I've gone from a few hell days to a full blown hell week. It's musical time at school, so the kids are wacky, the staff is stressed, and it's also time to post grades and start new classes. OFL brought Frankenstein up for a look-see as to what we need to have done (get rid of the nasty carpet, tile the floors, repaint, etc) in the media center ... except we got told that the district's facilities and maintenance budget has basically been gutted down to roofs and boilers only, with the $2 million going for "closing the gap." So no new floor tiles or paint for us AGAIN. I got pissed, and they both knew it. I didn't get ugly with them but I let them know that this was an absolute sin -- our media center is a dump, and our kids and our staff deserve better. I told OFL "You better plan to take me out for a drink after THIS."
Frankenstein did feel badly about it -- he did agree to demolish the back half of our circ desk and made sure that the work order to move and remove the last of the shelving got done. Eeyore's response to this was, "Oh well. That's too bad." Again -- not her responsibility, and absolutely no thought of "well, given our situation, what CAN we do to improve the physical facility for the kids and staff?" She seemed truly amazed that I could think that way. I started brainstorming immediately -- what projects could be tackled for the least cash and the most bang for the buck? The end result was that Kanga and I decided that she and I would attempt painting over the weird lavender strip on the wall, and the giant blue oval sitting over the circ desk during February vacation. Eeyore's reaction was "I don't see why you would do that." I told her why -- I want to do something to make this place LOOK nicer for the kids. It's not that fucking hard to figure out... except maybe if you're her. I emailed OFL with all of the suggestons, he okayed things, and is going to attempt to get us some paint and order area rugs over the summer. We'll see. I duct-taped about 18 feet of ripped carpet. That was Monday.
Then we have Tuesday morning. I walked in, greeted the Language Arts meeting that was going on in the MCI room (lots of teachers I know), opened the door to the media center, and was confronted by a very irritated-looking OFL, who had a crew of 7 Facilities guys behind him. "She doesn't know where the shelves are going ... FIX THIS." He walked out with smoke coming out his ears. Apparently Eeyore was there solo, and the crew came up to complete the work order before I got there. She apparently was unable to tell them which shelves were being moved, and which were being tossed (a conversation we had had probably eighteen times over the last 2-3 months). OFL came up, and she interrupted the conversation with him to check out books to kids and direct them and ask for passes. He was less than pleased -- not only because she had no clue and the guys were twiddling their thumbs, but because she was ignoring him and couldn't seem to be capable of telling the kids they would have to wait a few minutes. I know all this because I got called down to his office after the crew finished what they had to do.
Long story short -- they tossed what we asked them to toss, and they moved the giant shelving unit over in front of 217's windows. Big improvement overall -- not only do we have more and better display space, but we've now freed up the back area for the new reading furniture.
The LA meeting kept having tech difficulties, so I spent the majority of my day troubleshooting and getting interrupted.
Today, I had my new classes (mostly good, looks like 3 serious sped and 4 fazools in 7th period). Got grades done except for one weird twitch that guidance will have to solve. Eeyore came to me as I was putting my kids into the typing program and announced that she'd brought in her laptop and she definitely had dreamweaver on it (hurray, we've only been waiting since November for this). She started talking about the 8th grade index page that she hasn't started yet, and said she thought I should make my own. I told her no, she had agreed to do it, and she could organize it any way she saw fit. I told her as soon as she had the page setup done, I'd give her the typed lists of kids' names and topics, and when she was ready she could have my flash drive with all the files to link. She wanted me to contact BottleBrush downtown and review uploading directions, but I told her I wasn't going to do that until we were ready to upload something -- no point in asking for the directions again and then waiting a couple more weeks (cough cough) to try and upload when it's not fresh in your mind. She seemed to agree with that. She asked me to do my own page again, and I told her no, that was her project. Who KNOWS when she will actually get started with this. While I was in with my classes, our new reading spc. came up to look at the cart of books for her booktalk, and Eeyore decided to look over the books with her. What she didn't know was that only one side of the cart was for that booktalk -- I had pulled the other side for my lovely neighbor's classes. SO... Eeyore decided to take books off my cart without consulting me ... which means I now have more to do tomorrow.
Our intrepid J down in the office gave me the updated printout of our account so we know how much we can spend on furniture. Aunty M in Boston is working on good options for us. Eeyore agreed to schedule a field trip to Home Depot to investigate rug possibilities 2/5. I duct-taped another 15 feet or so of ripped carpet today. The safe arrived today. That should be a fun conversation tomorrow. SSChief2B asked me to go to Washington with the 8th graders the week of May 1, Tues-Fri. SM should be able to pull that off. He has been amazingly supportive since I came home talking about the bookfair issues. Hope that continues.
OFL dumped one more thing on my plate today -- a semi-retired resident who has written a YA novel (unpublished, still in manuscript form) and wants feedback. I got it today, she'll be in VT until Sunday, and I promised I would call her on Monday. Thank you sir may I have another. Actually, it could be good -- I don't know, it's just been such a jampacked week so far that I think I don't quite have the patience. I have a to-do list on my desk a mile long for the next two days. I think I need to go hide.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
OFL Redux
Yesterday was busy as hell. Eeyore and I never got to say two words to each other -- one or both of us were busy every single period of the day. So, the guilt trip conversation didn't happen, and won't today either -- have to wait until tomorrow since I am out on my scheduled comp day today. She left early to go to the PLP session at the high school (the one she announced she was not prepared for the other day) so of course the inventory got put off -- again.
