Happy 2007 ... less than an hour to go for 2006, and I am glad to see this one go. May this year bring greater peace, kindness, and a balance of happiness to us all.
I have been now four days off the ADs, and I seem to be doing well so far. I have been down with a nasty cold for the last 36 hours or so, and have spent the time either wondering why in the hell Steve can't seem to handle two kids on his own when he expects me to be able to manage at the drop of a goddamn hat, or wondering how I got through the last year, and what I want the next year to be like.
How did I get through the last year? Let's see ... a lovely combination of alcohol and antidepressants for the most part, some inner stamina, and a sturdier bit of backbone that I wasn't sure I had. How about the next year? Maybe a bit of better planning, definitely less of the alcohol and hopefully none of the antidepressants. I've decided I will only go back to those as a last resort. They weren't bad for me; on the contrary, it was all too easy to take one a day and let that give me the patience I need for dealing with all the bullshit in my life. I guess I need to see if I can deal with all this myself.
I need to start taking care of myself. I missed the appointment with the cardiologist for my stress test, and I have to go get my cholesterol checked again in February. Jimmy's going to fuss at me if I haven't had the stress test by then. Guess my comp day will be a med day after all. I've been thinking that I should maybe go over and use the treadmill a couple times a week. I can't seem to get any exercise in any other way ... maybe there with something for the kids to do I could manage it. I know I need it.
Steve's mad about Mal's girlfriend. I need to talk to both of them about that, and I have no idea how to go about it. The dinner we had was lovely, but the repercussions later were not. It wasn't even technically about hat -- he was officially mad because I went back out after dropping off the sitter to spend another hour or two socializing with them at Uncle Mike's house in Stamford ... something he would have done himself, and has done many times in the past, left me home with the kids to go do something else after dinner is over and done. He was just mad because there is a new person in the mix, and she by her simple presence makes things damnable difficult for him. I hope we can come to some balance with this too.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Trial By Fire (Lite)
We'd made plans to all go out for dinner , and then we got the news that Nan's friend Lulu V had died, so we ended up going to the wake before we went out for dinner. It was old school Italian, open casket and the whole nine yards. I don't do that very well, but it wasn't too awful. Mal and Steve and I went together. Steve and I went on to Val Bella, and Mal went back to his house to pick up Karen. We sat in the bar for a little while until everyone else (Mal and Karen, Mike, and U.J.) got there. Dinner was very nice. I had the stuffed zucchini blossom appetizer, and it was wonderful. Everyone else had shellfish appetizers, so I didn't share with anyone. I had a filet, Steve had a rigatoni dish, Mike had fish, Mal had pork tenderloin. I didn't see what U.J. and Karen had because the table was pretty crowded and it was hard to see their side. Karen and I both had chocolate souffle for dessert, and it was divine. All of my boys behaved themselves. Steve even went to Macy's and bought a new outfit -- new sports jacket, nice shirt and tie, and new pants. He looked great! Mike looked like a schlub (had on an old polo shirt, no jacket).
After dinner, Steve drove home, and then I took Alice home and went over to Uncle Mike and Aunt Deb's to meet everyone and be social for a bit. They were all surprised when I walked in the door -- I never get to do that kind of thing! I'm always the one staying home with the kids. But Steve didn't want to come because he had to get up and go to work. It was fun, and I ended up staying until after midnight. U.J. is a little upset about this whole Karen business still.
I'm hoping things will slow down some after New Year's. I'm thinking about asking Mal if he would like to go with me and the kids (and maybe Mike and the kids too) somewhere during February vacation, maybe down to Disney for a couple days or something like that. I think he needs to spend some time with them, more than just an hour here or there. I hope he'll go for that. February is slow for him.
Steve said he would like to go to Louisiana in April, so I need to hunt up tickets for that and make sure Kristen and Danny are still on for the dates. Also talked to Kathy, and I may take a personal day mid-January and go see them in Boston. Jerome will be home for a few weeks then, but she has a business trip to Boston the week of the 14th, so he is coming with her. I thought I might take the kids and go stay one night there and take the kids and Jerome to the aquarium or the children's museum there -- something fun like that. She invited us down in the summer, too, so we talked about me and the kids coming for a week or so -- and me taking off for a couple days to go meet Steve in Vegas if Mom will come down and help Kathy and Jerome. Hopefully that will work out.
