What Day Is It Again?

I've gone from a few hell days to a full blown hell week. It's musical time at school, so the kids are wacky, the staff is stressed, and it's also time to post grades and start new classes. OFL brought Frankenstein up for a look-see as to what we need to have done (get rid of the nasty carpet, tile the floors, repaint, etc) in the media center ... except we got told that the district's facilities and maintenance budget has basically been gutted down to roofs and boilers only, with the $2 million going for "closing the gap." So no new floor tiles or paint for us AGAIN. I got pissed, and they both knew it. I didn't get ugly with them but I let them know that this was an absolute sin -- our media center is a dump, and our kids and our staff deserve better. I told OFL "You better plan to take me out for a drink after THIS."
Frankenstein did feel badly about it -- he did agree to demolish the back half of our circ desk and made sure that the work order to move and remove the last of the shelving got done. Eeyore's response to this was, "Oh well. That's too bad." Again -- not her responsibility, and absolutely no thought of "well, given our situation, what CAN we do to improve the physical facility for the kids and staff?" She seemed truly amazed that I could think that way. I started brainstorming immediately -- what projects could be tackled for the least cash and the most bang for the buck? The end result was that Kanga and I decided that she and I would attempt painting over the weird lavender strip on the wall, and the giant blue oval sitting over the circ desk during February vacation. Eeyore's reaction was "I don't see why you would do that." I told her why -- I want to do something to make this place LOOK nicer for the kids. It's not that fucking hard to figure out... except maybe if you're her. I emailed OFL with all of the suggestons, he okayed things, and is going to attempt to get us some paint and order area rugs over the summer. We'll see. I duct-taped about 18 feet of ripped carpet. That was Monday.
Then we have Tuesday morning. I walked in, greeted the Language Arts meeting that was going on in the MCI room (lots of teachers I know), opened the door to the media center, and was confronted by a very irritated-looking OFL, who had a crew of 7 Facilities guys behind him. "She doesn't know where the shelves are going ... FIX THIS." He walked out with smoke coming out his ears. Apparently Eeyore was there solo, and the crew came up to complete the work order before I got there. She apparently was unable to tell them which shelves were being moved, and which were being tossed (a conversation we had had probably eighteen times over the last 2-3 months). OFL came up, and she interrupted the conversation with him to check out books to kids and direct them and ask for passes. He was less than pleased -- not only because she had no clue and the guys were twiddling their thumbs, but because she was ignoring him and couldn't seem to be capable of telling the kids they would have to wait a few minutes. I know all this because I got called down to his office after the crew finished what they had to do.
Long story short -- they tossed what we asked them to toss, and they moved the giant shelving unit over in front of 217's windows. Big improvement overall -- not only do we have more and better display space, but we've now freed up the back area for the new reading furniture.
The LA meeting kept having tech difficulties, so I spent the majority of my day troubleshooting and getting interrupted.
Today, I had my new classes (mostly good, looks like 3 serious sped and 4 fazools in 7th period). Got grades done except for one weird twitch that guidance will have to solve. Eeyore came to me as I was putting my kids into the typing program and announced that she'd brought in her laptop and she definitely had dreamweaver on it (hurray, we've only been waiting since November for this). She started talking about the 8th grade index page that she hasn't started yet, and said she thought I should make my own. I told her no, she had agreed to do it, and she could organize it any way she saw fit. I told her as soon as she had the page setup done, I'd give her the typed lists of kids' names and topics, and when she was ready she could have my flash drive with all the files to link. She wanted me to contact BottleBrush downtown and review uploading directions, but I told her I wasn't going to do that until we were ready to upload something -- no point in asking for the directions again and then waiting a couple more weeks (cough cough) to try and upload when it's not fresh in your mind. She seemed to agree with that. She asked me to do my own page again, and I told her no, that was her project. Who KNOWS when she will actually get started with this. While I was in with my classes, our new reading spc. came up to look at the cart of books for her booktalk, and Eeyore decided to look over the books with her. What she didn't know was that only one side of the cart was for that booktalk -- I had pulled the other side for my lovely neighbor's classes. SO... Eeyore decided to take books off my cart without consulting me ... which means I now have more to do tomorrow.
Our intrepid J down in the office gave me the updated printout of our account so we know how much we can spend on furniture. Aunty M in Boston is working on good options for us. Eeyore agreed to schedule a field trip to Home Depot to investigate rug possibilities 2/5. I duct-taped another 15 feet or so of ripped carpet today. The safe arrived today. That should be a fun conversation tomorrow. SSChief2B asked me to go to Washington with the 8th graders the week of May 1, Tues-Fri. SM should be able to pull that off. He has been amazingly supportive since I came home talking about the bookfair issues. Hope that continues.
OFL dumped one more thing on my plate today -- a semi-retired resident who has written a YA novel (unpublished, still in manuscript form) and wants feedback. I got it today, she'll be in VT until Sunday, and I promised I would call her on Monday. Thank you sir may I have another. Actually, it could be good -- I don't know, it's just been such a jampacked week so far that I think I don't quite have the patience. I have a to-do list on my desk a mile long for the next two days. I think I need to go hide.

OFL Redux

Yesterday was busy as hell. Eeyore and I never got to say two words to each other -- one or both of us were busy every single period of the day. So, the guilt trip conversation didn't happen, and won't today either -- have to wait until tomorrow since I am out on my scheduled comp day today. She left early to go to the PLP session at the high school (the one she announced she was not prepared for the other day) so of course the inventory got put off -- again.
I got a couple emails from Jenny over at Just Books, and it looks like we can host one of the authors she has coming. I went down to check the schedule for the dates on her list, and OFL called me into his office when he saw me walk into the main office at 3:30.
The first thing he said "Now I know what you're talking about with her." Eeyore came in to see him at some point during the day to ask him to sign her personal day form. She wanted to take her personal day the day before Feb. vacation because she had scheduled flights out of town for that day. He told her personnel would never approve that because it was to extend a vacation, and that it wasn't going to happen. She kept asking him what to do, what to do, and he said he knew she was fishing for him to tell her to call in sick that day. He said he kept putting it back on her "I can't tell you what to do - you have to decide what to do. This is up to you." She apparently turned to walk out, he went back to whatever paperwork was on his desk, and she turned around, came right back in, and started the same conversation over again. As if the answer was somehow going to be different!
After he told the story, I looked at him and said, "So I'm not crazy!" He chuckled, and said, "No, never thought that, but now I know what you're dealing with up there." I told him that she had (as far as I could tell when I was passing by) been doing well helping the 7th grade classes with a lesson on using the online works consulted generator today -- there are some things that she is perfectly capable of handling. His response was "That's nice, but we have a lot more going on than that, and we need people who can handle things. I need you to be happy up there -- you work hard, you've done a great job getting things in shape, and I don't want you thinking that Central looks a whole lot better than this." It's nice to know that someone recognizes the amount of effort I've been putting into the place. He asked if I knew if anything was wrong at home for her, and I said she really avoided talking about home most of the time, so I had no idea.
Basically, I have to send her a specific email asking her to get the index page done for the kids' websites. If it's not done soon, then I should send another email asking for the same thing, and copy Asst OFL Who Works. That's kind of dropping the hammer hard, but he said I need to start a paper trail with this, and AOFLWW is her evaluator (and mine). He thinks eventually we will have to have a meeting to ask her why she isn't doing what she should be doing. Frankly, by that point, I doubt I'll have to say a word if there's a paper trail of things she hasn't done -- and the way she reacts under the least pressure, she'll hang herself in six minutes or less.
Honestly, at this point, I'm seriously hoping that I get asked to go to Washington with the 8th grade this spring. Any chance I have to get out of there will be a good thing.
Today I'm planning to go to the hardware store for a couple things, and then come home and read all day. I had some books here, and I brought home a big stash so I'd have choices. The 4th Traveling Pants is first in line!