I got a couple emails from Jenny over at Just Books, and it looks like we can host one of the authors she has coming. I went down to check the schedule for the dates on her list, and OFL called me into his office when he saw me walk into the main office at 3:30.
The first thing he said "Now I know what you're talking about with her." Eeyore came in to see him at some point during the day to ask him to sign her personal day form. She wanted to take her personal day the day before Feb. vacation because she had scheduled flights out of town for that day. He told her personnel would never approve that because it was to extend a vacation, and that it wasn't going to happen. She kept asking him what to do, what to do, and he said he knew she was fishing for him to tell her to call in sick that day. He said he kept putting it back on her "I can't tell you what to do - you have to decide what to do. This is up to you." She apparently turned to walk out, he went back to whatever paperwork was on his desk, and she turned around, came right back in, and started the same conversation over again. As if the answer was somehow going to be different!
After he told the story, I looked at him and said, "So I'm not crazy!" He chuckled, and said, "No, never thought that, but now I know what you're dealing with up there." I told him that she had (as far as I could tell when I was passing by) been doing well helping the 7th grade classes with a lesson on using the online works consulted generator today -- there are some things that she is perfectly capable of handling. His response was "That's nice, but we have a lot more going on than that, and we need people who can handle things. I need you to be happy up there -- you work hard, you've done a great job getting things in shape, and I don't want you thinking that Central looks a whole lot better than this." It's nice to know that someone recognizes the amount of effort I've been putting into the place. He asked if I knew if anything was wrong at home for her, and I said she really avoided talking about home most of the time, so I had no idea.
Basically, I have to send her a specific email asking her to get the index page done for the kids' websites. If it's not done soon, then I should send another email asking for the same thing, and copy Asst OFL Who Works. That's kind of dropping the hammer hard, but he said I need to start a paper trail with this, and AOFLWW is her evaluator (and mine). He thinks eventually we will have to have a meeting to ask her why she isn't doing what she should be doing. Frankly, by that point, I doubt I'll have to say a word if there's a paper trail of things she hasn't done -- and the way she reacts under the least pressure, she'll hang herself in six minutes or less.
Honestly, at this point, I'm seriously hoping that I get asked to go to Washington with the 8th grade this spring. Any chance I have to get out of there will be a good thing.
Today I'm planning to go to the hardware store for a couple things, and then come home and read all day. I had some books here, and I brought home a big stash so I'd have choices. The 4th Traveling Pants is first in line!
I got a couple emails from Jenny over at Just Books, and it looks like we can host one of the authors she has coming. I went down to check the schedule for the dates on her list, and OFL called me into his office when he saw me walk into the main office at 3:30.
The first thing he said "Now I know what you're talking about with her." Eeyore came in to see him at some point during the day to ask him to sign her personal day form. She wanted to take her personal day the day before Feb. vacation because she had scheduled flights out of town for that day. He told her personnel would never approve that because it was to extend a vacation, and that it wasn't going to happen. She kept asking him what to do, what to do, and he said he knew she was fishing for him to tell her to call in sick that day. He said he kept putting it back on her "I can't tell you what to do - you have to decide what to do. This is up to you." She apparently turned to walk out, he went back to whatever paperwork was on his desk, and she turned around, came right back in, and started the same conversation over again. As if the answer was somehow going to be different!
After he told the story, I looked at him and said, "So I'm not crazy!" He chuckled, and said, "No, never thought that, but now I know what you're dealing with up there." I told him that she had (as far as I could tell when I was passing by) been doing well helping the 7th grade classes with a lesson on using the online works consulted generator today -- there are some things that she is perfectly capable of handling. His response was "That's nice, but we have a lot more going on than that, and we need people who can handle things. I need you to be happy up there -- you work hard, you've done a great job getting things in shape, and I don't want you thinking that Central looks a whole lot better than this." It's nice to know that someone recognizes the amount of effort I've been putting into the place. He asked if I knew if anything was wrong at home for her, and I said she really avoided talking about home most of the time, so I had no idea.
Basically, I have to send her a specific email asking her to get the index page done for the kids' websites. If it's not done soon, then I should send another email asking for the same thing, and copy Asst OFL Who Works. That's kind of dropping the hammer hard, but he said I need to start a paper trail with this, and AOFLWW is her evaluator (and mine). He thinks eventually we will have to have a meeting to ask her why she isn't doing what she should be doing. Frankly, by that point, I doubt I'll have to say a word if there's a paper trail of things she hasn't done -- and the way she reacts under the least pressure, she'll hang herself in six minutes or less.
Honestly, at this point, I'm seriously hoping that I get asked to go to Washington with the 8th grade this spring. Any chance I have to get out of there will be a good thing.
Today I'm planning to go to the hardware store for a couple things, and then come home and read all day. I had some books here, and I brought home a big stash so I'd have choices. The 4th Traveling Pants is first in line!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
An Answer That's No Answer At All
Today was very good on some fronts. My friend Mary, who is working on her masters in instructional technology plus media specialist degrees at Fairfield Univ started a 15 week internship with us today. She has done some really interesting grad school projects (including matching up GPS curriculum standards with appropriate current reference books), so I am really looking forward to having her with us. I need to get her times to go over to CMS and WMS to look at their facilities, definitely watch the Hobbit in action in booktalks and maybe storytelling if that falls on the right days, and maybe go watch the Fisherman teach a couple classes to get a sense of how things are similiar/different in different schools. Definitely have to introduce her to Christopher Robin downtown too. Mary will be done a year from now, so there may well be opportunities coming up -- the Hobbit will be retiring about then.
