Mama Ball Says...

Bubble, Bubble, Boil and Trouble...

2011-08-22T19:50:00.002-05:00

Dear State of CT,

I realize we're in the hole. Actually, a lot in the hole. And yes, we need to get going on getting out of the hole, so we need more cash.

But seriously? Jacking up the taxes in August, but making them retroactive to January? Who the hell can manage the math for that?

Well, yes, probably most high school Algebra II students. Or maybe Calculus. Whatever, one of those math universes can probably handle this with eyes shut and one arm tied behind. But I don't live there now, and didn't do that well there when I was in high school.

Anyway, given the email that came from the Payroll Supervisor in town today, I am not alone in this misery. Apparently neither the genius squad in the Payroll Dept nor their extremely expensive payroll software system can manage the math either.

And now, with two links to the new tax tables and the new withholding form, we are abandoned to figure this shit out ourselves, and let Payroll know what it should be taking out for taxes.
Yes -- those who are responsible for figuring it out and doing the math have thrown up their hands and said "You figure it out and let us know - then if it's wrong it's not our fault."
How many other people's jobs are like this???? You only have to do it when it's NOT HARD?

Regardless, I did spend 15 minutes figuring it out. I think I have it approximately right. And now I think it will be easier to have the extra cash automatically transferred into my savings account every paycheck and then cut the state a check next February when we do our taxes rather than endure the frustration and bullshit from Payroll as asking them to take out more will not happen in a timely fashion, and frankly will only screw things up more.
And that's guaranteed, just like death and taxes.

I'm in with the Cybils for 2010!

2010-10-09T19:38:00.005-05:00

Very excited -- I made the cut and was asked to be part of the Middle Grade/YA Nonfiction First Round Panel! Our group is asked to read all the nominated books (or at least 50 pages of each -- you're allowed to put it down if it's not worthwhile), argue amongst ourselves, and agree on a short list of titles which is then passed on to the Round Two judges, who have about 3-4 weeks to then decide on a winner.
Here's our list -- ones I have and will be reading shortly are in bold. Hopefully the rest will arrive at some point soon...

Alexis: My True Story of Being Seduced By An Online Predator by Alexis Singer
An Unspeakable Crime: The Prosecution and Persecution of Leo Frank by Elaine Marie Alphin
Basher Basics Math by Simon Basher
Basher Basics Punctuation by Simon Basher
Basher Chemistry by Simon Basher
Basher Planet Earth by Simon Basher
Birmingham Sunday by Larry Dane Brimner
Book of Bad Things: A Sinister Guide to History's Dark Side by Count Droffig
Boys Lie: How Not To Get Played by Belisa Vranich
Bullying and Me: Schoolyard Stories by Ouisie Shapiro
Candy Bomber: The Story fo the Berlin Airlift by Michael O. Tunnell
Captivating, Creative and Unusual History of Comic Books by Jennifer M. Besel
Dark Labyrinths by Michael E. Goodman
Driven: A Photobiography of Henry Ford by Don Mitchell
Fatty Legs: A True Story by Christy Jordan Fenton
FDR's Alphabet Soup: New Deal America 1932-1939 by Tonya Bolden
Frederick Douglass by David Adler
Frenemies for Life: Cheetahs and Anatolian Shepherd Dogs by John Becker
Frozen Secrets: Antarctica Revealed by Sally M. Walker
Get Real: What Kind of World Are You Buying? by Mara Rockliff
Girlology's There's Something New About You by Melissa Holmes
Green Careers: You Can Make Money and Save the Planet by Jennifer Power Scott
Hannah: My True Story of Drugs, Cutting and Mental Illness by Hannah Westberg
Here There Be Monsters: The Legendary Kraken and the Giant Squid by H.P. Newquist
Hot X: Algebra Exposed by Danica McKellar
I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali
Janis Joplin: Rise Up Singing by Ann Angel
Journey Into the Deep: Discovering New Ocean Creatures by Rebecca Johnson
Kakapo rescue: Saving the World's Strangest Parrot by Sy Montgomery
Lafayette and the American Revolution by Russell Freedman
Legendary journeys: Trains by Philip Steele
Life as a Knight: Interactive History Adventure by Rachael Hanel
Lives of the Pirates: Swashbucklers, Scoundrels by Kathleen Krull
Lost Worlds by John Howe
Magic Treehouse Research Guide #21 Leprechauns and Irish Folklore by Mary Pope Osbourne
Middle School: The Stuff Nobody Tells You by Haley Moss
Mission Explore by The Geography Collective
Navigators: Dinosaurs by David Burnie
Navigators: Oceans and Seas by Margaret Hynes
Navigators: Rainforest by Andrew Langley
Not Your Typical Book About the Environment by Elin Kelsey
Piece by Piece: Stories about Fitting Into Canada by Teresa Toten
Planet Hunter, Geoff Marcy and the Search for Other Earths by Vicky Oransky Wittenstein
Project Seahorse by Pamela S. Turner
Prowling the Seas: exploring the Hidden World of Ocean Predators by Pamela S Turner
Rae: My True Story of Fear, Anxiety and Social Phobia by Chelsea Swigget
Secrets Girls Keep by Carrie Silver Stock
Sir Charlie: Chaplin the Funniest Man in the World by Sid Fleischman
Skywalkers: Mohawk Ironworkers Build the City by David Weitzman
Sparky: The Life and Art of Charles Schultz by Beverly Gherman
Spies of Mississippi: True Story of the Spy Network the Tried to Destroy the Civil Rights Movement by Rick Bowers
Spilling Ink by Ellen Potter
Starting Here: Doing Hard Things Right Where You Are by Alex Harris
The Bat Scientists by Mary Kay Carson
The Book of How
The Book of Why
The Good, the Bad and The Barbie: A Doll's History and Her Impact on Us by Tanya Lee Stone
The Hive Detectives by Lorelee Burns
The Secret Life of a Snowflake by Kenneth Libbrecht
The Secret of the Yellow Death by Suzanne Jurmain
The War to End All Wars: World War I by Russell Freedman
The World Famous Miles City Bucking Horse Sale by Sneed B. Collard III
Theodore Roosevelt for Kids: His Life and Times by Kerrie Logan Hollihan
They Called Themselves the KKK by Susan Campell Bartoletti
Under a Red Sky: Memoir of a Childhood in Communist Romania by Haya Leah Molnar
Versus: Pirates by Richard Platt
Versus: Warriors by Richard Platt
Voodoo in New Orleans by Stephen Person
Watch This Space: Designing, Defending and Sharing Public Spaces by Hadley Dyer
Zodiac Killer: Terror and Mystery by Brenda Haugen

didn't see that coming...

2010-10-05T19:09:00.002-05:00

Meetings, nonsense, and general busting my ass in the last several weeks... and then I decide today that after getting the monthly report done, I should clean out the extra file drawer in my desk and get it set up to actually hold files. So I start cleaning stuff out and sorting and filing... and I discover amongst the need-to-file items the legal pad from last summer. It's the pad of paper I used to record all of the meds Kathy was on, and when we were supposed to give them to her, and how much she managed to take every day. I took a few minutes to pull myself together at work, and then went to get the kids and get home, have dinner and some apparently normal time with the family before bedtime. And now, kids in bed, I am slamming down the vino and trying very hard to numb myself into not noticing the avalanche of emotional violence that this pad of paper has unleashed. If I drink enough tonight, maybe the nightmares will be quelled temporarily. If not, maybe I will be up early enough to call in sick. I don't know. This brick in my chest is heavy and it hurts. And I don't quite know how to deal with it...

I saw my father-in-law last week. I guilted him into buying winter coats and snow pants for the kids since he bailed on that last year. And the worst part of our conversation was when I said to him " I have to buy Christmas presents for my kids from two dead people this year. I don't ever want to have Christmas or birthdays again, and I know I have to because I have kids. I can't stand what I've lost, but I can't stand thinking that I could inflict that pain on my children. So they are going to get gifts, and I am going to wish I was far away in some isolated cabin on Christmas."

I suck as a parent.

Completely.

Back home, and still embarassing my mother...

2010-08-04T12:45:00.002-05:00

Well, the internet connections were a little squirrelly on our trip, not to mention the kids made a habit of going to bed much later than they usually do, and therefore I didn't get much "alone" time in the evenings as I had thought I would.
Anyway, we're home, it was a good trip, and the kids enjoyed themselves a lot.

Fast forward to today -- when I had decided to try painting the upstairs bathroom as a trial project before tackling the kitchen. So the kids and I jump in the car and head off to Home Depot, where they have those nice little paint sample containers for about $3. We picked some colors, and waited somewhat patiently for the guy at the counter to mix them for us. Just before he finished up, a rather pinch-faced elderly lady walked up to me, asked "Is that your daughter?" (pointing to DQ, and I'm expecting the usual comment about her curly long hair or something like that, as she's been reasonably well-behaved). When I said "Yes", this woman announced loudly, "She should not be wearing THOSE SHOES. (points to DQ's purple Crocs) They'll RUIN her feet. They are terrible, and you didn't even buy her the right size -- they are far too big for her, and IT'S DANGEROUS. And you bought them for your son, too! (now points to The Boy's red Crocs) THEY'LL RUIN his feet too! I read all about them, and DON'T YOU KNOW you should buy them better shoes?" She took a breath, at which point my mental ability to control my mouth lost the tug-o-war with my pissed-offedness, and I looked her straight on and said in the best fuckyou voice I have, "As if those are the only shoes they have! I don't know you, and you don't know me, and this is absolutely none of your business. Do you have children?" She was more than a little shocked, and just nodded, so I finished up with "Then why don't you go harass THEM?" I steered both kids to the other side of the paint counter, where the paint mixing guy was trying hard not to laugh.

And now I get to choose which blue I like better upstairs...

