The Mama's Lament

I am still damnably tired. It's Thursday, for heaven's sake, and I am still TIRED! I think I'm getting old. This sucks.
I went to Washington with the 8th grade last week, Tues - Fri. Last year, I loved the trip. We had a busload of fagioles (dipsticks) but we made it work and we had a wonderful time. This year, I was on a bus with different teachers, and that went better than I thought it would. We had the Boss, who organized the whole trip, but relaxed as soon as he got on the bus, my Roomie, who was awesome, and Miss Cruise Director who kept getting on the bus microphone to catch up on all the 8th grade gossip, hookups and breakups. We had a lot of fun the first two days, even with the Midnight Runner who got caught traipsing around the hotel barefoot in her pjs (and we couldn't send her home because her mother is bipolar and her father is a schizoid unmedicated artist). Anyway, Midnight Runner got transferred temporarily to our bus and got summarily velcroed to my right leg for the day, with the Asst Principal's instructions "just make her miserable today." Lovely. You can imagine how long that lasted for me. We spent the day at Arlington and the Capitol and the Archives (lunch at Air and Space which was McDonald's and Rolaids). We got back to the hotel an hour before we had to leave for the dinner cruise, and the kids were berserk. The girls were just in the halls loudly comparing clothes and skipping between rooms. The boys were doing dumbass things upstairs (like ramming skulls into doors). Unfortunately, hotel security got called. Not good. The dinner cruise was fun, got lots of adorable party pics of the kids. Decided the flash on the Nikon needs a boost, though. Thursday was the day the shit literally hit the fan. I got grabbed in the hallway by a couple of girls saying "Mrs. B, O. doesn't feel good." O. had been barfing all night, and hadn't gone out after the first volley or sent anyone out to tell the all-night security guard on our floor. She looked awful. Another one barfed in the hallway outside the breakfast room, and the third one just came down and shook like she'd been in a freezer all night. The AP was hemming and hawing on what to do. Good GRIEF. Put sick kids in front of me, and what's a Mama to do? I stayed at the hotel and took care of sick kids all day. We had barfing, diarrhea, fever, chills, panicky phone calls from faraway mothers, and by 12:30 I was telling the tour management guys in the hotel that I was either going to be making a trip to a hospital or walk-in place. What I didn't know was that they have a contract with a group of ER docs at George Washington University hospital, and they MAKE HOUSE CALLS. Right to the hotel. And they bring all the necessary shit with them. The doc who came was young, single and cute, so Miss Cruise Director and Roomie were wishing later that they had been the ones to stay with the sickies! O. got two bags of IV fluid in her collapsed veins, and everyone got imodium and prescription anti-nausea. The doc said O had gastroenteritis complicated by severe dehydration, and the others were either strictly dehydrated or had mild stomach bugs complicated by the dehydration. They brought me another victim after the play that evening, same shit, different kid. I spent $60 on Gatorade at the hotel gift shop. I had several more with milder symptoms later in the evening, but they were all just somewhat dehydrated and exhausted (and freaked out that they didn't feel well given the rumors flying around the grapevine) more than anything else. I gave them my cell number in case they got worse in the night (and we got some calls). Every time I was on my way back to the room that night the guard would say, what's up, and I'd say "another one just needs her mama to pet her on the head, calm her down and tell her it'll be better if she goes to sleep!" The guard that night told me she had four kids, so she knew just what I was talking about. Just exactly what I do with Sadie when she gets up in the middle of the night with a bad dream or a fall out of bed -- you sit, smooth her hair, talk soft to her and tell her she's just fine, everything's all right, she just needs to close eyes and go on to sleep. Not an entertaining evening by a long shot. Between that and my own personal freakout, I didn't sleep hardly at all that night. That was the result of a grab on the part of one adult who had no idea what reaction that would elicit from me. Don't ever grab my wrist and refuse to let go. I ended up twisting my arm out of his grasp without hollering or causing the scene I both desperately wanted to and also desperately wanted to avoid since I was in a public hotel hallway full of colleagues and students. I needed that emotional baggage resurfacing at that point like I needed a goddamn five-inch hole in my skull. I'm still having issues with control now. I hate finding myself checking for exits when I walk into rooms or discovering that I have once again placed myself where I can see all doors with my back to the wall. I hate feeling like I have to put physical barriers (tables, desks, counters) between me and certain people in the building so they cannot come close to me. I have one friend in the building who knows what this is all about, and I know there is one room where I can go if I absolutely have to, and no questions will be asked as to why I am there or whether it is okay if anyone comes near me. BUT I DON'T WANT TO. I have worked for a lot of years to find happiness in my life, and to feel safe and in control. I hate this irrational terror. I hate having the bottom of my gut drop out when I pull into my usual parking space. I hate finding myself grinding my nails into my left palm -- when I don't realize I've started doing that again. I know damned good and well that nobody in my building would ever hurt me. But I haven't got this back into its cage and locked the door yet. I'm working on it, though. That sumbitch doesn't get to win this war. Can't tell Hubby. He knows the long, ugly version of the past, and we've had a few events in our time together where someone has grabbed me or otherwise set me off. He has a long fuse, but at the end of that fuse are two hefty fists and a lot of bottled-up anger that he doesn't have a problem turning loose on assholes. It won't matter that it was unintentional -- it will only matter that I no longer feel safe and I was grabbed. Period. And I don't want to bail him out of jail.