Mary's son Jackson was in Jake's preschool class, and he's big on the Pokemon nonsense too, so we definitely have to get the boys together for a couple playdates.
Went and spent 45 minutes in OFL's office this afternoon to talk over options of what to do about the Eeyore situation. As the title says, it was the answer that wasn't an answer. I told him about the conversation we had, that it was disturbing to me, and that I wasn't sure how I was supposed to work as a partner with someone that I really felt I couldn't trust (in terms of not hesitating in the least before throwing my ass under the bus). He seemed pretty shocked by that. She blew me off again this afternoon for the inventory we both agreed needed doing -- Friday it was the playdate, today it was some nebulous "appointment". She left at 2:45. She did arrive early today to cover the AM shift because Kanga was out for a comp day, but I had told her Friday we REALLY needed to do the inventory today if she wasn't staying to do it Friday. I know she has a reading PLP tomorrow, for which she has not read the book (announced that today with the usual "oh well, someone else will have read it" attitude). I am sure that will preclude her doing anything requiring responsibility once again. I told him she had found three checks from staff for bookfair, told me that they were in the drawer first thing this morning, but had not bothered to bring them down to Joan herself for deposit. I had asked Joan if she'd come down with anything, and the answer was no. I suspect Eeyore doesn't want her name on any deposits.
OFL thought that I should continue to try to make things work as a partnership, starting with a guilt trip tomorrow about how she blew me off two afternoons running to do something we'd both agreed was necessary and we should do together, and how if this is a real partnership then she has to pick up her end of the stick and get a move on. Beyond that I am supposed to keep track of what she actually does (shades of Cynthia) and what I do. This should be a lot of fucking fun. He told me I am a "big personality" and maybe she thinks she is overshadowed by me, so maybe I should be encouraging teachers to ask her to do things for them. I'm honestly not sure who to ask -- I have teachers who have specifically said they do not want to deal with her. He did say that perhaps she might be better suited at a more limited level (read: different level school), but that we should make every effort to work this out.
If that doesn't work --well, I asked him to think about how what the line in the sand was going to be ... how much is too much. I hope we don't go there, but after what the Good Doctor put me through at CMS, I need him to know I have limits as to what I will put up with. I don't know where the line in the sand is yet for me, but I know it's not too far off.
Weird tidbit of the day -- In college, OFL dated Eeyore's sister (a very successful school administrator now, who according to OFL receives rave reviews for everything she does). She never mentioned to him while they were dating that she even had a sister. Hmmmmmm. Anyone else think the shrinks would have a field day with this one????
Mary's son Jackson was in Jake's preschool class, and he's big on the Pokemon nonsense too, so we definitely have to get the boys together for a couple playdates.
Went and spent 45 minutes in OFL's office this afternoon to talk over options of what to do about the Eeyore situation. As the title says, it was the answer that wasn't an answer. I told him about the conversation we had, that it was disturbing to me, and that I wasn't sure how I was supposed to work as a partner with someone that I really felt I couldn't trust (in terms of not hesitating in the least before throwing my ass under the bus). He seemed pretty shocked by that. She blew me off again this afternoon for the inventory we both agreed needed doing -- Friday it was the playdate, today it was some nebulous "appointment". She left at 2:45. She did arrive early today to cover the AM shift because Kanga was out for a comp day, but I had told her Friday we REALLY needed to do the inventory today if she wasn't staying to do it Friday. I know she has a reading PLP tomorrow, for which she has not read the book (announced that today with the usual "oh well, someone else will have read it" attitude). I am sure that will preclude her doing anything requiring responsibility once again. I told him she had found three checks from staff for bookfair, told me that they were in the drawer first thing this morning, but had not bothered to bring them down to Joan herself for deposit. I had asked Joan if she'd come down with anything, and the answer was no. I suspect Eeyore doesn't want her name on any deposits.
OFL thought that I should continue to try to make things work as a partnership, starting with a guilt trip tomorrow about how she blew me off two afternoons running to do something we'd both agreed was necessary and we should do together, and how if this is a real partnership then she has to pick up her end of the stick and get a move on. Beyond that I am supposed to keep track of what she actually does (shades of Cynthia) and what I do. This should be a lot of fucking fun. He told me I am a "big personality" and maybe she thinks she is overshadowed by me, so maybe I should be encouraging teachers to ask her to do things for them. I'm honestly not sure who to ask -- I have teachers who have specifically said they do not want to deal with her. He did say that perhaps she might be better suited at a more limited level (read: different level school), but that we should make every effort to work this out.
If that doesn't work --well, I asked him to think about how what the line in the sand was going to be ... how much is too much. I hope we don't go there, but after what the Good Doctor put me through at CMS, I need him to know I have limits as to what I will put up with. I don't know where the line in the sand is yet for me, but I know it's not too far off.
Weird tidbit of the day -- In college, OFL dated Eeyore's sister (a very successful school administrator now, who according to OFL receives rave reviews for everything she does). She never mentioned to him while they were dating that she even had a sister. Hmmmmmm. Anyone else think the shrinks would have a field day with this one????
Friday, January 12, 2007
Equal Partnership My Ass: A Really Long Bitch
How do you deal with the knowledge that a colleague would sell you out in a heartbeat? I have to figure out the answer to this one, and damned soon, so I can manage to keep doing my job in a professional manner.