Roadtrip 2010: Day 2

2010-07-18T21:10:00.002-05:00

The Holiday Inn Express in Lewisburg/New Columbia was pretty much what I expected for a Holiday Inn -- a few minor issues, but basically fine for a relatively inexpensive hotel. We had a basic breakfast there, packed up and hit the Dunkin Donuts in Lewisburg since the coffee at the hotel as basically what my dad brews... and I was not interested in earning any bonus points this trip for putting up with that.
We got off a pretty obscure exit, and meandered through picturesque winding hills and farm roads. Very few cars were on the road, and we passed as many Amish horse-drawn buggies as we did cars until we got to Penn's Caves. It wasn't crowded, and we bought tickets for the 11:40 cave tour. When they called us, we walked down a steeply curving path to the steps leading down to the cave. The cool air rising from the cave made us glad we'd put our fleeces on, and the kids trotted right down into the shady area where the boat awaited. It was narrow, not much wider than a large canoe, with a narrow bench on each side for sitting. Flat bottomed, it was actually very stable, even with the odd assortment of people in various sizes in our group. There was a small outboard motor at the opposite end, and I decided we'd be among the last to get in, so we'd be furthest from the motor and whatever smells came out of it... a half hour of huffing gasoline fumes isn't my idea of a fun time.

There were lots of good-size trout in the shallow waters of the cave, mostly gathered near the waiting area, so I guess people must drop stuff in there to feed them. The water was very cold -- near freezing according to our guide, and it was that way year round as we were 100 feet underground. The water came from a natural spring, as well as trickling through the limestone rock above us. Once we motored away from the cave entrance, the only lights were the two giant flashlight/spotlights held by our guide, and it was pitch black otherwise. When we came into one of the main caverns, he flipped a switch to light up the area, and we were amazed at the size of the space and the rock formations around us. I learned that Stalactites have a "C" in them since they grow from the ceiling, and Stalagmites have a "G" in them since they grow up from the ground. In Penn's cave, there is a set of matching stalactite/stalagmite formations that are separated by 6 inches. It will be 3,000 years before they meet and grow into one formation (according to our guide!). We saw the soot left from torches and candles from days when explorers had only those sources of light, and we saw how iron leaching through limestone colors certain formations. It was a really interesting geological experience!
Going back through the gift shop, we picked up goodies for the CT cousins, and bought a bag of what looked like dirt. That was actually an activity -- we took it outside, and the kids panned for treasure in the running sluice outside the gift shop. There were semiprecious gemstone chips of all colors for them to find, so it was fun.

We left there, wandered back to the highway, and got off in Bellafonte to go find some lunch. The sigh on the highway said "Historic Victorian downtown area", so off we went. We ended up finding a Dairy Queen in the corner of a lovely old building, so we had lunch and ice cream there. Pressed tin ceilings at least 14 feet high, fancy old fashioned windows and doors, and a cool restored tile floor really gave the place ambience! We took our ice cream outside, found a shady bench, and looked around as we finished eating. It's a lovely place, and if we hadn't been there on a Sunday, probably more of the stores would have been open. There were some funky little shops that would have been cool to poke around in! We left there around 3, and headed off for the long drive of the day to Ohio.
Most of that went well, at least until the backseat denizens simultaneously announced they had to go -- and not the kind of go you want them to do in a gas station bathroom. We were in a very rural area, and getting off at the next exit led us another 4 miles off course to locate the only open gas station around. We bought some junk food as a silent apology for the fumes in their one unisex bathroom...
And then the junk food mania hit about ten miles down the road, and the drive for the next hour was hell. I don't think anyone will ever have to remind me never to feed them that shit ever again. I'm fairly certain there was green smoke coming out my ears and my fangs and claws left marks in the steering wheel.
Arriving in Wadsworth Ohio, we found a basically brand new Holiday Inn Express right off the highway. Right across the road there is an Applebee's where I had one monster size mango margarita with dinner as my treat for surviving the drive. We are happily tucked into a very nice 3rd floor room with two beds and a couch, plus a nice fridge and microwave. The fridge is good because I've got The Boy trained to fill it with our cooler items and use the freezer section to refreeze the water bottles and cold pack. They have a nice breakfast room downstairs, and we'll check out the pool in the morning while we wait for rush hour to disappear. I think we'll leave around 10 or so and head off on the final leg of this side of the trip. Indiana is beckoning... can't wait for the corn and tomatoes, and the smell of the forest on the farm.

Roadtrip 2010: Day 1

2010-07-17T20:14:00.004-05:00

Packed up the Tahoe with The Boy and the Drama Queen, and left about 10:30 this morning for the first leg of our road trip to Indiana and back. After getting stuck in traffic on the Tappan Zee bridge (four car pileup in the left lane causing the backup, not very pretty), the rest of the ride was really nice. We stopped just shy of the Pennsylvania line to get lunch (yes, I caved and we went to McDonald's). Next time we do this, there is a scenic overlook about 20 minutes past that stop that would be an awesome place for a picnic lunch. 80 West through Pennsylvania was a nice, easy drive, with lots of wildflowers growing on the wide medians. Tons of Queen Anne's Lace... made me think of childhood days on the farm.
Tech notes: Steve gave me his TomTom to use, but up against the free Mapquest app on my iPhone, I wasn't impressed. I unplugged it after lunch and switched to the Monster cable for my phone, so I could use the Mapquest while playing my ipod tunes through the stereo system. No problem there, and I got an afternoon of Motown classics while the kids were watching Princess Bride and Star Wars.
The kids did very, very well thanks to the dvd player and the goodies they packed in their backpacks. We arrived in New Columbia/Lewisburg around 3ish, where our room wasn't quite ready, so we dumped stuff and hit the pool.
Dinner was at the Country Cupboard -- LOTS of seniors, so it reminded me of all those buffet places we went to with the grandparents growing up, but the food was fresh and good, and definitely a step above the fast food options around. I had the cashew chicken salad, and the kids had chicken and fries and cinnamon applesauce, and after dinner letting them hit the ice cream bar for make your own sundaes was only an extra dollar apiece. Great deal and lots of fun making the softserve sundaes!
Drove around Lewisburg a little after dinner and saw Bucknell University. Really pretty campus... but it's basically right next to the penitentiary. Cross that one off the colleges for the kids list.
Back at the hotel for another round of wear-em-out in the pool, then up to the room for looney tunes movie and bedtime.
Tomorrow we're headed to Penn's Caves in the morning, then on to another Holiday Inn Express just over the Ohio border.

Missing My Dingbat

2010-04-09T21:58:00.002-05:00

It's 11 pm on a Friday night, and I should be in bed. Actually, I should be way far gone in bed and passed out sleeping. I have been so tired this week. I put the kids to bed and picked up a book -- Standing Against The Wind by Traci Jones. This book has nothing to do with my situation on the surface, but there was a phrase the author used to describe the main character's sibling that sent me completely over the edge tonight: "She was a force of nature."

I lost it.

In the middle of a book about a kid clawing her way out of the Chicago ghettos, I lose it because all I can think of is my sister Kathy, beloved wonder who made my kids believe they were the center of her world, and whose anger and humor made her a force of nature. Would I have had the same visceral reaction five years ago? Maybe... maybe not. Loss is a powerful change in one's life. Sometimes it's that cliche -- you don't know what you have until it's gone. I am pretty sure I knew what I had in her, but I don't think I realized how big the hole in my life would be without her.

And it's a goddamn big fucking hole.

Countdown: 10 days

2010-02-12T18:51:00.005-05:00

10 days to go.

On the 22nd, I check into the hospital and go under the knife at 1 pm. I love my doctor and I love my surgeon, and I know this is absolutely the right medical decision for me. I will come out of this minus one uterus and one cervix, with stitches holding the middle parts of my guts together, and I will no longer feel like I have a pistol cocked at the back of my skull. Two or so days in the hospital, and then home for 6 weeks of not doing much (and doing absolutely nothing for 2 weeks). Mom was very hesitant about agreeing to come since Kristen's radiation treatments will be finished about the same time, so we are making plans to handle this without her. Still no contact from Kristen. I don't expect anything.

I am absolutely humbled by the number of friends who have offered food, visits, support, and even cleaning help! I think we have at least 3 weeks worth of food coming via delivery and takeout and gift certificates. Lyd has been a godsend (as usual). Talking though things with her always helps.

FIL has signed on for pickup duty as much as we need, and possible sleepovers. The stepmonster was predictably awful for the discussion last night ("my surgery was much worse than yours, you'll be up in no time, I don't know why they told you to take 6 weeks off, you don't need that, you don't need antidepressants, you shouldn't blah blah blah...). For the record, she had her ovaries removed. Similar, I guess, but not the same. What a wretched load of crap from her.

I feel like I have things pretty well organized for the kids, as our neighbor down the street will take them to school for us (she runs the early morning program at school), they go to the Y 3 days a week, and the other two FIL can pick up or I can call on multiple people close by to bring them home. This way Steve can get to work on time and come home, and he will have time to run to the grocery store or the drugstore, run a load of laundry, or whatever.

This will all be okay. I will be fine. I will get through this and I am looking ahead -- months and years with goals in mind.

New Year's Resolutions for 2010

2009-12-31T09:49:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking about this a lot the last few days.

What do I want out of the next year?

Do-able and Achievable:
1. I want to lose ten to fifteen pounds by eating more vegetables, drinking less (note I am not eliminating this -- I'm no sadist), and using the Wii fit every morning.

2. I want to use the new space in the basement to help me organize the house and clean out the clutter. I want everything in this house to have a home that makes sense.

3. I want good test results. And if not, I want to get rid of everything as soon as possible.

More Nebulous And Out Of My Control:
4. I want to get my family communication issues resolved and find some peace with my sister. I don't think we will ever be more than that -- and I have serious doubts that she will participate in anything like this.

I would like the next year to be happier and healthier than 2009. So far it is shaping up to be 2009's twin, however, and we haven't even really gotten started. I would like to have one year where my children don't have to listen to me explain horrendous things to them. I would like a year where the worst things we have to worry about are lunches and schedules and where the missing mittens are. But as Forrest says, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you gonna get.

Merry Christmas...

2009-12-31T09:41:00.002-05:00

The kids got wii games, clothes, books, Barbie stuff out the yingyang for DQ, game-building software for The Boy, and some board games.
Hubby got lots of Home Depot gift cards, and a few little things from me.
I got a basement well on the way to being finished, a heated chafing dish and digital picture frame, and a wonderful framed set of pictures of Kathy and our grandmother, both at age 5, and they look almost identical. Oh, and a giant "fuck you I don't want anything to do with you" from Louisiana.
And the soap opera continues...