An Answer That's No Answer At All

Today was very good on some fronts. My friend Mary, who is working on her masters in instructional technology plus media specialist degrees at Fairfield Univ started a 15 week internship with us today. She has done some really interesting grad school projects (including matching up GPS curriculum standards with appropriate current reference books), so I am really looking forward to having her with us. I need to get her times to go over to CMS and WMS to look at their facilities, definitely watch the Hobbit in action in booktalks and maybe storytelling if that falls on the right days, and maybe go watch the Fisherman teach a couple classes to get a sense of how things are similiar/different in different schools. Definitely have to introduce her to Christopher Robin downtown too. Mary will be done a year from now, so there may well be opportunities coming up -- the Hobbit will be retiring about then.
Mary's son Jackson was in Jake's preschool class, and he's big on the Pokemon nonsense too, so we definitely have to get the boys together for a couple playdates.

Went and spent 45 minutes in OFL's office this afternoon to talk over options of what to do about the Eeyore situation. As the title says, it was the answer that wasn't an answer. I told him about the conversation we had, that it was disturbing to me, and that I wasn't sure how I was supposed to work as a partner with someone that I really felt I couldn't trust (in terms of not hesitating in the least before throwing my ass under the bus). He seemed pretty shocked by that. She blew me off again this afternoon for the inventory we both agreed needed doing -- Friday it was the playdate, today it was some nebulous "appointment". She left at 2:45. She did arrive early today to cover the AM shift because Kanga was out for a comp day, but I had told her Friday we REALLY needed to do the inventory today if she wasn't staying to do it Friday. I know she has a reading PLP tomorrow, for which she has not read the book (announced that today with the usual "oh well, someone else will have read it" attitude). I am sure that will preclude her doing anything requiring responsibility once again. I told him she had found three checks from staff for bookfair, told me that they were in the drawer first thing this morning, but had not bothered to bring them down to Joan herself for deposit. I had asked Joan if she'd come down with anything, and the answer was no. I suspect Eeyore doesn't want her name on any deposits.
OFL thought that I should continue to try to make things work as a partnership, starting with a guilt trip tomorrow about how she blew me off two afternoons running to do something we'd both agreed was necessary and we should do together, and how if this is a real partnership then she has to pick up her end of the stick and get a move on. Beyond that I am supposed to keep track of what she actually does (shades of Cynthia) and what I do. This should be a lot of fucking fun. He told me I am a "big personality" and maybe she thinks she is overshadowed by me, so maybe I should be encouraging teachers to ask her to do things for them. I'm honestly not sure who to ask -- I have teachers who have specifically said they do not want to deal with her. He did say that perhaps she might be better suited at a more limited level (read: different level school), but that we should make every effort to work this out.
If that doesn't work --well, I asked him to think about how what the line in the sand was going to be ... how much is too much. I hope we don't go there, but after what the Good Doctor put me through at CMS, I need him to know I have limits as to what I will put up with. I don't know where the line in the sand is yet for me, but I know it's not too far off.
Weird tidbit of the day -- In college, OFL dated Eeyore's sister (a very successful school administrator now, who according to OFL receives rave reviews for everything she does). She never mentioned to him while they were dating that she even had a sister. Hmmmmmm. Anyone else think the shrinks would have a field day with this one????

Equal Partnership My Ass: A Really Long Bitch

How do you deal with the knowledge that a colleague would sell you out in a heartbeat? I have to figure out the answer to this one, and damned soon, so I can manage to keep doing my job in a professional manner.

When I took this job, the discussion I had with my dear friend and now downtown boss was that the job parameters were slightly altered: instead of one "head" position and one junior position, the two media specialists were to be as equal partners as we could manage, splitting duties as practically as possible and sharing responsibilities. The discussions I had with Eeyore led me to believe this was a workable situation where we could ebb and flow whatever we had to do and attempt to balance work life with the needs of our young families. Sounds good, right? I thought so.

And then we have the truth, or what nobody really told me.

That fantasy of a workable situation was dependent on both of us being willing and capable of making decisions and actually acting upon them to effect the changes in the media center that we had discussed and agreed were in the best interests of the students and staff. That doesn't happen. Read: I would have to set her ass on fire to get her to 1. decide to sit down and 2. then DO IT.
The building administrators were apparently not let in on the idea that the media specialist jobs would be on equal footing, not "head" and "junior". Since I replaced the "head" they automatically think of and have actually referred to me as the "head". I did try to correct that early on, but they looked at me like I was nuts and told me that was the job in this building. The jealousy factor that goes along with this is intense, and it seems to bother her even more that I really couldn't give two shits about being "head" in anyone's eyes. This seems exceptionally bizarre to me right now, given what happened this week. I've still been trying to make this work as a partnership even though it's like trying to nail Jello to a tree.
I was told early on by my predecessor that Eeyore had difficulty following through with anything other than teaching classes and showing up for lunch duty. Eeyore assured me that she wanted very much to do more but had been stymied by the imposing and controlling personality whom I replaced. I actually bought that. More fantasy.

In reality, if I need to make sure that something gets done I have got to do it myself. The staff will often refuse to deal with her because her performance is so poor. They have described her using the words "uninspiring", "learned helplessness", "dull" and "boring." I have had staff remove the signup schedules from the desk, come find me, and ask me to do booktalks or help them with something, but only if she is not involved. I have attempted to get her to participate in booktalks and do "tandem" ones where I do some books and she does some books, but that has been a raging disaster because she doesn't read. How the hell you can be a media specialist and not read at least a couple books a month I don't know. We're talking YA novels, not goddamn rocket science.

The last tandem booktalk we did was in November, three periods for one teacher's classes, and she refused to pull the cart with me, and then told me she didn't know any of the books. I asked her to add whatever she liked that she thought was appropriate, smiled and walked away. She refused to participate in the first two booktalks -- but she listened to what I booktalked and how I did it. I had to go into the lab to teach my class the period of the last booktalk, and the teacher came to me afterward and complained that she only talked briefly about the books she had heard me booktalk during the previous two periods. Aside from the lukewarm response from the class toward the books, the main problem was that there were few copies left of the ones I had talked about already, so the kids were left to rummage through the cart and try to figure out if anything else might interest them. The teacher was adamant that we should not do this again. When I was out sick, there were three booktalks she was forced to do on her own, and again it was a flaming disaster. I had scheduled them with the teacher just before vacation, and had planned to pull the cart the first day we were back to school. The cart was pulled not based on the teacher's requests but on an old list with the core book's title at the top, left by my predecessor. The titles were old, many not appropriate to the teacher's aims for the classes (both in terms of subjects that didn't match her requests and reading levels that were far too easy), and the few that Eeyore was apparently ready to booktalk were the sequels to the core novel that the students had not yet read -- and it is more than crucial to read those in order. It was utterly ridiculous. My substitutes all week did her lunch duties, other than the one every other day where the administrators have us doing lunch duty at the same time in different cafeterias. I got called at home to update the website for my principal, and when I logged on to do what he asked, I saw that she had made a mess of the front page by just copying and pasting straight from the daily email announcements without editing or condensing, or using pdf links for more extensive announcements. I'm home sick, loopy from the steroids and I have to do this????