When I took this job, the discussion I had with my dear friend and now downtown boss was that the job parameters were slightly altered: instead of one "head" position and one junior position, the two media specialists were to be as equal partners as we could manage, splitting duties as practically as possible and sharing responsibilities. The discussions I had with Eeyore led me to believe this was a workable situation where we could ebb and flow whatever we had to do and attempt to balance work life with the needs of our young families. Sounds good, right? I thought so.
And then we have the truth, or what nobody really told me.
That fantasy of a workable situation was dependent on both of us being willing and capable of making decisions and actually acting upon them to effect the changes in the media center that we had discussed and agreed were in the best interests of the students and staff. That doesn't happen. Read: I would have to set her ass on fire to get her to 1. decide to sit down and 2. then DO IT.
The building administrators were apparently not let in on the idea that the media specialist jobs would be on equal footing, not "head" and "junior". Since I replaced the "head" they automatically think of and have actually referred to me as the "head". I did try to correct that early on, but they looked at me like I was nuts and told me that was the job in this building. The jealousy factor that goes along with this is intense, and it seems to bother her even more that I really couldn't give two shits about being "head" in anyone's eyes. This seems exceptionally bizarre to me right now, given what happened this week. I've still been trying to make this work as a partnership even though it's like trying to nail Jello to a tree.
I was told early on by my predecessor that Eeyore had difficulty following through with anything other than teaching classes and showing up for lunch duty. Eeyore assured me that she wanted very much to do more but had been stymied by the imposing and controlling personality whom I replaced. I actually bought that. More fantasy.
In reality, if I need to make sure that something gets done I have got to do it myself. The staff will often refuse to deal with her because her performance is so poor. They have described her using the words "uninspiring", "learned helplessness", "dull" and "boring." I have had staff remove the signup schedules from the desk, come find me, and ask me to do booktalks or help them with something, but only if she is not involved. I have attempted to get her to participate in booktalks and do "tandem" ones where I do some books and she does some books, but that has been a raging disaster because she doesn't read. How the hell you can be a media specialist and not read at least a couple books a month I don't know. We're talking YA novels, not goddamn rocket science.
The last tandem booktalk we did was in November, three periods for one teacher's classes, and she refused to pull the cart with me, and then told me she didn't know any of the books. I asked her to add whatever she liked that she thought was appropriate, smiled and walked away. She refused to participate in the first two booktalks -- but she listened to what I booktalked and how I did it. I had to go into the lab to teach my class the period of the last booktalk, and the teacher came to me afterward and complained that she only talked briefly about the books she had heard me booktalk during the previous two periods. Aside from the lukewarm response from the class toward the books, the main problem was that there were few copies left of the ones I had talked about already, so the kids were left to rummage through the cart and try to figure out if anything else might interest them. The teacher was adamant that we should not do this again. When I was out sick, there were three booktalks she was forced to do on her own, and again it was a flaming disaster. I had scheduled them with the teacher just before vacation, and had planned to pull the cart the first day we were back to school. The cart was pulled not based on the teacher's requests but on an old list with the core book's title at the top, left by my predecessor. The titles were old, many not appropriate to the teacher's aims for the classes (both in terms of subjects that didn't match her requests and reading levels that were far too easy), and the few that Eeyore was apparently ready to booktalk were the sequels to the core novel that the students had not yet read -- and it is more than crucial to read those in order. It was utterly ridiculous. My substitutes all week did her lunch duties, other than the one every other day where the administrators have us doing lunch duty at the same time in different cafeterias. I got called at home to update the website for my principal, and when I logged on to do what he asked, I saw that she had made a mess of the front page by just copying and pasting straight from the daily email announcements without editing or condensing, or using pdf links for more extensive announcements. I'm home sick, loopy from the steroids and I have to do this????
Eeyore came in on Monday and brought a teakettle from home -- told me that our aide, whose kitchen is now completely demolished, took the electric teapot (which was hers) home so she could boil water. Eeyore told me that the kettle had been a wedding present, and that she had never used it (it was in the box -- a basic copper-bottom Revereware kettle ... for the stove). I didn't say anything about it, and thought it was a little odd. She proceeded to wash the kettle, leave it on the counter, and then about 20 minutes later announced "Oh! This isn't an electric one!" I was at my desk and couldn't see her behind the circ desk back wall, so I have no idea what finally tipped her off. This is someone who is supposed to be a technology resource for the staff??
Since the beginning she has been insisting that we both had to do things and both make decisions. This has consistently been unworkable. We discussed weeding the collection over the summer before the previous school year finished, and she told me she wasn't going to come in to do any work at all over the summer -- she needed to clean her closets at home. I told her the exact dates I was planning to weed, since I had two weeks of both my little guy in camp and Sadie in daycare four days a week, and I told her if she wanted to join me or come drop in at any point she was more than welcome, and she said that was great idea and that it was nice that I was willing to do that since she wasn't. I weeded over 4,000 ancient and decrepit books over a course of about four weeks (did some therapeutic "get something done" time when my parents arrived and my mother-in-law was at the end). When I told her what I had accomplished in a phone call (which was originally to tell her I was taking the first two days of the school year off for bereavement since my mother-in-law had just died), she sounded miffed and ended the conversation. She called back ten minutes later and screamed at me and told me off for doing it. Her exact words were "It's not YOUR library!" WhaFuck? My response was to tell her "We discussed this in June. You knew what I was going to do, you knew when I would be there to do it, and you chose not to participate or even drop by to see how or what I was doing. We made the decision, I chose to follow it and you chose not to help." She kept repeating "What makes you think you can just come in and do that? It's not your library!" (Like I'm some janitor who would rather throw out the books than dust the shelves???) I think I repeated my response about five times. It took everything I had in me to keep my voice calm and professional. She ended in a huff, telling me that we had a major communication problem and we were going to have to deal with this as soon as I got back. When I got back to work, she mentioned that we had to discuss communication several times, but when I actually said "Fine, how about right now? We have time" she wouldn't actually talk about it -- just kept repeating that we have to communicate better.