I Suck At Everything Right Now

2009-12-19T17:41:00.002-05:00

I am having the most horrible, awful wishes about wanting to just get in the truck and drive somewhere --anywhere-- and avoid all Christmas everything. I don't want to wrap presents or bake or go anywhere or have people over or anything else. Everywhere I look I am reminded of what I've lost this year and what I'm in danger of losing, and I am honestly not handling any of it well. I am feeling completely selfish and whiny and would quite prefer to go curl up in a fetal position under my bed for the next two weeks. Actually what I want is to go up to some cabin somewhere remote and just hide from the world for a while.

Not a possibility.

I hate impossible things.

Dear Santa

2009-12-16T06:27:00.003-05:00

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas this year is some good news from down south.

Love,Karen

PS -- I'll leave out the Coors and sardines for you, like when we were kids

and what now...

2009-05-03T21:08:00.003-05:00

Have just returned from the annual 8th grade whirlwind tour of DC -- no barfing this year, but it was the soap opera to end all soap operas in terms of romance drama with the kids. And that was a relief -- I actually quit chewing my nails during the trip (am of course back to that now). The morning we left, OFL called me off the bus to tell me that "Our Friend" was discussing employee assistance with the union prez in his office, which made me feel better, and worse.

Because I'm a rat.

I can rationalize this whole thing out the ass, but the feeling remains -- I've really ratted someone out to The Man.

The group that intervened over the winter got together recently when we learned that Our Friend had started doing things that endangered her job and we all agreed that the next step had to be taken and the admins had to know, but one by one they chickened out until literally I was left on the phone with the last one when OFL arrived for the official meeting to discuss a problem... and I had to go face him alone. That was the one specific thing I told the group I did not want to have to do alone, and yet they left me to it anyway.

I was so pissed about that.

I had The Discussion and gave him the facts and avoided the names of those who chose not to appear, and I cried and shook because I was so upset we had gotten to this point, and OFL was understanding and matter-of-fact in terms of where we would go next and how he would approach things -- and what would happen if all else failed. He left and made calls and cancelled meetings, and I went and threw up in the ladies' room. Courage means doing the right thing even though you're a shaky weepy want-to-vomit mess and you do it anyway. I guess sometimes you get to be the pissed-off hoowah hand-me-the-fucking-gun John Wayne/Bruce Willis kind of courageous, but I have a feeling more often than not it's the other kind.

And that just sucks. There's plenty of preparation for doing the right thing when it involves absolutes: save the kid from the pedophile, save the old lady from being run over in the crosswalk, save the nun from the armed robber... but when it comes to saving a dear friend from themselves, when they are so fucking good at talking everyone out of doing anything, when you see the road ahead and it's full of empty bottles and broken dreams... well, there's Lifetime movies that always end up with everyone in the right place, and that's about it. And that shit doesn't apply.

I think right now that courage was involved, but I don't know where this is going, or whether I will look back and wish I'd done something different. I just know that I believed very, very strongly that things had gone far past what I was capable of dealing with, and that I really thought what I did was the best course of action at that time.

I hope it was.
I hope it works.
I hope my friend comes back to me, and I hope she forgives me when she finds out I spoke up.

A Toast to My Brother-In-Law

2009-02-21T21:21:00.014-05:00

This is the 6th or 7th draft of this toast. I'm still working on it and tweaking as the inspiration strikes.

A toast to my brother-in-law, on the occasion of his wedding to Lydia.

I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. ~Maya Angelou

Family bonds are grown and cemented over the years through a history of shared experiences: mundane meals, funny cooking disasters, late nights and hangovers, silly photographs, acts of kindness and practical jokes, celebrations of accomplishments, and difficult times... through celebrations and tragedies alike.

I knew of Michael before I met him. Steve talked a little about his brother, the popular water polo player, the Greenwich boy. Mike and I first met when Steve brought me to their grandparents' home for Mike's college graduation party. Steve hadn't bothered to tell me he hadn't ever officially "brought a girl home" to meet the family, so there was more fuss than I expected, and Mike seemed to find all the Italian ladies swarming around and overwhelming me pretty amusing. We got to know each other through the next several years, while Steve and I were dating, engaged and married. Mike slowly became the brother I wasn't born with, but the one I laughed with (and at), depended upon, got mad at, smacked, threw things at, forgave, and most importantly, loved. Mike has grown into one of the most kind-hearted men I know, with a wonderful sense of humor. He is someone who understands how important it is to show those around you how much you love them, and he works at that every day.

Steve and Mike's mother was one of the strongest, most loving, spirited, and opinionated women I have ever known. As with many other relationships, we had our differences and came to terms with them through time. During the summer before she passed away, I made sure to go and hold her hand and talk with her every day as she was able, hoping she would help me understand what I should do for her grandchildren. They were the easy part, though, and she knew that more than I did. When Lucille was very ill, she took my hand one afternoon as she lay propped in her bed, and told me the best thing she ever did was raise two good boys. She said "Take care of my boys. I know you'll take care of Steven. You take care of Michael too -- you're the one who will do it." It took her a long time to tell me that, because she kept losing her breath, but she made sure I heard every word, and she made damn sure I said yes. She knew then what Mike would face without her, and she entrusted him to me. This has been my charge, my sacred promise to her that I have tried so hard to keep. Now, I pass part of that charge on to Lydia... you, whom Lucille would have embraced and enjoyed so much, for your spirit and humor and lovely kindness and fun. I wish you could have met her -- she would have had so much fun with you. I believe she's happy today, because her beloved firstborn son is truly happy.

Going back to Maya Angelou's quote, marriage, much like sisterhood and brotherhood, is a lot of work. Sometimes it's an exotic vacation, sometimes it's a everyday stay-cation, sometimes it's treading water, and sometimes it's literally keeping each other's heads above water every few minutes. While all of that is true, none of it lasts too long before something changes. But it's worth it because all those experiences deepen and strengthen the love that keeps us all going. And family plays a crucial part in keeping marriages together and strong : we love the people who are our family: those who choose to help us, who choose to stand by us, and choose to be part of our lives during times both easy and difficult. Our family has evolved and changed over the last twenty years, with the comings and goings of life's events. It is love, above all that has sustained us and kept us together, and I am now and will always be grateful for the love that Mike has found with Lydia. Take care of my brother, dearest Lydia, and welcome to the family.

It's Thankful Time Again

2008-11-23T14:21:00.003-05:00

We're closing in on Thanksgiving, and we will be taking the kids and escaping to Vermont to go skiing this year. FIL and wife have left for St. Martin for 2 weeks, and Hubby doesn't want to stay home. So he found us a house to rent, and we'll drive up Thursday morning (with a cooler full of stuff for turkey dinner) and come back on Sunday. The kids are looking forward to the trip, and I am too.
Things to be thankful for:

Hubby
The Boy and the Drama Queen
Both of us are employed.
Both kids are healthy and doing well in school.
The extended family has its variety of problems, but so far it looks like they are getting resolved.
Books to read.
Reviews to write.
Classes I enjoy teaching.
Booktalks I enjoy giving.
The Christmas cards are done and only have to be addressed and mailed!
VINO!
Lexapro
warm sweaters
fleece anything
curling up with a kid on each side watching The Wizard of Oz or The Princess Bride (or any Star Wars)

I see so much that is frightening these days, with people losing jobs and homes, and the economy cratering, and it makes me grateful every morning to get up and look at my family and see that they are all right. It's scary to think that things are more precarious than we realize -- that's what makes me appreciate what I have.

It's A New World

2008-11-05T21:38:00.005-05:00

Well, maybe not literally. But politically in America, you can't ignore it. We have stood witness to history, and this is something that my children and I will be able to tell their children, and maybe their children's children: that The Boy and DQ peeked over the voting booth table and watched me vote for the first black President of America. And not because he was black -- because I thought he was the best man for the job and I thought he had the best chance of doing what needs to be done to make this country a better place for my family.
Grandmona isn't just rolling in her grave... her ashes are spinning like a frickin' tornado in there.
God bless the Obama family. And God bless all of the Secret Service agents charged with keeping them safe. I hope they succeed.

I'm Done Being Undecided

2008-11-02T10:25:00.003-05:00

Well, after months and months of wobbling back and forth on the political fence, I've decided. I sat home for 2 days this past week with a nasty sinus infection and flipped back and forth between all of the biased news networks to see what the latest scoop on the end-run of the campaigns was... and it was amazing to me the spin being thrown all over.
I turned it all off on Friday and made a list of all of the things that were truly important to me.
And then I thought about everything I had heard the candidates themselves say about where they stood on the issues and what they would do (or not do) about those things.
My list pretty much revolves around my children and my retired parents.
1. End the war in Iraq. I don't want my son ending up drafted at 18 because this war had to be "won." I think ending the war will start the process of rebuilding this country's international reputation, which has been entirely destroyed.
2. Fix the Social Security/Medicare mess so my parents aren't destitute.
3. Use the energy crisis as a catalyst for moving to alternative fuels, and creating jobs based on those energies (building wind/solar infrastructure and retooling car manufacturing for hybrid/alternative cars).
4. Invest in education, especially science and math.
5. Change the health care system. It's completely broken and needs some kind of massive overhaul -- including malpractice lawsuit laws.
6. The Supremes. Looks to me like we will be in need of anywhere from 1-3 new Supreme Court justices in the next several years. I want decent, rational justices who look at the constitution as their guiding document. I do not want Roe v. Wade overturned because of evangelical religious pressures.