Eeyore came in on Monday and brought a teakettle from home -- told me that our aide, whose kitchen is now completely demolished, took the electric teapot (which was hers) home so she could boil water. Eeyore told me that the kettle had been a wedding present, and that she had never used it (it was in the box -- a basic copper-bottom Revereware kettle ... for the stove). I didn't say anything about it, and thought it was a little odd. She proceeded to wash the kettle, leave it on the counter, and then about 20 minutes later announced "Oh! This isn't an electric one!" I was at my desk and couldn't see her behind the circ desk back wall, so I have no idea what finally tipped her off. This is someone who is supposed to be a technology resource for the staff??

Since the beginning she has been insisting that we both had to do things and both make decisions. This has consistently been unworkable. We discussed weeding the collection over the summer before the previous school year finished, and she told me she wasn't going to come in to do any work at all over the summer -- she needed to clean her closets at home. I told her the exact dates I was planning to weed, since I had two weeks of both my little guy in camp and Sadie in daycare four days a week, and I told her if she wanted to join me or come drop in at any point she was more than welcome, and she said that was great idea and that it was nice that I was willing to do that since she wasn't. I weeded over 4,000 ancient and decrepit books over a course of about four weeks (did some therapeutic "get something done" time when my parents arrived and my mother-in-law was at the end). When I told her what I had accomplished in a phone call (which was originally to tell her I was taking the first two days of the school year off for bereavement since my mother-in-law had just died), she sounded miffed and ended the conversation. She called back ten minutes later and screamed at me and told me off for doing it. Her exact words were "It's not YOUR library!" WhaFuck? My response was to tell her "We discussed this in June. You knew what I was going to do, you knew when I would be there to do it, and you chose not to participate or even drop by to see how or what I was doing. We made the decision, I chose to follow it and you chose not to help." She kept repeating "What makes you think you can just come in and do that? It's not your library!" (Like I'm some janitor who would rather throw out the books than dust the shelves???) I think I repeated my response about five times. It took everything I had in me to keep my voice calm and professional. She ended in a huff, telling me that we had a major communication problem and we were going to have to deal with this as soon as I got back. When I got back to work, she mentioned that we had to discuss communication several times, but when I actually said "Fine, how about right now? We have time" she wouldn't actually talk about it -- just kept repeating that we have to communicate better.

Every single thing that anyone has asked me to learn to do or participate in (the webmaster duties, managing the website for the school, booktalks, workshops, meetings, consultations etc) Eeyore has gotten upset/miffed/huffy about: "Well why wasn't I asked to ...? You know this is supposed to be equal." However, by the same token, when I have made sure to include her immediately in discussions or requests, her response has been an unfailing, "Oh, you can do that. I really haven't done/read/whatever and you have." I have been telling her from the get-go that I DON'T CARE who people are asking to do things -- if she wants to do things, that's fine, but the bottom line is things have to get done. Looking back it's almost a paranoid-style response from her when she thinks I am somehow "getting" to do more than she is or that people ask me first and not her first, or don't make sure to ask us together or whatever. She pops up, usually starts off in a normal voice, but descends very quickly into a whiny-sounding harangue thaqt at this point I can't even listen to -- all I hear when she starts is "mememememememe". When I get asked to do something, I tell her about it as soon as is practical. I'm not interrupting her class or marching down to the caf to find her on lunch duty so that I can get her paranoid responses any faster.

We had a fairly serious difficulty just this week that required both of us to sit down and try to figure out what had gone awry. We decided that one of the solutions we would put in place now would be to purchase a small, relatively inexpensive combination safe. When the P.O. went down to the office, I was called down to explain the reasons why we needed such an item. This was during Eeyore's class. I decided to go down and be completely honest and take responsibility for what had occurred. I sat down with our fearless leader in his office to explain the situation in its entirety. When I sat down with him and explained the problem, the first thing I said after the explanation was "I'm responsible for this. I did things the way we have always done them, and trusted that it would be just fine. It wasn't." The discussion then went into all the possible variables, and the fact that there were so many major variables that there really was no viable solution. About that time, Eeyore walked in and said "Is this a meeting I should be at?" (As if I'm leaving her out on purpose) I told her that I was explaining our situation to our fearless leader, at which point she interrupted to announce that she had just brought down and deposited the exact amount of lost book monies we had collected since the beginning of school, and that she wasn't sure if the district could tell that we should have done that, but that she thought we should have the exact amounts recorded. This really wasn't what we were discussing, but I let it go because she was getting higher-pitched and more strident sounding. Then she said she had to go to lunch duty and left. OFL didn't quite know what to make of that. I left after telling him that I was planning to research different options and figure out some way to use the technology we have available to prevent the situation in the future. He was not pleased, but he was not angry with me. After I finished lunch duty, Eeyore found me near my desk, got close to me and said quietly, so what did you say to OFL? I told her that I gave him the facts, the variables, explained the problem, and that I told him I was responsible for this. The relief the came over her was palpable -- she actually thought that I was in there selling her out. The first thing out of her mouth was "Oh, GOOD!" I was aghast at her reaction and what she was continuing to say to me. She really thought I was in there dumping the blame on her. I couldn't even respond other than "WHAT?" The thought never entered into my mind to even consider doing such a thing... but apparently it did for her.

A later conversation with OFL made it clear that if the situation continued without change, all three of our jobs (his, mine and Eeyore's) were potentially in jeopardy as the district's expansion of some big brotherish software is coming sometime in the next few months. I made it very clear to him that I would not under any circumstance allow things to continue as is, and that I would ensure that this never, ever happened again. Again, he was very matter-of-fact with me, not angry. I believe that it was because I was thoroughly honest about things, answered all questions without hedging, and took immediate responsibility without being forced to do so. Though I believe Eeyore is an honest person, I cannot now say that she is capable of the latter two items in that last sentence. I decided to tell her what else OFL had said this afternoon once all the students had left, and her reaction was even worse than before. She actually said "I don't see why I should be held accountable -- I never had to deal with this before and I wasn't responsible for this at all." I said "We are both media specialists up here and we were both responsible for taking care of the situation." Her response was to just repeat that she didn't see any reasons why she should be accountable for any of it, it wasn't her fault, and why was I telling her this now anyway?

Damned if you communicate, damned if you don't. My junior high gym teacher, Mama Roe, used to holler at us "You cain't have yo' cake and eat it too!" I wish she'd show up and bellow that at Eeyore a few times. She had a great scaryass don'tfuckwithme voice.

Right now the one thing I know for certain is that I cannot depend upon her to be responsible for anything of consequence that I could also be held accountable for. I can't trust her. I don't know how to work with someone I truly do not trust. I've worked with people who were assholes, people I genuinely did not like, people who had major life situations that made them unreliable, but I cannot think of a single person I have ever worked with whom I distrusted this much. I do believe that if I had been teaching and she had been called down to explain, that she would have blamed it all on me. I don't believe that OFL would have necessarily bought that, but the idea that ducking all responsibility and assigning blame elsewhere would have very likely been her first response is pretty much a death blow to this "equality" business. After talking with my hubby, who was concerned enough about the situation to actually listen to me and try to help me sort out my options, I know that I need to discuss this with OFL as soon as practical next week (Tues, or Wed latest) and find way to make absolutely certain that my ass is convered and she has no possible options for any actions that would result in ME getting called on the carpet or worse.
And I return to my original question - how do I deal with knowing that she'd throw me under the bus without a second thought, and still manage some kind of professional/working relationship?

