microphone to catch up on all the 8th grade gossip, hookups and breakups. We had a lot of fun the first two days, even with the Midnight Runner who got caught traipsing around the hotel barefoot in her pjs (and we couldn't send her home because her mother is bipolar and her father is a schizoid unmedicated artist). Anyway, Midnight Runner got transferred temporarily to our bus and got summarily velcroed to my right leg for the day, with the Asst Principal's instructions "just make her miserable today." Lovely. You can imagine how long that lasted for me. We spent the day at Arlington and the Capitol and the Archives (lunch at Air and Space which was McDonald's and Rolaids). We got back to the hotel an hour before we had to leave for the dinner cruise, and the kids were berserk. The girls were just in the halls loudly comparing clothes and skipping between rooms. The boys were doing dumbass things upstairs (like ramming skulls into doors). Unfortunately, hotel security got called. Not good. The dinner cruise was fun, got lots of adorable party pics of the kids. Decided the flash on the Nikon needs a boost, though. Thursday was the day the shit literally hit the fan. I got grabbed in the hallway by a couple of girls saying "Mrs. B, O. doesn't feel good." O. had been barfing all night, and hadn't gone out after the first volley or sent anyone out to tell the all-night security guard on our floor. She looked awful. Another one barfed in the hallway outside the breakfast room, and the third one just came down and shook like she'd been in a freezer all night. The AP was hemming and hawing on what to do. Good GRIEF. Put sick kids in front of me, and what's a Mama to do? I stayed at the hotel and took care of sick kids all day. We had barfing, diarrhea, fever, chills, panicky phone calls from faraway mothers, and by 12:30 I was telling the tour management guys in the hotel that I was either going to be making a trip to a hospital or walk-in place. What I didn't know was that they have a contract with a group of ER docs at George Washington University hospital, and they MAKE HOUSE CALLS. Right to the hotel. And they bring all the necessary shit with them. The doc who came was young, single and cute, so Miss Cruise Director and Roomie were wishing later that they had been the ones to stay with the sickies! O. got two bags of IV fluid in her collapsed veins, and everyone got imodium and prescription anti-nausea. The doc said O had gastroenteritis complicated by severe dehydration, and the others were either strictly dehydrated or had mild stomach bugs complicated by the dehydration. They brought me another victim after the play that evening, same shit, different kid. I spent $60 on Gatorade at the hotel gift shop. I had several more with milder symptoms later in the evening, but they were all just somewhat dehydrated and exhausted (and freaked out that they didn't feel well given the rumors flying around the grapevine) more than anything else. I gave them my cell number in case they got worse in the night (and we got some calls). Every time I was on my way back to the room that night the guard would say, what's up, and I'd say "another one just needs her mama to pet her on the head, calm her down and tell her it'll be better if she goes to sleep!" The guard that night told me she had four kids, so she knew just what I was talking about. Just exactly what I do with Sadie when she gets up in the middle of the night with a bad dream or a fall out of bed -- you sit, smooth her hair, talk soft to her and tell her she's just fine, everything's all right, she just needs to close eyes and go on to sleep. Not an entertaining evening by a long shot. Between that and my own personal freakout, I didn't sleep hardly at all that night. That was the result of a grab on the part of one adult who had no idea what reaction that would elicit from me. Don't ever grab my wrist and refuse to let go. I ended up twisting my arm out of his grasp without hollering or causing the scene I both desperately wanted to and also desperately wanted to avoid since I was in a public hotel hallway full of colleagues and students. I needed that emotional baggage resurfacing at that point like I needed a goddamn five-inch hole in my skull. I'm still having issues with control now. I hate finding myself checking for exits when I walk into rooms or discovering that I have once again placed myself where I can see all doors with my back to the wall. I hate feeling like I have to put physical barriers (tables, desks, counters) between me and certain people in the building so they cannot come close to me. I have one friend in the building who knows what this is all about, and I know there is one room where I can go if I absolutely have to, and no questions will be asked as to why I am there or whether it is okay if anyone comes near me. BUT I DON'T WANT TO. I have worked for a lot of years to find happiness in my life, and to feel safe and in control. I hate this irrational terror. I hate having the bottom of my gut drop out when I pull into my usual parking space. I hate finding myself grinding my nails into my left palm -- when I don't realize I've started doing that again. I know damned good and well that nobody in my building would ever hurt me. But I haven't got this back into its cage and locked the door yet. I'm working on it, though. That sumbitch doesn't get to win this war. Can't tell Hubby. He knows the long, ugly version of the past, and we've had a few events in our time together where someone has grabbed me or otherwise set me off. He has a long fuse, but at the end of that fuse are two hefty fists and a lot of bottled-up anger that he doesn't have a problem turning loose on assholes. It won't matter that it was unintentional -- it will only matter that I no longer feel safe and I was grabbed. Period. And I don't want to bail him out of jail.