Every single thing that anyone has asked me to learn to do or participate in (the webmaster duties, managing the website for the school, booktalks, workshops, meetings, consultations etc) Eeyore has gotten upset/miffed/huffy about: "Well why wasn't I asked to ...? You know this is supposed to be equal." However, by the same token, when I have made sure to include her immediately in discussions or requests, her response has been an unfailing, "Oh, you can do that. I really haven't done/read/whatever and you have." I have been telling her from the get-go that I DON'T CARE who people are asking to do things -- if she wants to do things, that's fine, but the bottom line is things have to get done. Looking back it's almost a paranoid-style response from her when she thinks I am somehow "getting" to do more than she is or that people ask me first and not her first, or don't make sure to ask us together or whatever. She pops up, usually starts off in a normal voice, but descends very quickly into a whiny-sounding harangue thaqt at this point I can't even listen to -- all I hear when she starts is "mememememememe". When I get asked to do something, I tell her about it as soon as is practical. I'm not interrupting her class or marching down to the caf to find her on lunch duty so that I can get her paranoid responses any faster.
We had a fairly serious difficulty just this week that required both of us to sit down and try to figure out what had gone awry. We decided that one of the solutions we would put in place now would be to purchase a small, relatively inexpensive combination safe. When the P.O. went down to the office, I was called down to explain the reasons why we needed such an item. This was during Eeyore's class. I decided to go down and be completely honest and take responsibility for what had occurred. I sat down with our fearless leader in his office to explain the situation in its entirety. When I sat down with him and explained the problem, the first thing I said after the explanation was "I'm responsible for this. I did things the way we have always done them, and trusted that it would be just fine. It wasn't." The discussion then went into all the possible variables, and the fact that there were so many major variables that there really was no viable solution. About that time, Eeyore walked in and said "Is this a meeting I should be at?" (As if I'm leaving her out on purpose) I told her that I was explaining our situation to our fearless leader, at which point she interrupted to announce that she had just brought down and deposited the exact amount of lost book monies we had collected since the beginning of school, and that she wasn't sure if the district could tell that we should have done that, but that she thought we should have the exact amounts recorded. This really wasn't what we were discussing, but I let it go because she was getting higher-pitched and more strident sounding. Then she said she had to go to lunch duty and left. OFL didn't quite know what to make of that. I left after telling him that I was planning to research different options and figure out some way to use the technology we have available to prevent the situation in the future. He was not pleased, but he was not angry with me. After I finished lunch duty, Eeyore found me near my desk, got close to me and said quietly, so what did you say to OFL? I told her that I gave him the facts, the variables, explained the problem, and that I told him I was responsible for this. The relief the came over her was palpable -- she actually thought that I was in there selling her out. The first thing out of her mouth was "Oh, GOOD!" I was aghast at her reaction and what she was continuing to say to me. She really thought I was in there dumping the blame on her. I couldn't even respond other than "WHAT?" The thought never entered into my mind to even consider doing such a thing... but apparently it did for her.
A later conversation with OFL made it clear that if the situation continued without change, all three of our jobs (his, mine and Eeyore's) were potentially in jeopardy as the district's expansion of some big brotherish software is coming sometime in the next few months. I made it very clear to him that I would not under any circumstance allow things to continue as is, and that I would ensure that this never, ever happened again. Again, he was very matter-of-fact with me, not angry. I believe that it was because I was thoroughly honest about things, answered all questions without hedging, and took immediate responsibility without being forced to do so. Though I believe Eeyore is an honest person, I cannot now say that she is capable of the latter two items in that last sentence. I decided to tell her what else OFL had said this afternoon once all the students had left, and her reaction was even worse than before. She actually said "I don't see why I should be held accountable -- I never had to deal with this before and I wasn't responsible for this at all." I said "We are both media specialists up here and we were both responsible for taking care of the situation." Her response was to just repeat that she didn't see any reasons why she should be accountable for any of it, it wasn't her fault, and why was I telling her this now anyway?
Damned if you communicate, damned if you don't. My junior high gym teacher, Mama Roe, used to holler at us "You cain't have yo' cake and eat it too!" I wish she'd show up and bellow that at Eeyore a few times. She had a great scaryass don'tfuckwithme voice.
Right now the one thing I know for certain is that I cannot depend upon her to be responsible for anything of consequence that I could also be held accountable for. I can't trust her. I don't know how to work with someone I truly do not trust. I've worked with people who were assholes, people I genuinely did not like, people who had major life situations that made them unreliable, but I cannot think of a single person I have ever worked with whom I distrusted this much. I do believe that if I had been teaching and she had been called down to explain, that she would have blamed it all on me. I don't believe that OFL would have necessarily bought that, but the idea that ducking all responsibility and assigning blame elsewhere would have very likely been her first response is pretty much a death blow to this "equality" business. After talking with my hubby, who was concerned enough about the situation to actually listen to me and try to help me sort out my options, I know that I need to discuss this with OFL as soon as practical next week (Tues, or Wed latest) and find way to make absolutely certain that my ass is convered and she has no possible options for any actions that would result in ME getting called on the carpet or worse.
And I return to my original question - how do I deal with knowing that she'd throw me under the bus without a second thought, and still manage some kind of professional/working relationship?