While I don't want my taxes to go up, if it means sacrifice in the short term to fix our long-term problems and make a better life for my kids (and for when I retire), I am willing to face that. I am hoping that things we have now can be rearranged to better address our needs, but looking at the looming deficit and the Social Security/Medicare hole we are going to fall into in 10-15 years, I don't think it's realistic to think we can do it without some overall belt-tightening all around.
And thus, looking at the candidates, I have come to the following conclusions:
1. War... Obama looks most likely to end the war. McCain keeps talking "victory" which smells fishy to me. Palin doesn't help him win me over on this one.
2. Social Security/Medicare... it's a tossup to me. They both recognize the problem and both seem willing to look into serious reforms and changes.
3. Energy/Environment ... Obama has more detailed plans and ideas than McCain. Period.
4. Education... Obama wins this one again with more detailed plans and ideas. McCain just isn't giving enough information, which makes me think he considers this a lesser issue. It's not for me.
5. Health care... Obama has a more comprehensive reform plan, but it sounds like socialized medicine on the surface. McCain wants to give money for buying the insurance, but also wants to tax medical benefits -- so it doesn't sound like he actually wants to make sure people can do this. I'm leaning Obama on this one because I know we need to do something major, and maybe this is what we are going to have to do to make sure everyone has health insurance and can receive competent care.
6. Supremes... McCain loses dramatically here. I don't see him as one who will nominate justices without the Roe v.Wade litmus test. This is an area that will have serious ramifications long after the next president leaves office, and I don't want to have to fly out of the country with my daughter or niece should they get into "that sort" of trouble and want a choice. I think Obama and Biden will be more likely to nominate justices who are more reasoned and constitutionally mindful.

Here's what I don't give a shit about: Palin's clothes and children, Biden's blathering, people Obama has met who have weird ideas or priorities, and McCain's wife's money. None of that makes one bit of difference in my life.

Based on my list of priorities and what I gleaned from the candidates' speeches, debates, and websites, I'm going to be crossing my fingers and voting for Barack Obama and Joe Biden. I think they want to address the concerns I think are important, and I think they will tackle them in a way that benefits the most people.

I hope. And I will vote on Tuesday.

And isn't that about all we can do at this point?

I love my kids...

2008-10-20T20:17:00.005-05:00

Every now and then, I get a jolt that makes me see how good my life is. Much as I bitch and moan about things, I do have a lot of wonderful people and opportunities in my life that make it worth putting up with all of the rest of the mundane bullshit.
Today's jolt: my realization that The Boy is a really, really great kid. What caused this? I got a phone call from a parent of one of the kids who is in his afterschool program. Her daughter's homework planner was MIA, and she asked very politely if I could check to see if The Boy had picked it up mistakenly. I checked, and only found his planner in his backpack. The chilling shrieks and bloodcurdling screams that came over the phone next made me feel extremely sorry for the mother who was putting up with her 7-year-old's atom-splitting tantrum since we didn't have her planner. After the call was over and my hearing had started to return to my right ear, I went into the living room and hugged The Boy and told him I was really glad that he could handle problems and be helpful. When Hubby returned home and I told him about the call and how glad I was that our fella didn't throw tantrums like that, his response was "Well, we don't put up with that crap -- he knows if he did that, he'd get a smack and get sent to his room. So he doesn't do it." Frankly, I think it's more than that... it's more than fear of getting a smack on the butt and having to sit up alone in his room. It's that we make an effort to talk with him about solving problems and coming up with alternatives when he gets into situations like lost homework or whatever. He's used to us talking about feelings and giving words to use, not just when he's feeling out of sorts, but when we are too. He sees the Drama Queen going into her four-year-old rages and how we try to talk her through them, which doesn't work about 90% of the time, and she ends up with the smack on the bottom to get her attention and the trip to her room to calm down, but we do start with the talking and end with it after she's settled down. We're heavy on the old-school parenting, but we also make a concerted effort to listen, to talk through things and to deal with feelings and situations. I think you have to have both methods as options -- just smacking your kids doesn't work, and neither does talking at them when they are so pissed off that they are incapable of listening. It's all about balance, and sometimes that is really hard to find... but isn't that part of being human and wandering through the wilderness of parenting? Anyway, back to the jolt business, even though my kids are not perfect, and I am definitely not mom of the year, I do appreciate all of the joy and wonder my kids bring to this crazy family we have, and I hope those are the parts they remember most when they are grown.

HA!

2008-09-06T07:26:00.000-05:00

Wizards vs. Vampires... it's all settled now.

Best Comment Tonight

2008-09-05T20:19:00.004-05:00

Comment from Violent Acres post:

"When the worst that can happen to you for acting like a bitch/asshole is having to deal with another bitch/asshole, you don’t really have enough incentive to stop being a bitch/asshole.
Odds are you feel you can out-bitch/asshole the other person.
But Bitch can’t beat Crazy. Crazy wins every time."

And the Mama stands up and applauds! I think a lot of crazy shit, and only ballsup and do it occasionally, which explains most of the mouthy nonsense that comes out of me, like the faculty meeting favorite: "All I wanna know is WHO'S GONNA TOAST HER NUTS?" when the personnel director for the school district sent out a memo that teachers who ran the state test prep sessions for 6 weeks after school every day were only entitled to 75% of their pay for that after school time, not time-and-a half like other people who have worked a full day and are putting in overtime. That one's going to show up at my retirement party, definitely. The best part of that one was when the principal covered his crotch with one hand while he was staring at me after I let that one loose.

If I did it more often, they'd commit me.

No, seriously.

Some days that might not be a bad thing.

Thought we were done with this for a while...

2008-09-05T17:44:00.002-05:00

Got a call 2 weeks ago from beloved baby sister. She was in the hospital after exploratory surgery where they found a sizable tumor in her uterus (and through it, and headed for other places). It's fast-growing, ugly, and causing a lot of hemorrhaging. They didn't catch it earlier because no one paid attention to her complaints because of her age -- she's 37. At this point, she's looking at radiation, chemo, and a fullblown hysterectomy. I have a feeling that due to her age they will give her the nastiest, ugliest chemo/rad combo they have in order to cure her. They did that with Lulu, and she went 17 years...
Called Hubby to come home early from work so I could take Mom out and tell her. Selfishly, that was a horrible call to make and an even worse conversation with Mom. It's been 2 weeks of hell getting phone calls that I am desperate to do something about (like go get myself arrested in Texas for reaching down her first radiologist's throat and ripping that whore's lower intestine out through her teeth). On top of that I kept it from FIL and company because I did not want anyone asking Mom any questions before she flew home this past Wed., or have her worry that they would even if I told them they couldn't. Told UM, but he has plenty of sense about that so trusted him, and he came through with flying colors. Told OFL this week and he was supportive. The best thing I did was to set up the teaching schedule with Eeyore so that I did NOT have to teach first marking period -- I teach all the classes 3rd, she's doing them all 1st. So if I have to leave and go to Texas (looks like I will) than the worst I will have to deal with is setting up a schedule of dropoffs and pickups with FIL and Hubby, making up for lunch duties when I return, and making sure UM takes the kids on the weekend for a little while to give Hubby a break while I am gone. I'm not planning to be gone more than 4-5 days grand total once or twice, and I have no idea how I will pay for the plane ticket(s), but I DON'T CARE. Told FIL tonight. He is supportive --anything I need. I doubt that includes my plane ticket, but maybe he will help me get to the airport (esp if it is Kennedy -- maybe he will call Rudy's for me and have them drive me).
Fucking cancer.
I thought we were done with this shit for a while.

Ball Family Reunion

2008-08-03T17:52:00.006-05:00

Today we drove up to Goshen CT to the Ball Family Reunion hosted by Steve's cousin Chris Byrne and FIL's Aunt Mary (as she is the last of Grandpa Ball's generation). The kids had a good time running all over and swimming in the pool, and there was a family tree to add to (we did) and a lot of old family pictures which were cool to see. Aunt Mary let us bring home some of Grandpa Ball and FIL so that we could scan them and get copies printed -- that will be fun! :)
Chris owns Stonehill Kennel in Goshen (lots of land and they have space for 75 dogs now and are adding a barn for about 60 more spaces). He trains dogs for a living as well as providing kennel care for people who need to board their dogs. He did a show and tell with his big German shepherd, Zeebo, and it was amazing. Z is trained in all the basic stuff (heel, fetch, stay etc) but also in defending Chris and his property. One of the trainers was wearing "the sleeve" and Chris yelled out a command and Z went right for the arm to take the guy down. He didn't let go until he heard the release command, which BTW was NOT in English -- sounded sort of like German, but it wasn't. Chris said that Z was born in Czechoslovakia, so the commands could well have been in Slovak. If I could remember any of them, I'd ask our beloved 94-year-old neighbor who speaks Slovak! Anyway, it was very cool how well trained Z was, and Chris said he hadn't worked with him in some time. If we ever do hit the lottery and somehow get a house with a decent amount of property, I want to get a dog from Chris, or a puppy that he later trains when it's old enough.

The Man and His Boat

2008-07-23T20:02:00.010-05:00

Yes, Hubby came home with a boat on Monday night. I truly wasn't expecting it (knew he'd gone "to see a man about a boat"), but when I called him to see where he was and he said "We're hooking it up and I'm bringing it home" the kids were ecstatic. FIL came over and ended up helping him navigate backing the boat and trailer into the driveway (thank God, I would have been disastrous at that). FIL looked really pleased with Hubby and with the boat -- haven't seen that in a long time.

The Boy and I decided to surprise him by cleaning as much of the boat as we could on Tues., and we had a good time doing that. I spent an hour using the shopvac on the interior "cuddy cabin" (read: slightly larger than a crawl space, perfect for the kids or for stowing a folded up dead body). After finishing the vacuum job, it was evident that underneath all of the filth, which included an ancient mouse nest, a lot of pine needles, tree leaves and dirt, we actually had blue carpet. I was also slightly deaf after running the shop vac that long.

The Boy did all of the windows and took to scrubbing dirty spots while he clambered all over the boat.

I took a scrubby sponge and Cascade liquid dishwasher detergent to the seat cushions. Amazing -- I really thought we were going to have to replace the cushions because they were so filthy and looked so stained, but the Cascade took out virtually every bit, including some stains that looked like rust.

Hubby had apparently been planning on spending a day cleaning the boat, but when he got home on Tues he was really happy that wasn't necessary any more -- he took it right down to the shore and got a couple guys to help him put it in the water.