Hurrah and HOOWAH!

Lots of rampant rowdy cheering this afternoon!!

John Sullivan's been drafted by the Minnesota Vikings, 6th round pick. Congrats, dear heart -- Mama Ball is waaaaaaaaaaaaay proud of you!!

Draft Day 2 and Getting Ready to Hit the Road

Draft starts at 10 today, and DQ has a party from 11-12:30, so there is a chance I will miss my fella getting drafted. But then, that's what Tivo is for! Plus, UM agreed to call me on the cell when it happens, so I will know which round to skim through the Tivo for. Dallas picks 29th in the 3rd and first and 27th in the 4th, Steelers pick 25th in the 3rd, 24th in the 4th and 21st in the 5th.

Beyond the day's entertainment, I'm doing mountains of laundry and getting things ready for my absence this week. Looking forward to the 8th grade trip, though it looks like the Best Western they have us staying in is in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood. I had thought it was the hotel across the street from the Hyatt where The Boy and I stayed, but I was wrong -- that was the Holiday Inn. There are 2 Best Westerns, one a few blocks from the Hyatt, and then there's the one where we are staying, on the opposite side of the Mall, about 6-7 blocks from the Capitol. At least we are closer to the monuments and such.

Packing -- I'm taking the larger suitcase this year as the weather looks like it's going to be iffier. That will also allow me enough space to bring the appropriate evening beverages and opener. Aside from that, I have to remember the ethernet cord (free internet access at the hotel) and charger for the laptop, and to repack the camera bag so I can fit the other basics in as well.

Home prep -- have to go to the grocery store and get enough snack/lunch stuff for the kids for the week, and write Hubby some basic instructions on what to pack for each kid each day. Might have to do daily tear-off sheets for him.

Draft Weekend is Here!

My favorite ex-student likely won't be drafted until tomorrow, possibly round 4 or 5. If I remember correctly, watching the draft on TV is like watching paint dry. Good thing Hubby is cooking and there will be plenty to munch on.

A Day With Wonder Woman

Today, I went to quite possibly the worst reading workshop I have ever been to. It was billed as a workshop on working with boys and reading, so I was thinking I would get a list of good titles to recommend to my fellas and some strategies for the teachers. The side benefit (which became the reason the day wasn't a total loss) was that I got to spend the day with Wonder Woman, Miss Congeniality and MamaWTF (two other beloved teachers from the vicinity of my favorite Rabbit Hole).

The workshop was a disaster because:
1. the presenters were so concerned about being politically correct that every time they mentioned something about boys, they had to immediately follow it up with a five minute explanation of how this is also applicable to girls and they are athletic and isn't Title IX important. We spent a good bit of time listening to that.
2. We spent time reading a disconnected group of handouts and being told to apply our own reading strategies to them. Uh-huh. I know what works for me. I want to know what works better for boys.
3. We heard about what a group of overprivileged boys at a Greenwich private school told their librarian about reading. That same librarian actually flinched when she came to our table and heard me discussing some of the edgier books I give to my 8th grade boys (Rash, Inexcusable, Twisted). Right. And I thought I taught in Lala Land --- compared to her I teach in the 'hood, baby.
4. We got to see some nice pictures of all the books those boys donated to a school for abused boys from New York foster homes.
5. We sat through a disastrously bad PowerPoint presentation that included all kinds of small text, limited images, and basic design errors that my 6th graders wouldn't commit.