Hurrah and HOOWAH!

Lots of rampant rowdy cheering this afternoon!!

John Sullivan's been drafted by the Minnesota Vikings, 6th round pick. Congrats, dear heart -- Mama Ball is waaaaaaaaaaaaay proud of you!!

Draft Day 2 and Getting Ready to Hit the Road

Draft starts at 10 today, and DQ has a party from 11-12:30, so there is a chance I will miss my fella getting drafted. But then, that's what Tivo is for! Plus, UM agreed to call me on the cell when it happens, so I will know which round to skim through the Tivo for. Dallas picks 29th in the 3rd and first and 27th in the 4th, Steelers pick 25th in the 3rd, 24th in the 4th and 21st in the 5th.

Beyond the day's entertainment, I'm doing mountains of laundry and getting things ready for my absence this week. Looking forward to the 8th grade trip, though it looks like the Best Western they have us staying in is in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood. I had thought it was the hotel across the street from the Hyatt where The Boy and I stayed, but I was wrong -- that was the Holiday Inn. There are 2 Best Westerns, one a few blocks from the Hyatt, and then there's the one where we are staying, on the opposite side of the Mall, about 6-7 blocks from the Capitol. At least we are closer to the monuments and such.

Packing -- I'm taking the larger suitcase this year as the weather looks like it's going to be iffier. That will also allow me enough space to bring the appropriate evening beverages and opener. Aside from that, I have to remember the ethernet cord (free internet access at the hotel) and charger for the laptop, and to repack the camera bag so I can fit the other basics in as well.

Home prep -- have to go to the grocery store and get enough snack/lunch stuff for the kids for the week, and write Hubby some basic instructions on what to pack for each kid each day. Might have to do daily tear-off sheets for him.

Draft Weekend is Here!

My favorite ex-student likely won't be drafted until tomorrow, possibly round 4 or 5. If I remember correctly, watching the draft on TV is like watching paint dry. Good thing Hubby is cooking and there will be plenty to munch on.

A Day With Wonder Woman

Today, I went to quite possibly the worst reading workshop I have ever been to. It was billed as a workshop on working with boys and reading, so I was thinking I would get a list of good titles to recommend to my fellas and some strategies for the teachers. The side benefit (which became the reason the day wasn't a total loss) was that I got to spend the day with Wonder Woman, Miss Congeniality and MamaWTF (two other beloved teachers from the vicinity of my favorite Rabbit Hole).

The workshop was a disaster because:
1. the presenters were so concerned about being politically correct that every time they mentioned something about boys, they had to immediately follow it up with a five minute explanation of how this is also applicable to girls and they are athletic and isn't Title IX important. We spent a good bit of time listening to that.
2. We spent time reading a disconnected group of handouts and being told to apply our own reading strategies to them. Uh-huh. I know what works for me. I want to know what works better for boys.
3. We heard about what a group of overprivileged boys at a Greenwich private school told their librarian about reading. That same librarian actually flinched when she came to our table and heard me discussing some of the edgier books I give to my 8th grade boys (Rash, Inexcusable, Twisted). Right. And I thought I taught in Lala Land --- compared to her I teach in the 'hood, baby.
4. We got to see some nice pictures of all the books those boys donated to a school for abused boys from New York foster homes.
5. We sat through a disastrously bad PowerPoint presentation that included all kinds of small text, limited images, and basic design errors that my 6th graders wouldn't commit.

Sigh. At least I had time for a Dunkin run before the workshop and they provided real Cokes as one of the drink options with lunch, which wasn't bad (wraps, salad, drinks and brownies).

I sat there and added to my summer reading book list edits. and had a lot of trouble paying attention because I kept getting annoyed. One of the presenters kept making up her own words. Miss Congeniality was keeping track of every time one of the teachers we know from Another School kissed up to the presenters or sounded like she was in church. MamaWTF was our good Catholic-school doobie, taking copious notes, shushing us when we got too stage-whispery, and whacking me on the back of the head with a folder when the presenter called on me and I wasn't paying attention.

On the up side, Wonder Woman and I got to catch up on all of the interschool gossip and stories, bemoaned our different staffing/administrative issues, wished we were still in the same building (even though she knows I wouldn't go back to Wonderland no matter what just because of the admins there). All four of us went out afterward to Margaritaville (aka TacoLoco in Fairfield), and that was fun. I miss her much grand much.

I got home to find Hubby, Boy and DQ immersed in watching Alvin and the Chipmunks on dvd. If hell has a soundtrack, this thing is ON IT.
DQ laughing hysterically every few minutes is the only thing preventing me from ramming barbeque skewers into both my ears.

Where the hell is my drink?????