What IS it about men and illness???

My cold from last week got significantly worse over the New Year's weekend, and I woke up at 4am Tuesday with my arm glued to me face from the discharge coming out of my eyes. Thank you, bacterial conjunctivitis. Went to see my favorite doc, and Jimmy told me that my lungs were also full of crap, which was why it was painful to take a deep breath, my temperature and my white count were both up, and the conjunctivitis was bacterial, likely from the infection that was already in my lungs and working on becoming pneumonia. Great. I can't go back to work until Monday because I'm officially contagious, I'm on all kinds of meds now, and the steroids he gave me to help clear out my lungs are making me absolutely nuts. I haven't slept more than 3 hours straight in two days, and when I do sleep I have the most bizarre and unsettling dreams, so I'm not feeling rested at all.
Add to all this my incredibly asanine husband, who apparently thinks that because I don't have to go to work, I should be able to do all sorts of things. When I asked him to pick up milk for the kids, his answer was "Why can't you do it?" When I told him (again) that I was sick and contagious, and trying to avoid contact with people, he sighed, and acted annoyed and put out. I called Mal to ask him to pick up the kids for me Tuesday, and when he knew he wouldn't be back in time, he called me and asked, "Why can't Steven do it?" My response was "Right. That's not going to happen." I don't know what he said to Steve, but I know he called him, and Steve came home early and picked up the kids. Unfortunately, whatever he said to him didn't stick. Yesterday I asked him if he would pick up the kids, and he said if he got home early. I assumed this meant that he would if he got home in time. He got home at 4:00, laid down on the bed upstairs, and when I asked when he was leaving to get the kids, he said "I thought you were going to do it." When I reminded him that he had in fact gotten home in time, he snapped, "I don't feel like it, okay? Why can't you do it?" He doesn't seem to care that I'm sick and exhausted. I ended up going to pick up the kids, and when I got home I ignored him and went upstairs and passed out for two hours. You would think that he would have at least have had some thought that I was getting behind the wheel of the Tahoe -- the most expensive thing we own other than the house, and he would have at least have been concerned that something might happen to the truck.
This morning he sighed and asked me "how are you feeling?" When I said that I felt like shit and that I hadn't slept more than three hours at a stretch in two days, he said nothing and just walked out the door. I've had thoughts of calling the locksmith and getting the locks changed and throwing his clothes into the driveway, but he wouldn't even know why. It drives me crazy because when he gets sick, the world stops on a dime, and he goes to bed and expects me to do everything for him. When I get sick, he gets annoyed that I even ask him to do anything. When he asks how I am, it comes across like he thinks he HAS to ask the question but doesn't give a shit about the answer. If I tell him anything about symptoms or how I feel, he doesn't respond other than looked irritated or annoyed. How is it that he can be so goddamn unsympathetic and incapable of any empathy whatsoever? Every time this happens I have this thought that if I ever have something truly go wrong with me, like God forbid, getting cancer or something else serious like that, he will be an utter hindrance to treatment and recovery.

Out With the Old, In With the New

Happy 2007 ... less than an hour to go for 2006, and I am glad to see this one go. May this year bring greater peace, kindness, and a balance of happiness to us all.
I have been now four days off the ADs, and I seem to be doing well so far. I have been down with a nasty cold for the last 36 hours or so, and have spent the time either wondering why in the hell Steve can't seem to handle two kids on his own when he expects me to be able to manage at the drop of a goddamn hat, or wondering how I got through the last year, and what I want the next year to be like.
How did I get through the last year? Let's see ... a lovely combination of alcohol and antidepressants for the most part, some inner stamina, and a sturdier bit of backbone that I wasn't sure I had. How about the next year? Maybe a bit of better planning, definitely less of the alcohol and hopefully none of the antidepressants. I've decided I will only go back to those as a last resort. They weren't bad for me; on the contrary, it was all too easy to take one a day and let that give me the patience I need for dealing with all the bullshit in my life. I guess I need to see if I can deal with all this myself.
I need to start taking care of myself. I missed the appointment with the cardiologist for my stress test, and I have to go get my cholesterol checked again in February. Jimmy's going to fuss at me if I haven't had the stress test by then. Guess my comp day will be a med day after all. I've been thinking that I should maybe go over and use the treadmill a couple times a week. I can't seem to get any exercise in any other way ... maybe there with something for the kids to do I could manage it. I know I need it.
Steve's mad about Mal's girlfriend. I need to talk to both of them about that, and I have no idea how to go about it. The dinner we had was lovely, but the repercussions later were not. It wasn't even technically about hat -- he was officially mad because I went back out after dropping off the sitter to spend another hour or two socializing with them at Uncle Mike's house in Stamford ... something he would have done himself, and has done many times in the past, left me home with the kids to go do something else after dinner is over and done. He was just mad because there is a new person in the mix, and she by her simple presence makes things damnable difficult for him. I hope we can come to some balance with this too.

Trial By Fire (Lite)

We'd made plans to all go out for dinner , and then we got the news that Nan's friend Lulu V had died, so we ended up going to the wake before we went out for dinner. It was old school Italian, open casket and the whole nine yards. I don't do that very well, but it wasn't too awful. Mal and Steve and I went together. Steve and I went on to Val Bella, and Mal went back to his house to pick up Karen. We sat in the bar for a little while until everyone else (Mal and Karen, Mike, and U.J.) got there. Dinner was very nice. I had the stuffed zucchini blossom appetizer, and it was wonderful. Everyone else had shellfish appetizers, so I didn't share with anyone. I had a filet, Steve had a rigatoni dish, Mike had fish, Mal had pork tenderloin. I didn't see what U.J. and Karen had because the table was pretty crowded and it was hard to see their side. Karen and I both had chocolate souffle for dessert, and it was divine. All of my boys behaved themselves. Steve even went to Macy's and bought a new outfit -- new sports jacket, nice shirt and tie, and new pants. He looked great! Mike looked like a schlub (had on an old polo shirt, no jacket).
After dinner, Steve drove home, and then I took Alice home and went over to Uncle Mike and Aunt Deb's to meet everyone and be social for a bit. They were all surprised when I walked in the door -- I never get to do that kind of thing! I'm always the one staying home with the kids. But Steve didn't want to come because he had to get up and go to work. It was fun, and I ended up staying until after midnight. U.J. is a little upset about this whole Karen business still.
I'm hoping things will slow down some after New Year's. I'm thinking about asking Mal if he would like to go with me and the kids (and maybe Mike and the kids too) somewhere during February vacation, maybe down to Disney for a couple days or something like that. I think he needs to spend some time with them, more than just an hour here or there. I hope he'll go for that. February is slow for him.
Steve said he would like to go to Louisiana in April, so I need to hunt up tickets for that and make sure Kristen and Danny are still on for the dates. Also talked to Kathy, and I may take a personal day mid-January and go see them in Boston. Jerome will be home for a few weeks then, but she has a business trip to Boston the week of the 14th, so he is coming with her. I thought I might take the kids and go stay one night there and take the kids and Jerome to the aquarium or the children's museum there -- something fun like that. She invited us down in the summer, too, so we talked about me and the kids coming for a week or so -- and me taking off for a couple days to go meet Steve in Vegas if Mom will come down and help Kathy and Jerome. Hopefully that will work out.