After dinner, Steve drove home, and then I took Alice home and went over to Uncle Mike and Aunt Deb's to meet everyone and be social for a bit. They were all surprised when I walked in the door -- I never get to do that kind of thing! I'm always the one staying home with the kids. But Steve didn't want to come because he had to get up and go to work. It was fun, and I ended up staying until after midnight. U.J. is a little upset about this whole Karen business still.
I'm hoping things will slow down some after New Year's. I'm thinking about asking Mal if he would like to go with me and the kids (and maybe Mike and the kids too) somewhere during February vacation, maybe down to Disney for a couple days or something like that. I think he needs to spend some time with them, more than just an hour here or there. I hope he'll go for that. February is slow for him.
Steve said he would like to go to Louisiana in April, so I need to hunt up tickets for that and make sure Kristen and Danny are still on for the dates. Also talked to Kathy, and I may take a personal day mid-January and go see them in Boston. Jerome will be home for a few weeks then, but she has a business trip to Boston the week of the 14th, so he is coming with her. I thought I might take the kids and go stay one night there and take the kids and Jerome to the aquarium or the children's museum there -- something fun like that. She invited us down in the summer, too, so we talked about me and the kids coming for a week or so -- and me taking off for a couple days to go meet Steve in Vegas if Mom will come down and help Kathy and Jerome. Hopefully that will work out.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
January Here We Come
Well, Christmas is over and done with. We survived all four rounds: Christmas Eve morning opening the gifts from my family, Christmas Eve at my father-in-law's, Christmas morning here, and Christmas dinner here. Steve once again wins the prize for toy purchases: a Homer Simpson-themed "Operation" game, otherwise known as "Junior Spanish Inquisition" for the way Homer howls and screams every time Sadie takes a stab at him, and a completely realistically ugly baby chimp doll that responds to sound and make chimp noises and moves (scares Sadie every time).
On the better side, he got Sadie the Dora castle, and Jake got a new backpack full of Pokemon cards and a child-size real guitar. Unfortunately, the instructions for tuning that would only have been less helpful had they been in Chinese, so we have to go to the music store in town sometime today and see if they have a better set of instructions and "how to play" books. Either that or I'll call Marie and see if she can help.
The kids got lots of wonderful goodies from Granny and Papa and the aunts and uncles, too -- lots of toys and games and fun stuff. Kathy apparently went to Target after Halloween and bought up the leftover costumes to send Sadie for dressup, and she found some really cute little suitcases and a giant hatbox to hold them all. There are accessories out the yingyang -- and sparkle shoes to boot! Jake's suitcase was full of art supplies, which he absolutely loved, and he was thrilled to get the Cranium Hullabaloo game from Granny and Papa.
Christmas Eve on North Street was somewhat stressful. Mike and I did the cooking, as Mal didn't make it home from dropping Karen back in NJ until after everyone else had arrived. He was tired and semi-hungover, which didn't help. Steve was cranky and when I went out to the garage to refill my wine glass, he followed me out and barked at me "You better not get drunk." I put the glass down, told him he couldn't talk to me like that, and he could damn well keep the glass. I should have thrown it at him, but I didn't want to make a scene. I went in and sat down in the living room with Sadie and decided to put another coat of nail polish on. He came in, brought me the glass now full of wine, and I told him he was rude and mean and I didn't want it. He didn't apologize to me until after we had opened up all the kids' gifts and I had taken the kids downstairs to see the tea house and the fort I built and painted for them. Those were the hit of the evening -- the kids loved them. I actually forgot to have them open up the dressup closet! That will be a New Year's gift for them. Mike and I decided to exchange the rest of the gifts for the kids after they get back from Boston. Mike gave me a pair of earrings, and Mal gave me a beautiful ring and earring set that he bought in St. Martin. He told me he thought it looked like the islands -- it's a wavy white gold design, with alternating diamonds and multicolor sapphires (pink, yellow and greenish blue). Steve gave me the matching necklace Christmas morning. Christmas morning with the kids was fun, and Mal came over to see the kids. He didn't eat because he wasn't feeling well. I told him he'd feel better if he quit trying to singlehandedly support the Chianti industry. He smiled, and fell asleep on the couch sitting up. Steve made a wonderful dinner later in the day, and I had all my boys at the table except Owen. Mike only stayed with them for about 2 hours in the morning -- he had planned on being there most of the morning, and then things didn't go well and that didn't work out. We talked about doing things differently next year for Christmas ... ie he will wear a decent shirt for Christmas Eve, he wants to have his own Christmas with his kids, Mal will not be allowed to go out carousing the day and night before a holiday and has to be over his hangover, Steve can't be an asshole, etc.