The boat is 21 1/2 feet long with one 175 hp Yamaha motor, which seems to run just fine. He took it out with U.J. yesterday evening from the harbor, and swung around up into the river. We met them at the docks of the new condos, and we all rode back to the harbor. The kids loved it! The town marine permit troll at town hall was very much of the opinion that we wouldn't be able to get any kind of docking space whatsoever, and Hubby hasn't seen the dockmaster yet... hopefully he'll get something manageable. He's got it in a friend's spot at the moment.

shopping in po-cho

2008-06-29T19:50:00.002-05:00

Went to the grocery store about noon after Hubby came home from camping with the fellas. I usually try to go before noon, but didn't happen today.
Today's entertainment was the woman who came in speaking Spanish, dressed in a half-safari outfit (pith helmet, khaki button down shirt and lime green cargo shorts and orange flipflops). She was carrying what looked like five or six Home Depot 2x3x8's over her shoulder and I could not for the life of me figure out why she was carting them up to the service desk at the Stop and Shop. Had milk and frozen stuff in the bags ready to go to the car, so didn't wait to find out what she was planning on constructing in the grocery store. Then leaving the parking lot, I spotted a nice looking family walking down the sidewalk, looked like they were dressed for church, until the ladies parted and the kid in front of them drifted to the rear of the group. He was wearing some kind of oompa-loompa outfit in bright neon orange, and there were wide horizontal stripes going across his ass that made him look about five times wider than I am sure he actually was. I was wondering what kind of problem he caused at home to be punished like this! When I get a download cord for my phone I swear I am going to start recording sightings like this.
Have gotten back into the reading groove, and have finished off several books in the last week. I've started posting reviews online along with a list of planned reads. I have a few more that I found at Diane's and Barnes and Noble that I haven't listed yet, but I'm getting there.
Am going to the Dormouse's for lunch tomorrow, and am planning to take peach shortcakes if I get them baked and ready between dropoffs, cleaning and lunchtime. Part of me wants to check in on the Hundred Acre Wood and part of me really doesn't want to have anything to do with the place.

Summertime is here

2008-06-28T16:17:00.002-05:00

I've now had a full week off from work and only two phone calls from OFL. Not bad. DQ was home all week with me, and we did lots of shopping (got plenty of hair clips etc for wedding hair day, plus some on-sale clothes and shoes for her). We also went to the Bronx zoo and went for a camel ride together there. Got a great pic from the zoo folks! It was really cute. Hubby is off for the night camping with a bunch of guys in boats off Long Island somewhere, so munchkins and I are on our own tonight. Looks like popcorn and movies tonight as we went swimming over at FIL's earlier and they are now pretty tired. Next week will be the beginning of duck-and-chuck here as both kids are going to be in camp and day care, so I will be a relatively free woman for 4 days. Fri is FIL's birthday party, for which I am baking pies and then Sat is wedding day for FIL and GF, who will become step-mother-in-law (SMIL). Can't think of anything better to call her at the moment so am sticking to that until inspiration strikes.
Good news: Elizabeth comes this week to clean, so if I can get the place decluttered Mon and Tues there's a shot my house might actually be presentable to more than just the family this week.
It's hot today, and I have put off turning on the ACs about as long as I'm willing.

HOT HOT HOT!

2008-06-09T20:17:00.003-05:00

It's roasty toasty around the Hundred Acre Wood these days. More than half the building has no AC, and we hit 97 degrees by my truck's thermometer ( a little less than that officially but I think they cook the numbers myself). Tomorrow is supposed to be just as lovely.
I had scheduled an almost complete shutdown starting today, but with the heat we had five classes (100-120 kids plus teachers) per period coming into the media center. Drop the blinds, shut down half the lights, tell the kids to shut up so there's less hot air,and we should be good to go, yes? Normally, that's not a big deal -- just extra bodies and teachers, but we were supposed to be going into full-blown duck and chuck mode in preparation for packing up the joint.
Not so fast, Poindexter.
We got next to nothing done. I freaked out and sent an email to Betty Boop basically saying get me some professional help or I really will need professional help... and her response was that the principal should be calling a half day any time now. Like that fucking helps. I am down almost an entire packing day. OFL was more than a little pissed because I didn't tell him I was going to do that-- I just copied him on my rant and let it fly.
Busy, the custodial Havemeyer Dwarf, showed up for at least the third time for me to tell him I need help with packing and moving and at the very least I NEED BOXES, DAMMIT. I keep expecting him to show up with Happy, Grumpy and Doc. Sleazy, Asshole, Godfather, and Dopey we have already. Found out today that Frankenstein is on vacation until Friday. Who the hell takes a vacation UNTIL Friday? Arrrrgggh.
Had my year-end-meeting with OFL this afternoon after we muddled through the early dismissal at 1:15. Apparently I have now been there several years. Other than that, the only issue I had with him was that the last line read that he was so happy that I was going to supervise the media center renovations all summer and that meant he could focus on the gym. I blew a minor gasket and told him I better get paid for any time I got called in for that bullshit.
I don't think he thinks I'm serious.
I think he will by August.

So many cliches, so many tax dollars wasted...

2008-05-31T14:43:00.003-05:00

This week brought us one of the most ridiculous stories of the year. Front page news in the paper: one of our elementary school principals has been suspended for 1) not allowing a father to personally deliver birthday cupcakes to his daughter's 4th grade classroom and 2) realizing that since a verbal and generally understood policy probably needs a published side also, putting the information about the policy online on the school website after the parent had left.
Cupcakegate.
Meanwhile, Betty Boop the superintendent apparently has nothing better to do than listen to this disgruntled parent whine. And now the principal has a lawyer, the unions are involved, the district lawyers are involved, the papers are selling like hotcakes, and tax dollars are evaporating. I'm wondering what exactly it is that the superintendent would like to distract us all so much from.
Hmmmm.
Let's see. The district had to go to the town and request additional money so that they could finish the several-million-dollars-over-budget new elementary school which is 18 months months behind schedule, and also get money to clean up the mold in the modular classrooms those kids have been housed in for 3 years during construction. Oh, and let's not forget finding money to move all those kids and teachers around the district so they could finish the school year when the modulars had to be closed due to contamination.
This summer there are millions of dollars worth of renovation projects going on across the district. Using what has occurred over the last four weeks at my school as a sample, I can say definitively that there will also be significant cost overruns on those projects. Why? Here's our situation:
The projects approved for our school include removing the carpet in the media center and large meeting room, and replacing it with a combination of carpet and tile. The gym foundation has sunk past the point of no return, so they will be removing the foundation in about 4/5 of the gym (everything except the girls' locker room, where is title IX when we need it?), and replacing the foundation with one which has supports driven to bedrock, replacing the gym floor, remodeling the boys' locker room, and creating a fitness center space where the old "gang showers" used to be. Unforgiveably, they are leaving the girls' locker room, smelly, mildewy and dilapidated as it is -- ALONE. Beyond that, they are painting approximately 1/3 of the building.
Sounds good, right? Sounds like they are tackling some major issues, yes? Yes, but not well planned.
They allotted $30K to replace the carpet. Given the age and condition of the facility, they are required to test for asbestos. They did this not long ago, and the results came back predictably positive. So now we are looking at major asbestos abatement which will cost upwards of $50-60K. That doesn't include the cost of packing and moving everything out of the media center -- all shelves, 18,000 books, equipment, computers, furniture... which we are now faced with. Add to this the fact that we have ancient shelving which is not only ugly as hell, but heavy, bolted together yet falling apart, and only through direct divine intervention will all of it survive being moved out and back in. Shelving is pretty expensive -- just replacing the five wall sections in the reference area will cost at least $4K. The freestanding sections are even more expensive. All in all, we've gone from a basic $30K replacement to over $100K of costs because no one considered advance planning other than "gee the rug hasn't been replaced in over 30 years, guess we better do that because the principal's pushing for it."
That's not even starting with the gym project. They've been drilling holes to try to determine what's under the foundation (and in it) and figure out what the story is with the walls, but the reality is that they are very likely going to find some more expensive surprises once they open that all up. That happened when they built the addition to the school several years ago -- they discovered that the major outside wall supports of the original building which were supposed to be filled with concrete were hollow, rusting, and in danger of collapsing -- so if we wanted to attach the new building to the old we had to fix the original rusting supports so that the buildings wouldn't pull each other down. What's SUPPOSED to be there according to the plans ain't necessarily so. And this is what you get when you go with the low bidder on a job.
All in all, I think Betty Boop downtown has better things to do that deal with Cupcakegate. Either that, or if she really does think that bullshit is important enough for her phenomenally expensive time, then the board needs to tell her "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."
I think quelling the mass exodus of talented people from the district, turning around the despicably toxic atmosphere of mistrust and mismanagement, and being responsible about the major projects being undertaken all far outstrip the needs of somebody who's pissed off about 9 year olds and cupcakes.