Sigh. At least I had time for a Dunkin run before the workshop and they provided real Cokes as one of the drink options with lunch, which wasn't bad (wraps, salad, drinks and brownies).

I sat there and added to my summer reading book list edits. and had a lot of trouble paying attention because I kept getting annoyed. One of the presenters kept making up her own words. Miss Congeniality was keeping track of every time one of the teachers we know from Another School kissed up to the presenters or sounded like she was in church. MamaWTF was our good Catholic-school doobie, taking copious notes, shushing us when we got too stage-whispery, and whacking me on the back of the head with a folder when the presenter called on me and I wasn't paying attention.

On the up side, Wonder Woman and I got to catch up on all of the interschool gossip and stories, bemoaned our different staffing/administrative issues, wished we were still in the same building (even though she knows I wouldn't go back to Wonderland no matter what just because of the admins there). All four of us went out afterward to Margaritaville (aka TacoLoco in Fairfield), and that was fun. I miss her much grand much.

I got home to find Hubby, Boy and DQ immersed in watching Alvin and the Chipmunks on dvd. If hell has a soundtrack, this thing is ON IT.
DQ laughing hysterically every few minutes is the only thing preventing me from ramming barbeque skewers into both my ears.

Where the hell is my drink?????

The Last Hurrah for The Boy

Well, not really for him, but definitely in the "let's spend a shitload of money on a bigtime birthday party" department. The Boy turns 7 tomorrow. Because he was born in mid-March and the weather is always a total crapshoot, we have for the last few years scheduled a party for him at SOMEPLACE -- read: some expensive kids' gym or "kid-friendly environment." I left things up to Hubby two years ago and he scheduled a bowling party. This wasn't because anyone we know is into bowling -- it was because the bowling alley would serve beer. At the party. Although this made him the hero of every other father who had to drag his 4 or 5 year old to this party, it made me crazy because that was THAT much more I had to pay attention to.
So this year I saw that "Horton Hears a Who" was opening the weekend of The Boy's birthday. Thought that would be a relatively easy shindig -- get tickets, buy some popcorn and fruit punch and have pizza delivered. The theater made it sound really easy -- they provide the room, rope off the seats, deliver the popcorn and drinks right to the kids in the theater, and the party host handles all games etc for the duration of the party. Except that the party host we were expecting got the flu, and we ended up with some chick who could barely read your ticket and say "Theater 6." Out of the 2 1/2 hours she was supposed to be managing our party, I think she was there for maybe 40 minutes. She kept wandering off, and given that it was a weekend, the theater was pretty busy, so it was hard to spot her once she was more than 30 feet out. The theater manager will be getting a letter about how disappointed I was in how the party was described to us and how little services we actually received -- and I will be expecting a refund of the party host charge. I'm usually one to punt in any given situation, but this was ridiculous even by my standards.
The end-all of this is that next time I will just tell The Boy to pick four friends and I will take them all to see a movie. Hubby and UM can meet us there with DQ and the cousins. And I will take them home after or their parents can pick them up -- and we'll be done with it. It'll be about $300 cheaper.
That being said, the movie itself was phenomenal. I highly recommend it to everyone!! Loved Jim Carrey, Steve Carrell, and Carol Burnett doing the voices, and the animation was incredible. Very, very good stuff!! All of the kids loved it.

NFL Draft 08

I usually dismiss the whole sports draft process as a couple days of testosterone-fueled nonsense that take over our garage and mean that Hubby will completely ignore me until it's over and analyzed to death. However, this year, I am actually planning to watch the draft with all the fellas because one of my first 6th grade students is going to be drafted (probably not the first couple rounds but maybe rounds 3-5?). He's generally posted as one of the top five centers, or at least he is in all of the sports blogs I've checked lately. UM tells me that the Steelers have a need for a center and might draft him... unfortunately that will mean that I have to turn traitor on Hubby's beloved Cowboys and root for the Steelers. UM has announced that if my draftee actually goes to Pittsburgh, he's buying my first Steelers jersey with my draftee's name and number. Very sweet offer, but it may cause a few garage fights!!