The Last Hurrah for The Boy

Well, not really for him, but definitely in the "let's spend a shitload of money on a bigtime birthday party" department. The Boy turns 7 tomorrow. Because he was born in mid-March and the weather is always a total crapshoot, we have for the last few years scheduled a party for him at SOMEPLACE -- read: some expensive kids' gym or "kid-friendly environment." I left things up to Hubby two years ago and he scheduled a bowling party. This wasn't because anyone we know is into bowling -- it was because the bowling alley would serve beer. At the party. Although this made him the hero of every other father who had to drag his 4 or 5 year old to this party, it made me crazy because that was THAT much more I had to pay attention to.
So this year I saw that "Horton Hears a Who" was opening the weekend of The Boy's birthday. Thought that would be a relatively easy shindig -- get tickets, buy some popcorn and fruit punch and have pizza delivered. The theater made it sound really easy -- they provide the room, rope off the seats, deliver the popcorn and drinks right to the kids in the theater, and the party host handles all games etc for the duration of the party. Except that the party host we were expecting got the flu, and we ended up with some chick who could barely read your ticket and say "Theater 6." Out of the 2 1/2 hours she was supposed to be managing our party, I think she was there for maybe 40 minutes. She kept wandering off, and given that it was a weekend, the theater was pretty busy, so it was hard to spot her once she was more than 30 feet out. The theater manager will be getting a letter about how disappointed I was in how the party was described to us and how little services we actually received -- and I will be expecting a refund of the party host charge. I'm usually one to punt in any given situation, but this was ridiculous even by my standards.
The end-all of this is that next time I will just tell The Boy to pick four friends and I will take them all to see a movie. Hubby and UM can meet us there with DQ and the cousins. And I will take them home after or their parents can pick them up -- and we'll be done with it. It'll be about $300 cheaper.
That being said, the movie itself was phenomenal. I highly recommend it to everyone!! Loved Jim Carrey, Steve Carrell, and Carol Burnett doing the voices, and the animation was incredible. Very, very good stuff!! All of the kids loved it.

NFL Draft 08

I usually dismiss the whole sports draft process as a couple days of testosterone-fueled nonsense that take over our garage and mean that Hubby will completely ignore me until it's over and analyzed to death. However, this year, I am actually planning to watch the draft with all the fellas because one of my first 6th grade students is going to be drafted (probably not the first couple rounds but maybe rounds 3-5?). He's generally posted as one of the top five centers, or at least he is in all of the sports blogs I've checked lately. UM tells me that the Steelers have a need for a center and might draft him... unfortunately that will mean that I have to turn traitor on Hubby's beloved Cowboys and root for the Steelers. UM has announced that if my draftee actually goes to Pittsburgh, he's buying my first Steelers jersey with my draftee's name and number. Very sweet offer, but it may cause a few garage fights!!

Looking Forward -- Goals for 08

Here's a top ten list of prioritized goals for 2008:

1. Hug Hubby a lot more.
2. Restructure the end of the debts to minimize number of payments and interest rates.
3. Do all bill paying and budgeting online so I can keep track of exactly where my money is going.
4. File the bills as soon as they are taken care of.
5. Put away money each month toward birthdays and Christmas expenses.
6. Set aside cash each month for fun stuff.
7. Take kids to at least one free event every month at the library/park/whatever.
8. Bring my lunch at least 4x a week to minimize $ spent there.
9. Eat more vegetables.
10. Figure out how to work some exercise time into my week.

Obviously time with Hubby is the most important thing I can add to this year. It's hard with two jobs, two kids, our crazy extended family, and the seemingly 9 billion things we have to do every month, but I want to make sure he feels loved and taken care of. He's been last on the list many times before (especially when the kids were babies), and he deserves a lot more.
You can tell that paying off debts and managing the budget are two big priorities also. I've never been very confident with managing money or doing budgets, but now that I'm using the online bill paying service and watching my accounts online, I can tell a lot more easily what's going on with the bills and the bank. Not that I'm ever going to be any kind of raging genius when it comes to this stuff, but I at least don't feel like I'm a totally incompetent moron.
Seems like we spend most of our weekends cleaning the house and doing laundry rather than getting out and doing fun stuff as a family, so I'd like to do more of that. Not sure how that's going to work with the laundry schedule, but we'll live. Last on the priorities is basically improving my eating and exercise habits as always... I do okay on those for a while but not consistently. The exercise one is my biggest bugaboo. Maybe someday the basement will be finished, the toys and a tv down there, and we can get an elliptical machine. More good ideas -- but Hubby's got to put those Home Depot cards to work buying the materials to finish off the basement first.
The only thing I haven't put on the list is trying to figure out what kind of spiritual time I want to have in my life. I think that's going to end up being some kind of separate list for the coming year. I've been sorely lacking in that department, and I do want the kids to participate in some kind of spiritual activities. I've been extremely offended by the kinds of shenanigans that have been going on in the local Catholic and Episcopal churches here -- am thinking about making a trip to the neighborhood Lutheran church with Miss Emma next door. We'll see.