and the winner is...

Definitely exhaustion.
I've been to bed by 8 pm twice this week and I still don't feel like I've caught up. Doesn't help that the Drama Queen has been waking up and wailing at 4am the last couple nights consistently. She was a total pain in the ass today at daycare too -- Tasha's never been that detailed in all the jackass things she's done all day. I got in DQ's face about that immediately and told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to behave that way ever, and if she did I was going to tell Tasha to call me at work and that I would come HELP her behave. Made me feel like the boss with the hat in Cool Hand Luke ("You got your mind RIGHT there boy?") -- which of course made me feel like shit, but she can't get away with acting like that. She may be channeling my mother-in-law, but damned if I have to let her get off scot free for it.
I haven't been feeling right for a couple weeks, but it seems to be getting worse. Not sleeping right, feeling exhausted and at the end of my rope most of the time... I'm wondering if this is temporary or if I should consider going back on the meds. I can't think of anything specific that ought to be sending me over the edge, but maybe it's a lot of little things that I'm not giving enough credit to. Sure sign something's up -- not looking forward to my birthday in the least, and I would be more than happy to ignore the occasion completely. I usually want at least a couple nice cards and a nice dinner to look forward to, and the family always makes sure to send a couple nice gifts ... but I just don't care about any of that at all this year. It's strange to feel this way again (happened last year when we were constantly in crisis over the MOL), but this time without the impending doom and absolute focus on everything else going on.
Maybe I just need some peace.
That's been sorely lacking for a long time. We haven't had one holiday in the last few years that wasn't overtaken by the raging internal family dramas.
Maybe I just need some quiet time to recharge.
That's mostly what I had in Vegas last year (good thing -- if it hadn't been for that trip I would have been a complete disaster when it counted). Doesn't look like that will happen anytime soon though. Maybe I will get some peace in Louisiana ... taking the kids out in the kayak to see the dolphins in the mornings and evenings ... there's hope.