Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
9 days to go, so I figure this is enough warning. Can you just fast forward me to January? The kids are so looking forward to your visit, and I keep putting on the sorority smile about the whole shebang. All I want for Christmas is to not have to deal with any of the grownups I am related to by marriage. If you can't send me ahead to January, can you send all of them to somewhere waythehellfargone? Several different somewheres would be ideal. And if you leave me with all the kids, make sure and leave a bonus for our beloved cleaning lady (or send the elves over for the magical mystery cleanup).
I think this is the first Christmas I am really not enjoying at all, and worse, dreading.
Now, for the radio station that is playing a near-constant barrage of Christmas/holiday tunes, I have the beginnings of a variation on Santa Baby. It's a work in progress.

Santa baby,
slip a chainsaw under the tree
For me
To use upon my no-good (insert relative-in-law here)
I've been an awful good girl
So hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby,
a reinforced Humvee to schlep the body out to the dump
that chump
I'll wait up for you dear
So hurry down the chimney tonight!

Come and stuff my stocking tight
With those goggles that can see in the night
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me too
Ba-Doopy-Do

Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A string
nice and strong for a good-size garrotte
Why not?
Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight!
Hurry down the chimney tonight!

Done:

1. Shopping is done
2. Christmas cards are done and mailed
   
3. packages sent
4. teacher gifts gotten
   

Still to Do:

1. wrapping -- nighttime garage activity
   
2. finish painting the playhouse
3. make the cinnamon rolls for the neighbors and us
   
4. make a shopping list for Mal/Mike for Christmas Eve dinner
5. make sure we have vegetables and dessert for Christmas Day