And I'm wishing I could abandon everything and head for Maine. But I can't. I have two children who still believe that Christmas is wonderful and lovely, and I need them to still believe that. I am having my own troubles... getting grumpy with God again, not understanding whatever stupid crap He allows to happen. But that's my job. I'm human. I'm allowed to have free will and wonder. And I absolutely plan to have a long-ass conversation with Him about the whys and how-comes once I kick the bucket. But up to that point, it's pretty much one-sided and my questions only. Not exactly fair. However, I don't see events in my life as exactly fair either... so it's once again a crapshoot.
I will do whatever it takes for my family to have a lovely Christmas.
If it's anything like the last couple of years, it will feel like I am taking a bullet. Hourly.
I need them to be safe and happy.
But I would very much like to be on an island, drink in hand, pretending the calendar doesn't exist for six weeks or so.
Where is that fuckingPowerball when I need it????
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