The Mama's Lament

2008-05-08T19:13:00.002-05:00

I am still damnably tired. It's Thursday, for heaven's sake, and I am still TIRED! I think I'm getting old. This sucks.
I went to Washington with the 8th grade last week, Tues - Fri. Last year, I loved the trip. We had a busload of fagioles (dipsticks) but we made it work and we had a wonderful time. This year, I was on a bus with different teachers, and that went better than I thought it would. We had the Boss, who organized the whole trip, but relaxed as soon as he got on the bus, my Roomie, who was awesome, and Miss Cruise Director who kept getting on the bus microphone to catch up on all the 8th grade gossip, hookups and breakups. We had a lot of fun the first two days, even with the Midnight Runner who got caught traipsing around the hotel barefoot in her pjs (and we couldn't send her home because her mother is bipolar and her father is a schizoid unmedicated artist). Anyway, Midnight Runner got transferred temporarily to our bus and got summarily velcroed to my right leg for the day, with the Asst Principal's instructions "just make her miserable today." Lovely. You can imagine how long that lasted for me. We spent the day at Arlington and the Capitol and the Archives (lunch at Air and Space which was McDonald's and Rolaids). We got back to the hotel an hour before we had to leave for the dinner cruise, and the kids were berserk. The girls were just in the halls loudly comparing clothes and skipping between rooms. The boys were doing dumbass things upstairs (like ramming skulls into doors). Unfortunately, hotel security got called. Not good. The dinner cruise was fun, got lots of adorable party pics of the kids. Decided the flash on the Nikon needs a boost, though. Thursday was the day the shit literally hit the fan. I got grabbed in the hallway by a couple of girls saying "Mrs. B, O. doesn't feel good." O. had been barfing all night, and hadn't gone out after the first volley or sent anyone out to tell the all-night security guard on our floor. She looked awful. Another one barfed in the hallway outside the breakfast room, and the third one just came down and shook like she'd been in a freezer all night. The AP was hemming and hawing on what to do. Good GRIEF. Put sick kids in front of me, and what's a Mama to do? I stayed at the hotel and took care of sick kids all day. We had barfing, diarrhea, fever, chills, panicky phone calls from faraway mothers, and by 12:30 I was telling the tour management guys in the hotel that I was either going to be making a trip to a hospital or walk-in place. What I didn't know was that they have a contract with a group of ER docs at George Washington University hospital, and they MAKE HOUSE CALLS. Right to the hotel. And they bring all the necessary shit with them. The doc who came was young, single and cute, so Miss Cruise Director and Roomie were wishing later that they had been the ones to stay with the sickies! O. got two bags of IV fluid in her collapsed veins, and everyone got imodium and prescription anti-nausea. The doc said O had gastroenteritis complicated by severe dehydration, and the others were either strictly dehydrated or had mild stomach bugs complicated by the dehydration. They brought me another victim after the play that evening, same shit, different kid. I spent $60 on Gatorade at the hotel gift shop. I had several more with milder symptoms later in the evening, but they were all just somewhat dehydrated and exhausted (and freaked out that they didn't feel well given the rumors flying around the grapevine) more than anything else. I gave them my cell number in case they got worse in the night (and we got some calls). Every time I was on my way back to the room that night the guard would say, what's up, and I'd say "another one just needs her mama to pet her on the head, calm her down and tell her it'll be better if she goes to sleep!" The guard that night told me she had four kids, so she knew just what I was talking about. Just exactly what I do with Sadie when she gets up in the middle of the night with a bad dream or a fall out of bed -- you sit, smooth her hair, talk soft to her and tell her she's just fine, everything's all right, she just needs to close eyes and go on to sleep. Not an entertaining evening by a long shot. Between that and my own personal freakout, I didn't sleep hardly at all that night. That was the result of a grab on the part of one adult who had no idea what reaction that would elicit from me. Don't ever grab my wrist and refuse to let go. I ended up twisting my arm out of his grasp without hollering or causing the scene I both desperately wanted to and also desperately wanted to avoid since I was in a public hotel hallway full of colleagues and students. I needed that emotional baggage resurfacing at that point like I needed a goddamn five-inch hole in my skull. I'm still having issues with control now. I hate finding myself checking for exits when I walk into rooms or discovering that I have once again placed myself where I can see all doors with my back to the wall. I hate feeling like I have to put physical barriers (tables, desks, counters) between me and certain people in the building so they cannot come close to me. I have one friend in the building who knows what this is all about, and I know there is one room where I can go if I absolutely have to, and no questions will be asked as to why I am there or whether it is okay if anyone comes near me. BUT I DON'T WANT TO. I have worked for a lot of years to find happiness in my life, and to feel safe and in control. I hate this irrational terror. I hate having the bottom of my gut drop out when I pull into my usual parking space. I hate finding myself grinding my nails into my left palm -- when I don't realize I've started doing that again. I know damned good and well that nobody in my building would ever hurt me. But I haven't got this back into its cage and locked the door yet. I'm working on it, though. That sumbitch doesn't get to win this war. Can't tell Hubby. He knows the long, ugly version of the past, and we've had a few events in our time together where someone has grabbed me or otherwise set me off. He has a long fuse, but at the end of that fuse are two hefty fists and a lot of bottled-up anger that he doesn't have a problem turning loose on assholes. It won't matter that it was unintentional -- it will only matter that I no longer feel safe and I was grabbed. Period. And I don't want to bail him out of jail.

Hurrah and HOOWAH!

2008-04-27T16:41:00.005-05:00

Lots of rampant rowdy cheering this afternoon!!

John Sullivan's been drafted by the Minnesota Vikings, 6th round pick. Congrats, dear heart -- Mama Ball is waaaaaaaaaaaaay proud of you!!

Draft Day 2 and Getting Ready to Hit the Road

2008-04-27T08:39:00.003-05:00

Draft starts at 10 today, and DQ has a party from 11-12:30, so there is a chance I will miss my fella getting drafted. But then, that's what Tivo is for! Plus, UM agreed to call me on the cell when it happens, so I will know which round to skim through the Tivo for. Dallas picks 29th in the 3rd and first and 27th in the 4th, Steelers pick 25th in the 3rd, 24th in the 4th and 21st in the 5th.

Beyond the day's entertainment, I'm doing mountains of laundry and getting things ready for my absence this week. Looking forward to the 8th grade trip, though it looks like the Best Western they have us staying in is in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood. I had thought it was the hotel across the street from the Hyatt where The Boy and I stayed, but I was wrong -- that was the Holiday Inn. There are 2 Best Westerns, one a few blocks from the Hyatt, and then there's the one where we are staying, on the opposite side of the Mall, about 6-7 blocks from the Capitol. At least we are closer to the monuments and such.

Packing -- I'm taking the larger suitcase this year as the weather looks like it's going to be iffier. That will also allow me enough space to bring the appropriate evening beverages and opener. Aside from that, I have to remember the ethernet cord (free internet access at the hotel) and charger for the laptop, and to repack the camera bag so I can fit the other basics in as well.

Home prep -- have to go to the grocery store and get enough snack/lunch stuff for the kids for the week, and write Hubby some basic instructions on what to pack for each kid each day. Might have to do daily tear-off sheets for him.

Draft Weekend is Here!

2008-04-26T10:10:00.002-05:00

My favorite ex-student likely won't be drafted until tomorrow, possibly round 4 or 5. If I remember correctly, watching the draft on TV is like watching paint dry. Good thing Hubby is cooking and there will be plenty to munch on.

A Day With Wonder Woman

2008-04-02T17:59:00.003-05:00

Today, I went to quite possibly the worst reading workshop I have ever been to. It was billed as a workshop on working with boys and reading, so I was thinking I would get a list of good titles to recommend to my fellas and some strategies for the teachers. The side benefit (which became the reason the day wasn't a total loss) was that I got to spend the day with Wonder Woman, Miss Congeniality and MamaWTF (two other beloved teachers from the vicinity of my favorite Rabbit Hole).

The workshop was a disaster because:
1. the presenters were so concerned about being politically correct that every time they mentioned something about boys, they had to immediately follow it up with a five minute explanation of how this is also applicable to girls and they are athletic and isn't Title IX important. We spent a good bit of time listening to that.
2. We spent time reading a disconnected group of handouts and being told to apply our own reading strategies to them. Uh-huh. I know what works for me. I want to know what works better for boys.
3. We heard about what a group of overprivileged boys at a Greenwich private school told their librarian about reading. That same librarian actually flinched when she came to our table and heard me discussing some of the edgier books I give to my 8th grade boys (Rash, Inexcusable, Twisted). Right. And I thought I taught in Lala Land --- compared to her I teach in the 'hood, baby.
4. We got to see some nice pictures of all the books those boys donated to a school for abused boys from New York foster homes.
5. We sat through a disastrously bad PowerPoint presentation that included all kinds of small text, limited images, and basic design errors that my 6th graders wouldn't commit.

Sigh. At least I had time for a Dunkin run before the workshop and they provided real Cokes as one of the drink options with lunch, which wasn't bad (wraps, salad, drinks and brownies).

I sat there and added to my summer reading book list edits. and had a lot of trouble paying attention because I kept getting annoyed. One of the presenters kept making up her own words. Miss Congeniality was keeping track of every time one of the teachers we know from Another School kissed up to the presenters or sounded like she was in church. MamaWTF was our good Catholic-school doobie, taking copious notes, shushing us when we got too stage-whispery, and whacking me on the back of the head with a folder when the presenter called on me and I wasn't paying attention.

On the up side, Wonder Woman and I got to catch up on all of the interschool gossip and stories, bemoaned our different staffing/administrative issues, wished we were still in the same building (even though she knows I wouldn't go back to Wonderland no matter what just because of the admins there). All four of us went out afterward to Margaritaville (aka TacoLoco in Fairfield), and that was fun. I miss her much grand much.

I got home to find Hubby, Boy and DQ immersed in watching Alvin and the Chipmunks on dvd. If hell has a soundtrack, this thing is ON IT.
DQ laughing hysterically every few minutes is the only thing preventing me from ramming barbeque skewers into both my ears.

Where the hell is my drink?????

The Last Hurrah for The Boy

2008-03-16T20:44:00.005-05:00

Well, not really for him, but definitely in the "let's spend a shitload of money on a bigtime birthday party" department. The Boy turns 7 tomorrow. Because he was born in mid-March and the weather is always a total crapshoot, we have for the last few years scheduled a party for him at SOMEPLACE -- read: some expensive kids' gym or "kid-friendly environment." I left things up to Hubby two years ago and he scheduled a bowling party. This wasn't because anyone we know is into bowling -- it was because the bowling alley would serve beer. At the party. Although this made him the hero of every other father who had to drag his 4 or 5 year old to this party, it made me crazy because that was THAT much more I had to pay attention to.
So this year I saw that "Horton Hears a Who" was opening the weekend of The Boy's birthday. Thought that would be a relatively easy shindig -- get tickets, buy some popcorn and fruit punch and have pizza delivered. The theater made it sound really easy -- they provide the room, rope off the seats, deliver the popcorn and drinks right to the kids in the theater, and the party host handles all games etc for the duration of the party. Except that the party host we were expecting got the flu, and we ended up with some chick who could barely read your ticket and say "Theater 6." Out of the 2 1/2 hours she was supposed to be managing our party, I think she was there for maybe 40 minutes. She kept wandering off, and given that it was a weekend, the theater was pretty busy, so it was hard to spot her once she was more than 30 feet out. The theater manager will be getting a letter about how disappointed I was in how the party was described to us and how little services we actually received -- and I will be expecting a refund of the party host charge. I'm usually one to punt in any given situation, but this was ridiculous even by my standards.
The end-all of this is that next time I will just tell The Boy to pick four friends and I will take them all to see a movie. Hubby and UM can meet us there with DQ and the cousins. And I will take them home after or their parents can pick them up -- and we'll be done with it. It'll be about $300 cheaper.
That being said, the movie itself was phenomenal. I highly recommend it to everyone!! Loved Jim Carrey, Steve Carrell, and Carol Burnett doing the voices, and the animation was incredible. Very, very good stuff!! All of the kids loved it.