January Here We Come

Well, Christmas is over and done with. We survived all four rounds: Christmas Eve morning opening the gifts from my family, Christmas Eve at my father-in-law's, Christmas morning here, and Christmas dinner here. Steve once again wins the prize for toy purchases: a Homer Simpson-themed "Operation" game, otherwise known as "Junior Spanish Inquisition" for the way Homer howls and screams every time Sadie takes a stab at him, and a completely realistically ugly baby chimp doll that responds to sound and make chimp noises and moves (scares Sadie every time).
On the better side, he got Sadie the Dora castle, and Jake got a new backpack full of Pokemon cards and a child-size real guitar. Unfortunately, the instructions for tuning that would only have been less helpful had they been in Chinese, so we have to go to the music store in town sometime today and see if they have a better set of instructions and "how to play" books. Either that or I'll call Marie and see if she can help.
The kids got lots of wonderful goodies from Granny and Papa and the aunts and uncles, too -- lots of toys and games and fun stuff. Kathy apparently went to Target after Halloween and bought up the leftover costumes to send Sadie for dressup, and she found some really cute little suitcases and a giant hatbox to hold them all. There are accessories out the yingyang -- and sparkle shoes to boot! Jake's suitcase was full of art supplies, which he absolutely loved, and he was thrilled to get the Cranium Hullabaloo game from Granny and Papa.
Christmas Eve on North Street was somewhat stressful. Mike and I did the cooking, as Mal didn't make it home from dropping Karen back in NJ until after everyone else had arrived. He was tired and semi-hungover, which didn't help. Steve was cranky and when I went out to the garage to refill my wine glass, he followed me out and barked at me "You better not get drunk." I put the glass down, told him he couldn't talk to me like that, and he could damn well keep the glass. I should have thrown it at him, but I didn't want to make a scene. I went in and sat down in the living room with Sadie and decided to put another coat of nail polish on. He came in, brought me the glass now full of wine, and I told him he was rude and mean and I didn't want it. He didn't apologize to me until after we had opened up all the kids' gifts and I had taken the kids downstairs to see the tea house and the fort I built and painted for them. Those were the hit of the evening -- the kids loved them. I actually forgot to have them open up the dressup closet! That will be a New Year's gift for them. Mike and I decided to exchange the rest of the gifts for the kids after they get back from Boston. Mike gave me a pair of earrings, and Mal gave me a beautiful ring and earring set that he bought in St. Martin. He told me he thought it looked like the islands -- it's a wavy white gold design, with alternating diamonds and multicolor sapphires (pink, yellow and greenish blue). Steve gave me the matching necklace Christmas morning. Christmas morning with the kids was fun, and Mal came over to see the kids. He didn't eat because he wasn't feeling well. I told him he'd feel better if he quit trying to singlehandedly support the Chianti industry. He smiled, and fell asleep on the couch sitting up. Steve made a wonderful dinner later in the day, and I had all my boys at the table except Owen. Mike only stayed with them for about 2 hours in the morning -- he had planned on being there most of the morning, and then things didn't go well and that didn't work out. We talked about doing things differently next year for Christmas ... ie he will wear a decent shirt for Christmas Eve, he wants to have his own Christmas with his kids, Mal will not be allowed to go out carousing the day and night before a holiday and has to be over his hangover, Steve can't be an asshole, etc.
We're going out to Val Bella for dinner on Wed night with Mike, Mal, U.J., BettyAnn and Karen, so that should be nice. I hope. Mal and Karen are going down to Harrah's in Atlantic City for New Year's, so they should have a very nice time. We're doing a grand total of nothing again this year ... doubt we'll even see the ball drop.

Joining the list of things I never want to do again...

We've been trying to correct Sadie's habit of getting up in the middle of the night and demanding to come sleep in our bed. Thus, we've been letting her yowl a bit when she wakes up, and if nobody shows up, she tends to play with the stuffed animals and books in her bed until she falls back to sleep. So far, so good, right? Last week when she had a cold we had the Benadryl out at night so she would breathe better and sleep better. I thought the top was on tight, and it was up out of reach. Think again.

Joining the list of things I never want to do again: taking a hallucinating two-year-old to the ER. My chance at the Mother of the Year Award is completely shot to hell now.

Last night (this morning) she got up and started yowling a little about 4:15 or 4:20. After a few minutes she started talking to herself, and I dozed off again. I woke up at about 4:40 when she started yelling "Sticky! Sticky!" which is definitely NOT normal. I found her sitting in her bed, covered in Benadryl with and empty bottle and the top right next to her. I asked her if she drank any and she said yes -- but with an 8-oz bottle about 2/3 full, there was no way to tell just how much she actually ingested. Steve cleaned her up and I went hunting for the ipecac and charcoal, which were nowhere to be found. We still don't know where the first aid box went. I hunted for about ten minutes and then went up and told Steve I was taking her to the ER. He went to look for the first aid kit while I was throwing on clothes and getting Sadie into warmer pajamas -- he didn't find it either.
The ER was whopping busy (couple car wrecks and a lot of espanol going on), so Sadie and I sat in the triage room for about 45 minutes waiting for a nurse. She started twitching, and got pretty bug-eyed during that time, and after the nurse arrived, took her vitals and put all the relevant info into the computer, Sadie was looking fairly stoned. It was far too late for ipecac or charcoal at that point, since the medication was liquid and was already well in her system. The doc who came to see us put her on a heart monitor and had the nurses put in an iv line and draw some blood. They had to tape her entire right arm to a padded board to protect the iv line. Apparently since we didn't know exactly how much Benadryl she got, there was no way to know if she was going to cross the line into seizure territory -- thus the iv line at the ready in case they had to administer anti-seizure meds. That was delightful, as were the two times they had to take her temperature rectally. After that, the stickies holding the heart monitors to her chest were nothing.
We stayed in the ER for 6 hours, during which time her heart went racing several times and she hallucinated on and off for about 4 hours. She started off waving her hands in front of her face and telling me there were goldfish flying in her face, then later pointing to an empty wall in the room and telling me to go sit on the couch, then telling me a few times that Daddy was at the door (no one was there), and she spent some time having conversations with people who weren't there ( Miss Natacha, her teacher, Alice the babysitter, and Jake, who got yelled at for changing the channel on the TV, except he wasn't there and the DoodleBops were singing happily the whole time -- not even a commercial). She was also twitching a lot, like when you're just falling asleep and your whole body jerks. She definitely wasn't sleepy, so it was really weird to watch her do that. She was too dizzy to sit or stand, so she spent virtually all of that time on my lap. A volunteer brought us a breakfast tray with coffee (I drank) and orange juice (Sadie drank), and some other less than memorable breakfast items that neither of us wanted.
After they cleared her to go home (heart rate back down to 120s consistently, not hallucinating (or at least talking about it) and minimal shaking), we drove home, had lunch and she went down for a 3 1/2 hour nap. Steve came home with a cold, and I took a nap before I went to go pick up Jake. She was fine after her nap and a warm bath, and we are all relieved that this ended well.
I made sure to check caps on all the medicine bottles we have, and made sure they were all put up higher than before.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
9 days to go, so I figure this is enough warning. Can you just fast forward me to January? The kids are so looking forward to your visit, and I keep putting on the sorority smile about the whole shebang. All I want for Christmas is to not have to deal with any of the grownups I am related to by marriage. If you can't send me ahead to January, can you send all of them to somewhere waythehellfargone? Several different somewheres would be ideal. And if you leave me with all the kids, make sure and leave a bonus for our beloved cleaning lady (or send the elves over for the magical mystery cleanup).
I think this is the first Christmas I am really not enjoying at all, and worse, dreading.
Now, for the radio station that is playing a near-constant barrage of Christmas/holiday tunes, I have the beginnings of a variation on Santa Baby. It's a work in progress.