We're going out to Val Bella for dinner on Wed night with Mike, Mal, U.J., BettyAnn and Karen, so that should be nice. I hope. Mal and Karen are going down to Harrah's in Atlantic City for New Year's, so they should have a very nice time. We're doing a grand total of nothing again this year ... doubt we'll even see the ball drop.
On the better side, he got Sadie the Dora castle, and Jake got a new backpack full of Pokemon cards and a child-size real guitar. Unfortunately, the instructions for tuning that would only have been less helpful had they been in Chinese, so we have to go to the music store in town sometime today and see if they have a better set of instructions and "how to play" books. Either that or I'll call Marie and see if she can help.
The kids got lots of wonderful goodies from Granny and Papa and the aunts and uncles, too -- lots of toys and games and fun stuff. Kathy apparently went to Target after Halloween and bought up the leftover costumes to send Sadie for dressup, and she found some really cute little suitcases and a giant hatbox to hold them all. There are accessories out the yingyang -- and sparkle shoes to boot! Jake's suitcase was full of art supplies, which he absolutely loved, and he was thrilled to get the Cranium Hullabaloo game from Granny and Papa.
Christmas Eve on North Street was somewhat stressful. Mike and I did the cooking, as Mal didn't make it home from dropping Karen back in NJ until after everyone else had arrived. He was tired and semi-hungover, which didn't help. Steve was cranky and when I went out to the garage to refill my wine glass, he followed me out and barked at me "You better not get drunk." I put the glass down, told him he couldn't talk to me like that, and he could damn well keep the glass. I should have thrown it at him, but I didn't want to make a scene. I went in and sat down in the living room with Sadie and decided to put another coat of nail polish on. He came in, brought me the glass now full of wine, and I told him he was rude and mean and I didn't want it. He didn't apologize to me until after we had opened up all the kids' gifts and I had taken the kids downstairs to see the tea house and the fort I built and painted for them. Those were the hit of the evening -- the kids loved them. I actually forgot to have them open up the dressup closet! That will be a New Year's gift for them. Mike and I decided to exchange the rest of the gifts for the kids after they get back from Boston. Mike gave me a pair of earrings, and Mal gave me a beautiful ring and earring set that he bought in St. Martin. He told me he thought it looked like the islands -- it's a wavy white gold design, with alternating diamonds and multicolor sapphires (pink, yellow and greenish blue). Steve gave me the matching necklace Christmas morning. Christmas morning with the kids was fun, and Mal came over to see the kids. He didn't eat because he wasn't feeling well. I told him he'd feel better if he quit trying to singlehandedly support the Chianti industry. He smiled, and fell asleep on the couch sitting up. Steve made a wonderful dinner later in the day, and I had all my boys at the table except Owen. Mike only stayed with them for about 2 hours in the morning -- he had planned on being there most of the morning, and then things didn't go well and that didn't work out. We talked about doing things differently next year for Christmas ... ie he will wear a decent shirt for Christmas Eve, he wants to have his own Christmas with his kids, Mal will not be allowed to go out carousing the day and night before a holiday and has to be over his hangover, Steve can't be an asshole, etc.
We're going out to Val Bella for dinner on Wed night with Mike, Mal, U.J., BettyAnn and Karen, so that should be nice. I hope. Mal and Karen are going down to Harrah's in Atlantic City for New Year's, so they should have a very nice time. We're doing a grand total of nothing again this year ... doubt we'll even see the ball drop.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Joining the list of things I never want to do again...
We've been trying to correct Sadie's habit of getting up in the middle of the night and demanding to come sleep in our bed. Thus, we've been letting her yowl a bit when she wakes up, and if nobody shows up, she tends to play with the stuffed animals and books in her bed until she falls back to sleep. So far, so good, right? Last week when she had a cold we had the Benadryl out at night so she would breathe better and sleep better. I thought the top was on tight, and it was up out of reach. Think again.
Joining the list of things I never want to do again: taking a hallucinating two-year-old to the ER. My chance at the Mother of the Year Award is completely shot to hell now.