When I took this job, the discussion I had with my dear friend and now downtown boss was that the job parameters were slightly altered: instead of one "head" position and one junior position, the two media specialists were to be as equal partners as we could manage, splitting duties as practically as possible and sharing responsibilities. The discussions I had with Eeyore led me to believe this was a workable situation where we could ebb and flow whatever we had to do and attempt to balance work life with the needs of our young families. Sounds good, right? I thought so.
And then we have the truth, or what nobody really told me.
That fantasy of a workable situation was dependent on both of us being willing and capable of making decisions and actually acting upon them to effect the changes in the media center that we had discussed and agreed were in the best interests of the students and staff. That doesn't happen. Read: I would have to set her ass on fire to get her to 1. decide to sit down and 2. then DO IT.
The building administrators were apparently not let in on the idea that the media specialist jobs would be on equal footing, not "head" and "junior". Since I replaced the "head" they automatically think of and have actually referred to me as the "head". I did try to correct that early on, but they looked at me like I was nuts and told me that was the job in this building. The jealousy factor that goes along with this is intense, and it seems to bother her even more that I really couldn't give two shits about being "head" in anyone's eyes. This seems exceptionally bizarre to me right now, given what happened this week. I've still been trying to make this work as a partnership even though it's like trying to nail Jello to a tree.
I was told early on by my predecessor that Eeyore had difficulty following through with anything other than teaching classes and showing up for lunch duty. Eeyore assured me that she wanted very much to do more but had been stymied by the imposing and controlling personality whom I replaced. I actually bought that. More fantasy.
In reality, if I need to make sure that something gets done I have got to do it myself. The staff will often refuse to deal with her because her performance is so poor. They have described her using the words "uninspiring", "learned helplessness", "dull" and "boring." I have had staff remove the signup schedules from the desk, come find me, and ask me to do booktalks or help them with something, but only if she is not involved. I have attempted to get her to participate in booktalks and do "tandem" ones where I do some books and she does some books, but that has been a raging disaster because she doesn't read. How the hell you can be a media specialist and not read at least a couple books a month I don't know. We're talking YA novels, not goddamn rocket science.
The last tandem booktalk we did was in November, three periods for one teacher's classes, and she refused to pull the cart with me, and then told me she didn't know any of the books. I asked her to add whatever she liked that she thought was appropriate, smiled and walked away. She refused to participate in the first two booktalks -- but she listened to what I booktalked and how I did it. I had to go into the lab to teach my class the period of the last booktalk, and the teacher came to me afterward and complained that she only talked briefly about the books she had heard me booktalk during the previous two periods. Aside from the lukewarm response from the class toward the books, the main problem was that there were few copies left of the ones I had talked about already, so the kids were left to rummage through the cart and try to figure out if anything else might interest them. The teacher was adamant that we should not do this again. When I was out sick, there were three booktalks she was forced to do on her own, and again it was a flaming disaster. I had scheduled them with the teacher just before vacation, and had planned to pull the cart the first day we were back to school. The cart was pulled not based on the teacher's requests but on an old list with the core book's title at the top, left by my predecessor. The titles were old, many not appropriate to the teacher's aims for the classes (both in terms of subjects that didn't match her requests and reading levels that were far too easy), and the few that Eeyore was apparently ready to booktalk were the sequels to the core novel that the students had not yet read -- and it is more than crucial to read those in order. It was utterly ridiculous. My substitutes all week did her lunch duties, other than the one every other day where the administrators have us doing lunch duty at the same time in different cafeterias. I got called at home to update the website for my principal, and when I logged on to do what he asked, I saw that she had made a mess of the front page by just copying and pasting straight from the daily email announcements without editing or condensing, or using pdf links for more extensive announcements. I'm home sick, loopy from the steroids and I have to do this????
Eeyore came in on Monday and brought a teakettle from home -- told me that our aide, whose kitchen is now completely demolished, took the electric teapot (which was hers) home so she could boil water. Eeyore told me that the kettle had been a wedding present, and that she had never used it (it was in the box -- a basic copper-bottom Revereware kettle ... for the stove). I didn't say anything about it, and thought it was a little odd. She proceeded to wash the kettle, leave it on the counter, and then about 20 minutes later announced "Oh! This isn't an electric one!" I was at my desk and couldn't see her behind the circ desk back wall, so I have no idea what finally tipped her off. This is someone who is supposed to be a technology resource for the staff??
Since the beginning she has been insisting that we both had to do things and both make decisions. This has consistently been unworkable. We discussed weeding the collection over the summer before the previous school year finished, and she told me she wasn't going to come in to do any work at all over the summer -- she needed to clean her closets at home. I told her the exact dates I was planning to weed, since I had two weeks of both my little guy in camp and Sadie in daycare four days a week, and I told her if she wanted to join me or come drop in at any point she was more than welcome, and she said that was great idea and that it was nice that I was willing to do that since she wasn't. I weeded over 4,000 ancient and decrepit books over a course of about four weeks (did some therapeutic "get something done" time when my parents arrived and my mother-in-law was at the end). When I told her what I had accomplished in a phone call (which was originally to tell her I was taking the first two days of the school year off for bereavement since my mother-in-law had just died), she sounded miffed and ended the conversation. She called back ten minutes later and screamed at me and told me off for doing it. Her exact words were "It's not YOUR library!" WhaFuck? My response was to tell her "We discussed this in June. You knew what I was going to do, you knew when I would be there to do it, and you chose not to participate or even drop by to see how or what I was doing. We made the decision, I chose to follow it and you chose not to help." She kept repeating "What makes you think you can just come in and do that? It's not your library!" (Like I'm some janitor who would rather throw out the books than dust the shelves???) I think I repeated my response about five times. It took everything I had in me to keep my voice calm and professional. She ended in a huff, telling me that we had a major communication problem and we were going to have to deal with this as soon as I got back. When I got back to work, she mentioned that we had to discuss communication several times, but when I actually said "Fine, how about right now? We have time" she wouldn't actually talk about it -- just kept repeating that we have to communicate better.