NFL Draft 08

2008-01-19T12:03:00.001-05:00

I usually dismiss the whole sports draft process as a couple days of testosterone-fueled nonsense that take over our garage and mean that Hubby will completely ignore me until it's over and analyzed to death. However, this year, I am actually planning to watch the draft with all the fellas because one of my first 6th grade students is going to be drafted (probably not the first couple rounds but maybe rounds 3-5?). He's generally posted as one of the top five centers, or at least he is in all of the sports blogs I've checked lately. UM tells me that the Steelers have a need for a center and might draft him... unfortunately that will mean that I have to turn traitor on Hubby's beloved Cowboys and root for the Steelers. UM has announced that if my draftee actually goes to Pittsburgh, he's buying my first Steelers jersey with my draftee's name and number. Very sweet offer, but it may cause a few garage fights!!

Looking Forward -- Goals for 08

2007-12-28T15:12:00.000-05:00

Here's a top ten list of prioritized goals for 2008:

1. Hug Hubby a lot more.
2. Restructure the end of the debts to minimize number of payments and interest rates.
3. Do all bill paying and budgeting online so I can keep track of exactly where my money is going.
4. File the bills as soon as they are taken care of.
5. Put away money each month toward birthdays and Christmas expenses.
6. Set aside cash each month for fun stuff.
7. Take kids to at least one free event every month at the library/park/whatever.
8. Bring my lunch at least 4x a week to minimize $ spent there.
9. Eat more vegetables.
10. Figure out how to work some exercise time into my week.

Obviously time with Hubby is the most important thing I can add to this year. It's hard with two jobs, two kids, our crazy extended family, and the seemingly 9 billion things we have to do every month, but I want to make sure he feels loved and taken care of. He's been last on the list many times before (especially when the kids were babies), and he deserves a lot more.
You can tell that paying off debts and managing the budget are two big priorities also. I've never been very confident with managing money or doing budgets, but now that I'm using the online bill paying service and watching my accounts online, I can tell a lot more easily what's going on with the bills and the bank. Not that I'm ever going to be any kind of raging genius when it comes to this stuff, but I at least don't feel like I'm a totally incompetent moron.
Seems like we spend most of our weekends cleaning the house and doing laundry rather than getting out and doing fun stuff as a family, so I'd like to do more of that. Not sure how that's going to work with the laundry schedule, but we'll live. Last on the priorities is basically improving my eating and exercise habits as always... I do okay on those for a while but not consistently. The exercise one is my biggest bugaboo. Maybe someday the basement will be finished, the toys and a tv down there, and we can get an elliptical machine. More good ideas -- but Hubby's got to put those Home Depot cards to work buying the materials to finish off the basement first.
The only thing I haven't put on the list is trying to figure out what kind of spiritual time I want to have in my life. I think that's going to end up being some kind of separate list for the coming year. I've been sorely lacking in that department, and I do want the kids to participate in some kind of spiritual activities. I've been extremely offended by the kinds of shenanigans that have been going on in the local Catholic and Episcopal churches here -- am thinking about making a trip to the neighborhood Lutheran church with Miss Emma next door. We'll see.

End of 2007

2007-12-27T22:00:00.001-05:00

It's been an eventful last couple weeks.
The one possible date I had to go over to The Boy's school and do an official lunch duty with his class -- I left my school, crossed the street, slipped on the fucking wet leaves and did a total face plant in the road (chipped a front tooth, bit through lower lip, general mess and mayhem). I walked back into the office where my principal didn't even recognize me for all the bloody mess, spit chunks of my lip into the nurse's sink, and ended up in the dentist's office and the oral surgeon's office (read -- drop a grand and wait for insurance to reimburse). This with the Drama Queen in tow, whose teachers thought she had symptoms of pinkeye (she didn't have it) which necessitated pickup immediately after naptime and just before dentist appointment, because Daddy was in Florida and wasn't due back until midnight, and Pop-pop was in St. Marten with his GF -- which left me with UM as the only other person on all the emergency forms, so had to call him and see if he could take an early train home and pick up the boy at the Y for me since I had no idea how long I would be getting stitched up. Fortunately DQ had an amazing afternoon and was quite happy to sit with a coloring book, a cute receptionist, and a juice box while I was having needles etc jabbed in my face.
The worst part? My teeth hurt so much drinking wasn't really an option, with or without a straw for a couple DAYS and they gave me NOTHING. Tylenol and Advil on alternating 2 hours put a decent dent in it, though. Went back to the oral surgeon at the end of the week, and he said he was impressed at how well it had healed since "it looked like hamburger on Monday." Lovely. I pretty much had no other options -- get the fuck well was it. Welcome to motherhood. If this shit doesn't work in your book, then don't bother getting knocked up.
Next up on the hit parade we have UM's court date, which fortunately went well for him. Apparently the Murphinator's lawyer is about as unorganized as she is, and according to UM the judge was less than impressed with the histrionics and drama being offered up. Once that and the Mouth Trauma were both over we set the date for doing the final Christmas shopping for FIL as he announced he didn't want to do it this year.
That turned out to be the date of FIL's combo colonoscopy/endoscopy which discovered a large and needs-to-be-removed weird mass in his colon. Therefore -- surgery the day after said evening shopping trip in which UM and I rationalized everything but our emotional reactions to FIL being in the hospital for major surgery. Needless to say, surgery went well given the nonsense at the hospital, but reactions by all were less than good. GF didn't call from the hospital for hours, snowstorm/icestorm prevented the rest of us being there, and basically communication broke down and no one handled it well.
Just before Christmas Eve, we have FIL asking GF to marry him with giant diamond ring (I'm guessing at least 6 carats on the center stone, the thing is as big as my fingernail). She of course said yes, but there's no date set as they have a lot to work out in terms of their businesses and such. UM was okay with it. Hubby was not, but at least he was polite. He wouldn't be okay with this if they'd done it five years from now, though... sigh. RainMan he is, and there's nothing going to change that. Christmas Eve other than that was fun with the kids. The Fantastic Four were quite happy with all the gifts and stuff.
Lastly, Hubby's beloved and favorite cat Chester went down for the count two days ago, so FIL took him to the vet. They ended up putting him to sleep that night. Hubby had gone to the animal shelter with his mother 17 years ago and the two of them had picked out two kittens from the same litter -- Chester and Madeline. So it was more than a little sad for him to lose Chester.
Hopefully 2008 will be somewhat more manageable. Guess we'll find out!

Halfway Through My YA Lit Religious Experience

2007-11-19T21:06:00.000-05:00

I went into NYC today to attend the ALAN workshop, "Helping Teens Discover a Sense of Self and Place Through Young Adult Literature." When I walked into the Marriott Times Square and went up to the 5th floor ballroom area to check in, they forked over a good-size cardboard box full of books -- hardcover, paperback, both brand new titles and older titles, and even some pre-pub reviewer copies of the newest books. All told it looks like about $250-300 worth of books! What a great "thanks for coming" gift! There were different book combinations in every box, so you weren't guaranteed to get any particular authors or books, but everyone got enough to get autographs from the authors who were there. (I got a bunch!)

Talk about heaven!

I sat with a couple hundred other English teachers, librarians and media specialists to hear a host of YA authors talk about their books and what they see as important with kids and reading. There were some new authors I wasn't familiar with, like the keynote speaker, Sherman Alexie. He was hilarious and a phenomenal speaker. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to him. His book The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian was awarded the National Book Award for the YA category last night. Chris Crutcher came up next, and had me in tears one minute and cheering like hell the next. All day, we had Brian Selznick, Peter Sis, Christopher Myers, Jacqueline Woodson, Patricia McCormick, Ben Mikaelson, Gloria Whelan, Holly Black, Lauren Myracle, Helen Frost, T.A. Barron, David Lubar (who came to speak even though today is his 30th anniversary -- he has quite the understanding wife!), Pete Hautman, and many other new authors, poets and playwrights. It was an amazing, exhausting day, and I loved it. And tomorrow is equally promising (but will be less exhausting as I will only be hauling in the books for the authors who are speaking tomorrow). Tons of notes, lots of great quotes on reading and writing. The ALAN presenters were also great -- went to a breakout session on encouraging reluctant readers that was a lot of fun.
Time to go crash... it's back on the train and the subway tomorrow. This is one of those things that is fun for a day or two but If I had to make that trip every day I would be miserable. Glad I don't have to!

The Drama Queen and the Shopping Deity

2007-11-16T19:17:00.001-05:00

Drama Queen is still sick today -- worse than yesterday, so I was glad I took the day off to stay home with her. The Boy's class went to the bookfair today, and I had promised him earlier in the week that I would come and meet him there, so as DQ seemed to be perking up a bit, we bundled into Big Bertha and off we went to the bookfair. She was good for about 20 minutes there, and then we came home, where she had a few sips of warm apple cider and promptly passed out on the sofa for a couple hours (definitely not normal at 10:30 am). While she was sleeping, I was twelve feet away, doing over a grand's worth of damage to FIL's Mastercard. Or, should I say, earning him all kinds of gambling bonus points by using his card... Figuring out what went with what to create outfits for the kids was the most pain in the ass part, beyond the fact that they had no pink snowpants to go with Beloved Niece's jacket so had to get her cream ones (jacket is pink and cream colored). Why in the hell does ANYONE make white or off-white snowpants for kids??? Ridiculous, but nothing else came even close to coordinating.

Anyway, the Fantastic Four are taken care of for outwear and clothes and pjs for Christmas, and all but two of the rest are taken care of (didn't hear back about sizes for the twins yet, so that's on hold). All that's left are stocking stuffers and toys for the girls, but UM and I will head off to KidMecca (aka Toys R Us) one weeknight sometime soon and get that squared away.