Santa baby,
slip a chainsaw under the tree
For me
To use upon my no-good (insert relative-in-law here)
I've been an awful good girl
So hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby,
a reinforced Humvee to schlep the body out to the dump
that chump
I'll wait up for you dear
So hurry down the chimney tonight!

Come and stuff my stocking tight
With those goggles that can see in the night
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me too
Ba-Doopy-Do

Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A string
nice and strong for a good-size garrotte
Why not?
Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight!
Hurry down the chimney tonight!

Done:

1. Shopping is done
2. Christmas cards are done and mailed
   
3. packages sent
4. teacher gifts gotten
   

Still to Do:

1. wrapping -- nighttime garage activity
   
2. finish painting the playhouse
3. make the cinnamon rolls for the neighbors and us
   
4. make a shopping list for Mal/Mike for Christmas Eve dinner
5. make sure we have vegetables and dessert for Christmas Day
   

Up and Down .. and Back Up Again

After yesterday and today, I decided to go ahead and get the last refill of my double-dose ADs. I really thought that the shit wouldn't hit the fan until much closer to Christmas, at which point I had planned to be much more used to the single dose schedule. Best laid plans, eh? Well, shit. I hope this is a whole lot better by the end of December. I really don't want to have to admit to Jimmy that I've done this and worse, that I might need another month or so of higher dose crap. I keep thinking, though, that not only do I need to make sure that I am sane and apparently normal for my own children, but also for Charlotte and Owen ... everyone else (almost) can take a flying leap. All four kids have been through the wringer these last several months (O and C more than anyone) , and they need as normal a Christmas as we can give them. So if it takes pharmaceutical help for me to achieve that this year, so fucking be it.
Had a TMI conversation with my dear FIL today ... took the giant box pieces that Joanne and I will hopefully transform into a fun playhouse for the kids over to his house, and he helped me tuck them into the garage. I asked if he was going south this afternoon, and he got a shy, sheepish look on his face and said, "well, I was thinking about it..." I told him to have a nice trip, and he said, "that's better than BettyAnn telling me to be careful!" and I said, "I don't want to think about whatever Betty's telling you to be careful about!" His response was "Well, the Lexapro pretty much takes care of that so nobody needs to worry." Then we talked a little about the meds -- how I was going to go back to the double dose for a month and then go back down after the holidays, and he said he had tried going off it last week and he decided that was a bad idea, side effects and all. I just hope that this works out for him. Leaving him today I was so very sad, but it was weird -- it wasn't an I'm sad for him kind of thing, it was more an "I'm sad that things are going to be different and I don't know what all this means". Part of me wants to tell him this, but I don't want to burden him, and I don't want him to think I disapprove -- because I definitely don't. That man put in a lifetime's worth of effort and emotion into the last ten or fifteen years, and he deserves every break and wonderful thing there is in life at this point.
Damn, but I need to get my hair done. I haven't been to the salon since July, and my hair looks like absolute shit on a shingle. There's my selfish moment for the week.

The First Thanksgiving

I have officially survived the first Thanksgiving. It's been a first on several levels -- most importantly, it's the first major holiday since my mother-in-law died in late August. I had this bizarre fear of having to sit in her chair at the end of the table. It was also the first Thanksgiving with Mike there alone. Joanne took the kids to Boston to be with her family, and they will be there a couple days. And finally, it was the first holiday since Mal told us last week that he was seeing a woman whom he had met in Atlantic City. She didn't come up (he had said that that would be too much, and he was right). He had gone down to NJ the night before, and didn't make it back until early afternoon. I called Steve to ask him to bring a few more things over and he actually asked me if his father came back alone -- he was worried about that. I had made the rolls the day before and set them to rise in the fridge overnight, along with cinnamon rolls. Mike and I took care of getting things ready and doing the cooking at the house, while Steve took care of the turkey at our house (fried, of course). Sadie came with me and took a nap there, and Jake came with Steve later. Linda and Steve came with Linda's friend, and U.J. showed up looking like he was headed for the cheap side of Vegas. We had plenty of food, and the kids behaved themselves, so that was good.
Mal is going to St. Maarten to visit Karen, his new lady friend, for 6 days starting on the 3rd or 4th. I told him he wasn't allowed to leave the country until I had the phone number where he would be! He called her to get the number for me, so that was good. He doesn't understand why I was so insistent, and I couldn't talk to him about that yesterday. It's the whole thing with Mom and Dad when he had his heart attack on their trip through Texas, and she didn't call anyone for two days and no one knew where they were until they got transferred to the hospital in Dallas. They scared the crap out of me. I can't deal with people I love traveling and not being able to reach them, or know where they are.
Mike and Mal and I are going Christmas shopping for the kids this next Wed. after work. Maybe if we can get Wayne to come stay with the kids, Steve will come too... he would probably like that. Mike and I talked about Christmas, and we both agreed that whatever happens with the grownups, we need to focus on just making it as normal as possible for the kids ... first Christmas without Mimi, and that was HER holiday. It's going to be rough, especially if we have everyone there, but if they can just behave for 24 hours we'll be fine -- Christmas Eve through Christmas Night. I was hoping Kathy could come up, especially since Jerome will still be away, but she doesn't have any more time off for this year, so that's not going to happen.
Joanne and I talked about making the dressup closet the present for the kids this year. I am going to go check out the Salvation army store in Port Chester and see what kinds of fun dressup clothes they have. I brought home a giant heavy-duty cardboard box from work (we got a big cart for the new laptops) and we are going to paint a playhouse for the kids too. This way we can do some fun things together (for not a lot of cash) and do two big presents to all of the kids.