Last night (this morning) she got up and started yowling a little about 4:15 or 4:20. After a few minutes she started talking to herself, and I dozed off again. I woke up at about 4:40 when she started yelling "Sticky! Sticky!" which is definitely NOT normal. I found her sitting in her bed, covered in Benadryl with and empty bottle and the top right next to her. I asked her if she drank any and she said yes -- but with an 8-oz bottle about 2/3 full, there was no way to tell just how much she actually ingested. Steve cleaned her up and I went hunting for the ipecac and charcoal, which were nowhere to be found. We still don't know where the first aid box went. I hunted for about ten minutes and then went up and told Steve I was taking her to the ER. He went to look for the first aid kit while I was throwing on clothes and getting Sadie into warmer pajamas -- he didn't find it either.
The ER was whopping busy (couple car wrecks and a lot of espanol going on), so Sadie and I sat in the triage room for about 45 minutes waiting for a nurse. She started twitching, and got pretty bug-eyed during that time, and after the nurse arrived, took her vitals and put all the relevant info into the computer, Sadie was looking fairly stoned. It was far too late for ipecac or charcoal at that point, since the medication was liquid and was already well in her system. The doc who came to see us put her on a heart monitor and had the nurses put in an iv line and draw some blood. They had to tape her entire right arm to a padded board to protect the iv line. Apparently since we didn't know exactly how much Benadryl she got, there was no way to know if she was going to cross the line into seizure territory -- thus the iv line at the ready in case they had to administer anti-seizure meds. That was delightful, as were the two times they had to take her temperature rectally. After that, the stickies holding the heart monitors to her chest were nothing.
We stayed in the ER for 6 hours, during which time her heart went racing several times and she hallucinated on and off for about 4 hours. She started off waving her hands in front of her face and telling me there were goldfish flying in her face, then later pointing to an empty wall in the room and telling me to go sit on the couch, then telling me a few times that Daddy was at the door (no one was there), and she spent some time having conversations with people who weren't there ( Miss Natacha, her teacher, Alice the babysitter, and Jake, who got yelled at for changing the channel on the TV, except he wasn't there and the DoodleBops were singing happily the whole time -- not even a commercial). She was also twitching a lot, like when you're just falling asleep and your whole body jerks. She definitely wasn't sleepy, so it was really weird to watch her do that. She was too dizzy to sit or stand, so she spent virtually all of that time on my lap. A volunteer brought us a breakfast tray with coffee (I drank) and orange juice (Sadie drank), and some other less than memorable breakfast items that neither of us wanted.
After they cleared her to go home (heart rate back down to 120s consistently, not hallucinating (or at least talking about it) and minimal shaking), we drove home, had lunch and she went down for a 3 1/2 hour nap. Steve came home with a cold, and I took a nap before I went to go pick up Jake. She was fine after her nap and a warm bath, and we are all relieved that this ended well.
I made sure to check caps on all the medicine bottles we have, and made sure they were all put up higher than before.
Joining the list of things I never want to do again: taking a hallucinating two-year-old to the ER. My chance at the Mother of the Year Award is completely shot to hell now.
Last night (this morning) she got up and started yowling a little about 4:15 or 4:20. After a few minutes she started talking to herself, and I dozed off again. I woke up at about 4:40 when she started yelling "Sticky! Sticky!" which is definitely NOT normal. I found her sitting in her bed, covered in Benadryl with and empty bottle and the top right next to her. I asked her if she drank any and she said yes -- but with an 8-oz bottle about 2/3 full, there was no way to tell just how much she actually ingested. Steve cleaned her up and I went hunting for the ipecac and charcoal, which were nowhere to be found. We still don't know where the first aid box went. I hunted for about ten minutes and then went up and told Steve I was taking her to the ER. He went to look for the first aid kit while I was throwing on clothes and getting Sadie into warmer pajamas -- he didn't find it either.
The ER was whopping busy (couple car wrecks and a lot of espanol going on), so Sadie and I sat in the triage room for about 45 minutes waiting for a nurse. She started twitching, and got pretty bug-eyed during that time, and after the nurse arrived, took her vitals and put all the relevant info into the computer, Sadie was looking fairly stoned. It was far too late for ipecac or charcoal at that point, since the medication was liquid and was already well in her system. The doc who came to see us put her on a heart monitor and had the nurses put in an iv line and draw some blood. They had to tape her entire right arm to a padded board to protect the iv line. Apparently since we didn't know exactly how much Benadryl she got, there was no way to know if she was going to cross the line into seizure territory -- thus the iv line at the ready in case they had to administer anti-seizure meds. That was delightful, as were the two times they had to take her temperature rectally. After that, the stickies holding the heart monitors to her chest were nothing.