Every single thing that anyone has asked me to learn to do or participate in (the webmaster duties, managing the website for the school, booktalks, workshops, meetings, consultations etc) Eeyore has gotten upset/miffed/huffy about: "Well why wasn't I asked to ...? You know this is supposed to be equal." However, by the same token, when I have made sure to include her immediately in discussions or requests, her response has been an unfailing, "Oh, you can do that. I really haven't done/read/whatever and you have." I have been telling her from the get-go that I DON'T CARE who people are asking to do things -- if she wants to do things, that's fine, but the bottom line is things have to get done. Looking back it's almost a paranoid-style response from her when she thinks I am somehow "getting" to do more than she is or that people ask me first and not her first, or don't make sure to ask us together or whatever. She pops up, usually starts off in a normal voice, but descends very quickly into a whiny-sounding harangue thaqt at this point I can't even listen to -- all I hear when she starts is "mememememememe". When I get asked to do something, I tell her about it as soon as is practical. I'm not interrupting her class or marching down to the caf to find her on lunch duty so that I can get her paranoid responses any faster.
We had a fairly serious difficulty just this week that required both of us to sit down and try to figure out what had gone awry. We decided that one of the solutions we would put in place now would be to purchase a small, relatively inexpensive combination safe. When the P.O. went down to the office, I was called down to explain the reasons why we needed such an item. This was during Eeyore's class. I decided to go down and be completely honest and take responsibility for what had occurred. I sat down with our fearless leader in his office to explain the situation in its entirety. When I sat down with him and explained the problem, the first thing I said after the explanation was "I'm responsible for this. I did things the way we have always done them, and trusted that it would be just fine. It wasn't." The discussion then went into all the possible variables, and the fact that there were so many major variables that there really was no viable solution. About that time, Eeyore walked in and said "Is this a meeting I should be at?" (As if I'm leaving her out on purpose) I told her that I was explaining our situation to our fearless leader, at which point she interrupted to announce that she had just brought down and deposited the exact amount of lost book monies we had collected since the beginning of school, and that she wasn't sure if the district could tell that we should have done that, but that she thought we should have the exact amounts recorded. This really wasn't what we were discussing, but I let it go because she was getting higher-pitched and more strident sounding. Then she said she had to go to lunch duty and left. OFL didn't quite know what to make of that. I left after telling him that I was planning to research different options and figure out some way to use the technology we have available to prevent the situation in the future. He was not pleased, but he was not angry with me. After I finished lunch duty, Eeyore found me near my desk, got close to me and said quietly, so what did you say to OFL? I told her that I gave him the facts, the variables, explained the problem, and that I told him I was responsible for this. The relief the came over her was palpable -- she actually thought that I was in there selling her out. The first thing out of her mouth was "Oh, GOOD!" I was aghast at her reaction and what she was continuing to say to me. She really thought I was in there dumping the blame on her. I couldn't even respond other than "WHAT?" The thought never entered into my mind to even consider doing such a thing... but apparently it did for her.
A later conversation with OFL made it clear that if the situation continued without change, all three of our jobs (his, mine and Eeyore's) were potentially in jeopardy as the district's expansion of some big brotherish software is coming sometime in the next few months. I made it very clear to him that I would not under any circumstance allow things to continue as is, and that I would ensure that this never, ever happened again. Again, he was very matter-of-fact with me, not angry. I believe that it was because I was thoroughly honest about things, answered all questions without hedging, and took immediate responsibility without being forced to do so. Though I believe Eeyore is an honest person, I cannot now say that she is capable of the latter two items in that last sentence. I decided to tell her what else OFL had said this afternoon once all the students had left, and her reaction was even worse than before. She actually said "I don't see why I should be held accountable -- I never had to deal with this before and I wasn't responsible for this at all." I said "We are both media specialists up here and we were both responsible for taking care of the situation." Her response was to just repeat that she didn't see any reasons why she should be accountable for any of it, it wasn't her fault, and why was I telling her this now anyway?
Damned if you communicate, damned if you don't. My junior high gym teacher, Mama Roe, used to holler at us "You cain't have yo' cake and eat it too!" I wish she'd show up and bellow that at Eeyore a few times. She had a great scaryass don'tfuckwithme voice.
Right now the one thing I know for certain is that I cannot depend upon her to be responsible for anything of consequence that I could also be held accountable for. I can't trust her. I don't know how to work with someone I truly do not trust. I've worked with people who were assholes, people I genuinely did not like, people who had major life situations that made them unreliable, but I cannot think of a single person I have ever worked with whom I distrusted this much. I do believe that if I had been teaching and she had been called down to explain, that she would have blamed it all on me. I don't believe that OFL would have necessarily bought that, but the idea that ducking all responsibility and assigning blame elsewhere would have very likely been her first response is pretty much a death blow to this "equality" business. After talking with my hubby, who was concerned enough about the situation to actually listen to me and try to help me sort out my options, I know that I need to discuss this with OFL as soon as practical next week (Tues, or Wed latest) and find way to make absolutely certain that my ass is convered and she has no possible options for any actions that would result in ME getting called on the carpet or worse.