murphy's lawyer

The Murphy of the title would be my sister-in-law, who is working on getting a lawyer and ridding herself of my husband's brother. She's been to one, and will be seeing another one hopefully this week. He's moved out, and moved in with my father-in-law. The plan (for what it is at the moment) is for them to both have lawyers and have the lawyers help them find an acceptable mediator, so they don't have to litigate everything. They tried one mediator, who wasn't acceptable to either of them, and they are going to try another one as soon as she finds a lawyer she can work with. The problem is that all their funds are tied up in the house -- which they will have to sell in all likelihood. He seems relaxed about all this, while she is upset and tied up in knots most of the time, and the kids are sometimes a mess. She and I took the three older kids to see Flushed Away on Thurs, and when we left the theater Jake and Owen were walking ahead of us. When I got Jake into the car he said "When are you and Daddy going to get separated?" Trying to explain separation and divorce to a five year old is NOT fun. How do you explain that it happens to some people and not others? How do I assure him that we're not going to do that -- that we are staying together? Eeeuuuwww.
Started a little Christmas shopping this weekend and dropped a bag of games for the kids over at Mal's. It was my excuse to come in and get the Christmas stuff organized and put in the spare room closet. I also took the last couple things that I wanted to put on ebay and get rid of (they're listed, hope they sell so I can be done with it). The one thing I thought I would sell and had second thoughts about was the little Coach bag. I put that away in the closet ... it's not really my style, but maybe Sadie will like it someday.
Looks like Mike will be with us for Thanksgiving. Christmas could possibly include everyone, but we'll see how messy things get between now and then. I'm having more trouble with feeling depressed again ... could be because I cut my dose of AD. I'm waiting to see if this evens out.
I took Thursday off as my first comp day (since they couldn't pay me for the time I put in over the summer working on the library). It was a good day in that I got a lot of things done, like take care of several things at the bank, got my glasses fixed (the solder joint in front is going to self-destruct in a couple months, so I went ahead and ordered another pair), went to get my blood drawn to finish off my bloodwork for my physical, and went to Avrick's in Norwalk where they are having a going out of business sale. I got Sadie a beautiful twin bed, two file cabinets for Jake (so he can have the desktop Pop made me), two end tables for the living room, and two hutch pieces, one for Jake's desk and one for on top of Grandma's buffet so I can display some of our china. All that's getting delivered Tuesday. Hopefully Mal will agree to take care of Sadie's bed and maybe Jake's desk pieces for Christmas. If not, that's okay -- I like what I got.
Talked to my favorite dr this weekend. Apparently my bloodwork came back all reasonably normal except for my cholesterol, which is pretty much through the roof at 235. He wants me to work on my diet for a couple months and come back to see how the numbers are, so I'm in for February. I called Mom because I remembered her cholesterol got out of hand at one point, and it turns out hers was over 400, but that was after her hysterectomy. She didn't know if it was high before, but she suspects it was. Her mother's was always very high also. Great. Dad's is also not good (it's better now that he's on meds for it), and Grandmona's was apparently always high also. On first glance it would seem that genetics are against me, but considering that both my grandmothers lived past 90 (Grandmona almost made it to 100), maybe there are other things at play here also. Can't depend on that though, so if the numbers are still bad in February I'm going to tell Jimmy to just go ahead and give me the lipitor or whatever he recommends.

An All-Day Media Affair

Today was the annual CECA conference up in Cromwell. I was generally disappointed -- nothing phenomenal in terms of workshops or presentations, although I did like the keynote speaker (David Warnick?) very much. I mostly went to get the iPod they were giving to attendees. Of course, as usual, it's the newly discontinued model, the 1 gig nano, but I was happy to get it as I didn't have one up until this morning. The last workshop I went to was one on blogging, and I found that very interesting.. So, the beginning and the end of the day were good, and then there was the middle, with starving attendees, not enough food from the hotel staff, and quite possibly the worst coffee I've had since my very first attempt to make coffee by myself without any directions. I've since gotten reasonably decent at it -- these people have a LONG ASS way to go. Unfortunately, there was literally nothing else available until we turned in out lunch ticket stubs for a white paper sack lunch and a bottle of water. Jen and I escaped right after lunch and ran away to Dunkin Donuts for a breather.
Mal and Steve managed the kids just fine today, so there is hope that I will be able to do other things like this every now and again.
Tonight I went to Arcadia Coffee Co/Just Books and met Anita Silvey, who has just published a book called 500 Great Books for Teens. She's got another one that's for younger kids, but this one's right up my alley. She was absolutely delightful, and it was such a treat to be able to discuss the books I really enjoy with a new grownup who sees them in the same light. After we discussed the process she went through for her decisions and criteria for which to include, we talked about her next project, which sounds amazing. She is working on a nonfiction book for the middle grades all about the women who dressed as men and fought in the Civil War. She was telling us about her research, and how she has discovered fascinating stories about so many families. Her initial question upon learning that many hundreds of women fought in the war was "Why did they fight?" and she told us that the question quickly became "Why did they stay?" because so many of them stayed with their units for long periods of time, when they could have easily gone home or at least to somewhat safer territory. She also said that she took trips to battle fields and mapped out where the known women soldiers would have been. Wow...
I can't wait to see what she does with this.
I bought copies of her current book for all 3 middle schools and she autographed them for me, so I'll pass those out on Wed.

Mama Ball Says

Busy as usual. Ran over to CMS today to pick up extra copies of a couple books for our 6th graders to use in research, and hit the jackpot in galleys from Jenny at Just Books. I brought home about 6 or 8 to read, and will send them back over when I'm done.
Looks like some fun stuff in there. I read Knights of the Hill Country by Tim Tharp last night, and I think it will be a hit with our fellas who need good sports books. The voice is pretty authentic -- not what my guys are used to as there is a definite Oklahoma twang to the characters, but I think they will all relate to the issues of friendship, and how far do you go to protect a friend and keep a friend. I know, it's set in OK, so I have a soft spot for that, and the guy who wrote it still lives there (more power to you, honey). But I liked the imagery, and there were several places where the figurative language stopped me and made me re-read just for the pleasure of a well-crafted phrase. I think that's a little unusual in a sports book. Mike Lupica does it well, and I thought John Coy's Crackback was good with that also, but I haven't really seen anything else in that category.
I have lots of reading ahead of me ... I'm actually considering going to see Our Fearless Leader and telling him I want a full day comped to me just so I can sit and read. He owes me a grand total of 48 hours from the summer that he said he could pay me for, and then he couldn't, so he said I could comp out time like that. If he lets me I may do that a couple times this year just to go read and catch up. I definitely have to do that on the Thursdays after Elizabeth has cleaned my house, though -- I can concentrate more and relax if the house is clean. She is an absolute godsend. It makes such a difference in my stress to know that I'm coming home to a house with clean floors and clean bathrooms.
Set up the staff development day today, and hopefully it will go well and everyone will find enough to do. I've got Eeyore and me doing a workshop on new online resources, so that will be good. For once, that's the only one we are doing.
The March Hare has started occasionally finding herself in the Hundred Acre Wood, mostly with Eeyore, and occasionally with Owl (who morphs into Tigger and then back into Owl), and Kanga. Every kid in the school qualifies as her Roo! Christopher Robin shows up also every now and again, but the March Hare has yet to spot a Pooh or a Heffalump (unless Our Fearless Leader counts as the Heffalump ... maybe if Heffalumps have Groucho Marx combovers).

Mama Ball Says

The trip Jake and I took to Washington DC last weekend for the National Book Festival was fantastic! He was wonderful -- walked everywhere with me, did a LOT more than I thought we'd be able to do, and was generally a great traveling companion. He was excited to be able to stay overnight in a hotel (we stayed at the Capitol Hyatt, which has a great rate for Sat night and was only 3 blocks from the mall). He was so happy to have me all to himself, and also to be able to do whatever we wanted - whenever we wanted! We haven't been anywhere without an agenda or anyone else to worry about in ages, and theat was really good for him.
The National Book Festival was amazing. There were plenty of authors for every age group and genre, and lots of free activities and presentations as well. We came home with a boatload of free posters -- the artwork was wonderful. I definitely want to do that again next year. I told Jake we would definitely go down again, hopefully soon so we can take advantage of the great fall weather, and next time we'll work it out so we can stay with Paul and Kelly and go in with Kelly and Cate.
Yesterday we interred L's ashes at the cemetery. The kids were reasonably well-behaved through most of the ceremony with Father Fred, but they lost it at the end and started running around. Mal didn't take that too well. He was trying so hard to hold it together. We went back to the house and had everyone for lunch ... I guess about 25-30 people. J and I went through the costume jewelry and decided just to move it all into the corner of the closet we are making the "dressup" closet for the kids. I guess at some point we will go through the good jewelry with Mal. I don't know that I want to have any of it for myself, but I would like to pick out some pieces for Charlotte and Sadie to have as graduation/wedding gifts, and maybe some for the boys for when they get married (for our future daughter-in-laws). Still have to finish all the thank you notes. I think I have about 10 or 12 left to do.
Work is going well. It's amazing to me how I'm working harder than I ever did last year, but I'm happier. I think it's because I don't have to worry about getting hit from behind with manic behavior or wonder what's going on that I don't know about (and will have to drop everything and jump in to fix at the last minute). There are issues at work, but they are manageable. Eeyore is still not doing much, but she did get a few things done this week to prepare for the eztraxx nonsense we have coming up early next week. She sent the book order -- didn't really look at it, but she sent it. I started weeding the fiction, and told her to look over what I'd pulled -- and told Kanga to give her four days to look it over and then delete anything left on the cart on Friday. That got done, but I'm not sure she actually looked at anything. I've been doing all the website updates too. That doesn't take much time, but it's something we have to discuss as doing double duty on this isn't going to work out easily. The Boss is supposed to come in from downtown sometime soon to divvy responsibilities. That should be interesting.
Haven't had much time to read lately, but I'm working on Meg Rosoff's new one, Just in Case.