We stayed in the ER for 6 hours, during which time her heart went racing several times and she hallucinated on and off for about 4 hours. She started off waving her hands in front of her face and telling me there were goldfish flying in her face, then later pointing to an empty wall in the room and telling me to go sit on the couch, then telling me a few times that Daddy was at the door (no one was there), and she spent some time having conversations with people who weren't there ( Miss Natacha, her teacher, Alice the babysitter, and Jake, who got yelled at for changing the channel on the TV, except he wasn't there and the DoodleBops were singing happily the whole time -- not even a commercial). She was also twitching a lot, like when you're just falling asleep and your whole body jerks. She definitely wasn't sleepy, so it was really weird to watch her do that. She was too dizzy to sit or stand, so she spent virtually all of that time on my lap. A volunteer brought us a breakfast tray with coffee (I drank) and orange juice (Sadie drank), and some other less than memorable breakfast items that neither of us wanted.
After they cleared her to go home (heart rate back down to 120s consistently, not hallucinating (or at least talking about it) and minimal shaking), we drove home, had lunch and she went down for a 3 1/2 hour nap. Steve came home with a cold, and I took a nap before I went to go pick up Jake. She was fine after her nap and a warm bath, and we are all relieved that this ended well.
I made sure to check caps on all the medicine bottles we have, and made sure they were all put up higher than before.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Dear Santa
Dear Santa,
9 days to go, so I figure this is enough warning. Can you just fast forward me to January? The kids are so looking forward to your visit, and I keep putting on the sorority smile about the whole shebang. All I want for Christmas is to not have to deal with any of the grownups I am related to by marriage. If you can't send me ahead to January, can you send all of them to somewhere waythehellfargone? Several different somewheres would be ideal. And if you leave me with all the kids, make sure and leave a bonus for our beloved cleaning lady (or send the elves over for the magical mystery cleanup).
I think this is the first Christmas I am really not enjoying at all, and worse, dreading.
Now, for the radio station that is playing a near-constant barrage of Christmas/holiday tunes, I have the beginnings of a variation on Santa Baby. It's a work in progress.
Done:
9 days to go, so I figure this is enough warning. Can you just fast forward me to January? The kids are so looking forward to your visit, and I keep putting on the sorority smile about the whole shebang. All I want for Christmas is to not have to deal with any of the grownups I am related to by marriage. If you can't send me ahead to January, can you send all of them to somewhere waythehellfargone? Several different somewheres would be ideal. And if you leave me with all the kids, make sure and leave a bonus for our beloved cleaning lady (or send the elves over for the magical mystery cleanup).
I think this is the first Christmas I am really not enjoying at all, and worse, dreading.
Now, for the radio station that is playing a near-constant barrage of Christmas/holiday tunes, I have the beginnings of a variation on Santa Baby. It's a work in progress.
Santa baby,
slip a chainsaw under the tree
For me
To use upon my no-good (insert relative-in-law here)
I've been an awful good girl
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby,
a reinforced Humvee to schlep the body out to the dump
that chump
I'll wait up for you dear
So hurry down the chimney tonight!
Come and stuff my stocking tight
With those goggles that can see in the night
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me too
Ba-Doopy-Do
Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A string
nice and strong for a good-size garrotte
Why not?
Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight!
Hurry down the chimney tonight!
slip a chainsaw under the tree
For me
To use upon my no-good (insert relative-in-law here)
I've been an awful good girl
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby,
a reinforced Humvee to schlep the body out to the dump
that chump
I'll wait up for you dear
So hurry down the chimney tonight!
Come and stuff my stocking tight
With those goggles that can see in the night
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me too
Ba-Doopy-Do
Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A string
nice and strong for a good-size garrotte
Why not?
Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight!
Hurry down the chimney tonight!
Done:
- Shopping is done
- Christmas cards are done and mailed
- packages sent
- teacher gifts gotten
- wrapping -- nighttime garage activity
- finish painting the playhouse
- make the cinnamon rolls for the neighbors and us
- make a shopping list for Mal/Mike for Christmas Eve dinner
- make sure we have vegetables and dessert for Christmas Day
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)