And I return to my original question - how do I deal with knowing that she'd throw me under the bus without a second thought, and still manage some kind of professional/working relationship?
Thursday, January 04, 2007
What IS it about men and illness???
My cold from last week got significantly worse over the New Year's weekend, and I woke up at 4am Tuesday with my arm glued to me face from the discharge coming out of my eyes. Thank you, bacterial conjunctivitis. Went to see my favorite doc, and Jimmy told me that my lungs were also full of crap, which was why it was painful to take a deep breath, my temperature and my white count were both up, and the conjunctivitis was bacterial, likely from the infection that was already in my lungs and working on becoming pneumonia. Great. I can't go back to work until Monday because I'm officially contagious, I'm on all kinds of meds now, and the steroids he gave me to help clear out my lungs are making me absolutely nuts. I haven't slept more than 3 hours straight in two days, and when I do sleep I have the most bizarre and unsettling dreams, so I'm not feeling rested at all.
Add to all this my incredibly asanine husband, who apparently thinks that because I don't have to go to work, I should be able to do all sorts of things. When I asked him to pick up milk for the kids, his answer was "Why can't you do it?" When I told him (again) that I was sick and contagious, and trying to avoid contact with people, he sighed, and acted annoyed and put out. I called Mal to ask him to pick up the kids for me Tuesday, and when he knew he wouldn't be back in time, he called me and asked, "Why can't Steven do it?" My response was "Right. That's not going to happen." I don't know what he said to Steve, but I know he called him, and Steve came home early and picked up the kids. Unfortunately, whatever he said to him didn't stick. Yesterday I asked him if he would pick up the kids, and he said if he got home early. I assumed this meant that he would if he got home in time. He got home at 4:00, laid down on the bed upstairs, and when I asked when he was leaving to get the kids, he said "I thought you were going to do it." When I reminded him that he had in fact gotten home in time, he snapped, "I don't feel like it, okay? Why can't you do it?" He doesn't seem to care that I'm sick and exhausted. I ended up going to pick up the kids, and when I got home I ignored him and went upstairs and passed out for two hours. You would think that he would have at least have had some thought that I was getting behind the wheel of the Tahoe -- the most expensive thing we own other than the house, and he would have at least have been concerned that something might happen to the truck.
This morning he sighed and asked me "how are you feeling?" When I said that I felt like shit and that I hadn't slept more than three hours at a stretch in two days, he said nothing and just walked out the door. I've had thoughts of calling the locksmith and getting the locks changed and throwing his clothes into the driveway, but he wouldn't even know why. It drives me crazy because when he gets sick, the world stops on a dime, and he goes to bed and expects me to do everything for him. When I get sick, he gets annoyed that I even ask him to do anything. When he asks how I am, it comes across like he thinks he HAS to ask the question but doesn't give a shit about the answer. If I tell him anything about symptoms or how I feel, he doesn't respond other than looked irritated or annoyed. How is it that he can be so goddamn unsympathetic and incapable of any empathy whatsoever? Every time this happens I have this thought that if I ever have something truly go wrong with me, like God forbid, getting cancer or something else serious like that, he will be an utter hindrance to treatment and recovery.
Add to all this my incredibly asanine husband, who apparently thinks that because I don't have to go to work, I should be able to do all sorts of things. When I asked him to pick up milk for the kids, his answer was "Why can't you do it?" When I told him (again) that I was sick and contagious, and trying to avoid contact with people, he sighed, and acted annoyed and put out. I called Mal to ask him to pick up the kids for me Tuesday, and when he knew he wouldn't be back in time, he called me and asked, "Why can't Steven do it?" My response was "Right. That's not going to happen." I don't know what he said to Steve, but I know he called him, and Steve came home early and picked up the kids. Unfortunately, whatever he said to him didn't stick. Yesterday I asked him if he would pick up the kids, and he said if he got home early. I assumed this meant that he would if he got home in time. He got home at 4:00, laid down on the bed upstairs, and when I asked when he was leaving to get the kids, he said "I thought you were going to do it." When I reminded him that he had in fact gotten home in time, he snapped, "I don't feel like it, okay? Why can't you do it?" He doesn't seem to care that I'm sick and exhausted. I ended up going to pick up the kids, and when I got home I ignored him and went upstairs and passed out for two hours. You would think that he would have at least have had some thought that I was getting behind the wheel of the Tahoe -- the most expensive thing we own other than the house, and he would have at least have been concerned that something might happen to the truck.
This morning he sighed and asked me "how are you feeling?" When I said that I felt like shit and that I hadn't slept more than three hours at a stretch in two days, he said nothing and just walked out the door. I've had thoughts of calling the locksmith and getting the locks changed and throwing his clothes into the driveway, but he wouldn't even know why. It drives me crazy because when he gets sick, the world stops on a dime, and he goes to bed and expects me to do everything for him. When I get sick, he gets annoyed that I even ask him to do anything. When he asks how I am, it comes across like he thinks he HAS to ask the question but doesn't give a shit about the answer. If I tell him anything about symptoms or how I feel, he doesn't respond other than looked irritated or annoyed. How is it that he can be so goddamn unsympathetic and incapable of any empathy whatsoever? Every time this happens I have this thought that if I ever have something truly go wrong with me, like God forbid, getting cancer or something else serious like that, he will be an utter hindrance to treatment and recovery.
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