Mama Ball Says

So far, so good. At least I think. Went to see our beloved doc, Jimmy B, today for the annual physical. Apparently there is something weird with my EKG, so he wants me to go see a heart doc and get it checked out. The guy he recommended is actually moving offices in the next two weeks, so he said an appointment in the next month or so would be good. Obviously I am not going to drop dead or anything, but I didn't really understand 100% of what he was telling me ... something about my heart is not in the right place and has moved toward the left side of my chest and I have some kind of block? Anyway, Jimmy wants me to have a stress EKG (guess that means I have to get on the treadmill and sweat with all those damn wires attached -- should be more fun than a goddamn barrel of monkeys). On the good side, he gave me prescrips for my seasonal allergy meds and asthma meds, so that will get me through the fall. The plan is to get me onto the lower dose of ADs by Nov, and then off them sometime Jan or Feb, depending on how the holidays and other nonsense go. I told him I really don't have time tto screw around -- I have all my fellas to take care of, and my two kids. He just smiles at me. Jimmy's nurse fussed at me because I forgot to fast and therefore couldn't do the blood work for cholesterol because I had treated myself to breakfast at the deli (egg, cheese and bacon sandwich and coffee). Well, shit a brick, Nancy, I never get to have a decent breakfast anymore, and a half hour in the morning with no kids and off work seemed like the perfect time to do just that. So now I have to go back for the flaming bloodwork -- she's there Friday at 8:30, so I'm aiming for that. We'll see -- it'll probably be like the goddamn mammogram which I keep missing for one reason or another. I think Leslie D.'s going to string me up if I miss another year doing that.
iWeb seems like it will be a piece of cake to teach to the 8th grade, so we'll have to fill up the time with other shit. Of course, that's if we can figure out how to upload to the .mac accounts and m,ove all the kids' folders from hither to yon and back. We'll see. Training today with Gary Webster was awesome as usual -- he gives the best, clearest instruction in using software and hardware, and he has handouts that are equally idiot-proof. Very, very nice. My biggest worry for tomorrow is what the hell do I do with the bloody budget for next year!!! Haven't done that before, and the form I got from Ro yesterday doesn't help much. I really, really don't want to fuck this up. Have to go talk to Ro and Ralph tomorrow about all this hoohah, and I have to talk to Gina about which computers are going to bite the dust next year. I don't know how much help C is going to be. We also have to send in the next book order soon as it has several things we really need on it, and if she doesn't look at the damn thing soon I am just going to send it anyway and to hell with the bitch and moan session that will follow. The next big issue will be weeding the fiction section, as I can tell that's not going to happen unless I get after it... and that will be next week's project. Have to talk to Fran about division of responsibilities .. and what happens if things don't get done. I don't want to do everything myself, and I shouldn't have to.
The other irritating thing I have to do is figure out how to write my annual improvement/staff development plan, or whatever weird acronym they've given it this year. Have to do it online this year, and has to be done relatively soon I think. Another "next week" project. I did get my confirmation that I'm off to CECA on the 23rd, which will be lots of fun. We get ipods for going this year, so that's nice.
Decided to take Jake and trot off to DC this weekend. The National book festival is this weekend, and there are going to be lots of fun things going on down at the mall. Kelly and co. are busy with family reunion, so I'm just going to get a room at the capitol hyatt and not worry about it. It's 3 blocks from the mall, so we'll be good. Hopefully Jake will think it's really fun!

Mama Ball Says

Things are definitely getting better. We are almost done with the web training (only a few stragglers left), everything went well with Eeyore's husband's surgery, and other than having to revise the handouts at least five times, it wasn't horrible... just exhausting. Our next battle is figuring out the curriculum, as we now have WHAT we're supposed to do, but nothing firm on how we're supposed to teach it. Then we have the budget (eeeeuuuuwwww) for next year which has to get done next week. We had our first media staff meeting, and it went pretty well. D is a little out of control sometimes ... haven't figured out how to rein her in yet. Everyone else is doing fine so far.
On the good side, I went over to Kristine's to see the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy with a group of girls from EMS, and we had such fun! I was glad to see they included Joanna, our new ss teacher, who is such fun.
Home is pretty good at the moment. Mal is hanging in there. Steve was in Florida last weekend, and the kids and I ended up staying over at Mal's on Saturday night. He was lonely and didnn't want us to leave and go home ... so we stayed, and he and I stayed up until midnight talking. The nights must be difficult -- nothing to keep you busy. The next family disaster is coming in the next few weeks, I think. Who knows what this will bring.

Mama Ball Says

Things are getting better, albeit slowly. Jake's first few days at kindergarten were hard for him, mostly because he didn't know anyone, and then his teacher had to be out for two days to get her daughter off to college. This week was much better, though, as he started saying he was finally having fun and managed to figure out how to get his lunch eaten quickly enough! He also started going to the YWCA two afternons a week, and he loves it there. They have a wonderful staff, and he loves the activities (chess and gymnastics right now). Two of his favorite buddies from preschool are also there, along with a lovely little girl from his kindergarten class, and that helps a lot.
Work is overwhelming at the moment. We started off with a completely changed curriculum (and no idea exactly what it was as we didn't get the documentation for a week), a crash course in website management using the new system (happened yesterday), and we have to get the entire faculty trained to use it and post homework by the 25th. And we have to actually start updating the website also. Add to this C's husband is having some kind of surgery which will keep him in the hospital for basically all of next week, so she will be out at least 2 days, possibly more, plus I am sure more once he arrives home to recuperate. It looks to me like training the faculty will be 90% on my shoulders, if not completely. I am going to be exhausted. I feel like I should be scheduling my nervous breakdown. It'll be a doozy.

Mama Ball Says

It's been six days since my mother-in-law passed away. This has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life, and there's more to be done. I took today off work, and tomorrow also, just so I can get my sanity restored a little. I haven't been sleeping well at night for the last few weeks anyway, and this morning I went to see my favorite doc for three or four nights' assistance. I think I just need to get myself in the habit of sleeping through the night, or at least give myself a break of a few nights where I really sleep so I can make it through going back to work on Wednesday and Jake's first day of kindergarten.
I realized last Thursday night that, at 37, I have become the de facto matriarch of this family. I've seen the job. I don't think I want it, but I don't think I have much choice in the matter.