Christmas Is Coming, The Mama's Getting Fat

2007-11-15T21:33:00.000-05:00

Well, maybe not technically fat yet, but I'm getting the "let's hibernate for the winter" vibe from my innards. Thank God for sweaters.
The annual physical is coming up the week after Thanksgiving. Have to remember to schedule that business for July next time -- having a cholesterol test five days after Thanksgiving is probably one of my stupider moves. Jimmy's going to harass me about going on Lipitor for sure now. That'll be a fun conversation.
Started the Christmas shopping with a pajama binge for the Fantastic Four. UM says he has the "boy" gifts taken care of but needs help with the "girl" gifts. FIL announced he does not want to shop at all this year and has dumped it in our laps, along with his MasterCard. I am officially in charge of all clothing gifts, stocking stuffers, and gifts for the grandkids of the four closest friends and relations (there are 14 in that category). Thats quite the arsenal of online orders -- Lands End is going to make a small fortune off this project.
We haven't discussed grownup gifts yet this year -- not sure how that's going to go.
Drama Queen is battling a cold and stayed home with Daddy today, but she was better tonight. Hopefully she will be okay in the morning and I can go to work... left sub plans just in case, though.

2007-11-02T20:52:00.000-05:00

Last day of the first marking period, so far I have one set of psychotic parents and one student who didn't fall far from the tree, a mild sinus infection, a half-day of staff development that I seem to be fully responsible for (for the building) coming up on Tuesday, and Hubby doesn't seem to think he needs to take the day off then (when we have no child care for both children and it's been on the calendar for three months).
I would very much like to go drive off a cliff right now.
No, really.

Okay, maybe that's just another pipe dream to make me feel momentarily better, but I'M STILL HAVING IT, GODDAMMMIT.

Oh, and add that my FIL's girlfriend had surgery yesterday, he called to tell us she was doing okay, and then last night he went to the hospital with chest pains. WTF. According to the ER doc in Jersey, he has indigestion. I talked to him today and told him he WOULD be going to the cardiologist when he got home. He argued with me about that (actually made me feel better -- if he had agreed to it immediately I would have driven down there tonight), but one way or the other he will get in and get that done and go see his GP also.

I hate being the uber-mama in this family some days. Today qualifies.

Rabbit Hill #1

2007-10-26T22:09:00.001-05:00

Went to the Rabbit Hill Literature Festival Author Dinner tonight at the Red Barn restaurant. The travel was nasty -- dark, rainy, horrendous traffic (took me an hour and ten minutes to get there instead of a half hour). However, upon arrival, I sat down with the Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts, and had a lovely bit of conversation before Eeyore showed up. Our table was graced for the evening by none other than Neal Shusterman, author of my fave twisted fairy tales/myth series (Red Rider's Hood, Dreadlocks), The Schwa, and Everlost. He lives in southern California, so we discussed the fires there (his house is fine, the ones I lived in in Poway and Escondido are gone), families, life of an author, his newest book that is just out. I think we are going to try to get him to come for a visit late this year -- there is someone from NY (around Rye) working on doing that, so if we can dovetail into that we're golden. We might be able to split him for a day with Central, and get Just Books in on it also.
His new book, Unwind, sounds incredible. I can't wait to read it! A second civil war has happened (over the issue of abortion among things). The civilization that has survived has decreed that there are to be no abortions -- life at conception IS. However, between the ages of 13-17, children can legally be terminated by their parents. What a dilemma -- the Drama Queen is three and frankly I am dreading 13 like it's going to be the start of an incarceration for me. I can see why this would be a question an author would want to write about!
Neal said that he wanted to address the issue of abortion, but do it in a way that had not been done before, and do it in a way that would present both sides with an opportunity to discuss. What a thought -- delve into a violently divisive issue and give both sides a piece to argue for and against using fiction as the vehicle. His intended audience is high school, so I will be interested to read it. He said he expects it to be on the Banned Books list!
I didn't get around to the other tables to schmooze with the other authors, but hopefully I will see a couple tomorrow. Met the director of the Westport public library, and an editor for Simon and Schuster also -- will revise post tomorrow later with their names which are on a card with the book on CD that we got as a dinner gift tonight (Gail Carson Levine). :)
Lovely, lovely time. I should have gotten my favorite princess and Wonder Woman to come... maybe next year!

13th Tale Update

2007-10-11T19:44:00.000-05:00

Second note to WW and my favorite Princess: You should have threatened me with shovels, shotguns, whatever you could get your hands on to make me read this!! Thirteenth Tale is amazing, I loveitloveitloveit -- and of course wish I'd started it sooner. Damn real life -- it gets in the way of so many good books.
I have two booktalks tomorrow so don't know if I will finish tonight, if not then definitely this weekend. I'll post when I'm done. :)

Note to Wonder Woman

2007-10-09T18:40:00.000-05:00

WW,
I have FINALLY brought home Thirteenth Tale. If my children don't absolutely drag me under tonight, I will start reading. Unfortunately the Dallas/Buffalo game kept me up late last night (yes, occasionally I do put myself through the football paces), so looks like passout time will come earlier than usual. Promise I'll get moving on it, though!
The Hundred Acre Wood was relatively calm today. Scheduled a bunch of booktalks through the rest of the month, and got my paperwork done for the two big conferences this month and next. I'm headed to Hartford for the annual CECA tech/education conference late this month, and then off to NYC next month for a two day authors and reading workshop in conjunction with the NCTE annual conference. FL told me today that I am getting expensive -- told him I am worth every nickel and he knows it! Turned in my annual TEP plan for him to approve today. Changed my description titles (the what are you going to do parts) from last year's very simple "Weed, Feed and Learn" to this year's "Duck and Chuck, Spend the Money Honey, and On to the Fun Stuff". That's basically to see if 1. anyone actually reads this, and 2. if they do, did they notice? We'll see. Not a big deal if I get told to change it -- I don't care. I just get so bloody bored with doing things the straitlaced way.

and a good time was had by all...

2007-09-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

What a weekend! The Boy and I had a wonderful time hitting the road together. The drive down on Friday was great (perfect timing in terms of traffic, except we did miss a turn in Baltimore and ended up driving around backtracking for a half hour), the weather was fantastic, and he was a trooper about walking everywhere. Friday afternoon we went to the Natural History museum (dinosaurs and meteorites were on the agenda) and we walked around the mall and the Capitol grounds a little. The brick grotto with the fountain was open and renovated this year, and he thought that was cool. Dinner was at the hotel (overpriced but convenient), and he passed out very quickly afterwards. We're definitely staying elsewhere next year -- they put us in a room facing NJ Ave and there's a fire station directly across the street. Nice for safety, but I was up every hour or so with the fire trucks wailing away. The Boy, of course, sleeps like a rock, so he didn't notice. Time to find a less expensive option sitting on or very near a Metro station!!
Saturday we got up early, had the included breakfast buffet (which was a deal given the amount The Boy ate), and then we went to the Washington Monument. Claustrophobia in check for a few hours, we did the 9:30 tour, and he enjoyed it very much. I was definitely glad to be out of there, though. We found the 15th St public restrooms where the fire alarm was going off for no particular reason and the park service employees were having their coffee in a golf cart nearby. Apparently fire alarms are not enough reason to reschedule a coffee break.
The book festival got going at 10 am, so we were there just after it started. We stopped in and bought books early (not a big line yet), then made our way to the PBS Kids tent, Magic School Bus, Target tent and the information tent. Good thing we hit the giveaways early -- they were running out of a lot of things by noon as the place was mobbed with people later! We got posters and bags, polaroids of The Boy with various cartoon characters (costumed folks), a Magic School Bus book from the Scholastic people, two stuffed parrots from the PBS people, and various coloring books and activity books from other companies. The Target people were giving away what they called reading mats, but were really nice, thick, heavy vinyl-coated bags. One side of the bag has a checkerboard layout, and inside the inner zip pocket of the bag is a set of red and white plastic checkers! We had a good couple games under the trees just across from the children's authors' presentation tent while we listened to David Wiesner, Rosemary Wells, and Judy Schachner talk about their books. I was a little disappointed this year that the lines were so long to get books signed -- I gave up even considering trying since most of the authors were scheduled for only one-hour stints at the book signing stations. The Boy is patient, but he is not that patient. We wandered around the pavilions listening to various authors, though, and that was fun. Most of the pavilions were wall-to-wall people, some standing 8-10 deep around the edge of the chairs. We got to hear part of Terry Pratchett's presentation, and some of Holly Black's, Patricia MacLachlan's, and a few others. It was hard to get to hear complete presentations, not only because of the crowds and distance between pavilions, but because of the schedule! We tried getting from one pavilion to another quickly to hear one author or another, but invariably we missed chunks of the presentations. The LOC was recording all of the sessions, though, so hopefully they will finish the video podcasts soon and we can see what we missed, and I can recommend appropriate ones to teachers.
Met dear family friend BabyBeckie (who is now working in DC), and she wandered the festival with us all afternoon. We went back to the hotel to drop off the stuff (camera, book fest bags o'freebies, and what then felt like 85 pounds of books), and we went to Union Station. We had dinner at one of the nice restaurants there (not NEARLY as expensive as the hotel option!), and we caught the 7pm Old Town Trolley evening monuments tour. The Boy had been very excited about staying up late and seeing the monuments lit up at night, but after walking all day and dinner with ice cream, he passed out on the trolley around 8:45! He missed the FDR memorial, woke up to walk over to the Korean War memorial with me, then I piggybacked him over to the Lincoln Memorial so he could see the Capitol, Washington Monument and WWII all lit up. He liked that a lot, but he was so tired he passed right out again as soon as we got back on, so he missed Iwo Jima. Our driver/tour guide was "Mr. Map" and I highly recommend him as a guide. He was extremely knowledgeable, cracked decent jokes, and asked all of us about ourselves (and remembered it all later when he would point things out and refer to us). BabyBeckie had never seen the monuments at night either, and some of them she hadn't seen at all yet, so we both had a good time on the tour (even with the Boy passed out across my lap).
I think that next year we will 1. stay at a different hotel and avail ourselves of the Metro, 2. get a couple books for different authors who will be there ahead of time and make lists of questions on stickies for the books, and 3. just try to see those few authors' presentations and not worry about going near the signing tents. We're definitely arriving early again next year, though, as that seemed to be key for the fun stuff and freebies. The food choices were limited at best. We had ice cream more than once! I don't know if I can talk Hubby into coming with us next year (so DQ can come too), or if this is going to be a Mom-and-Boy activity for another year. We'll see. I'll be interested in attendance estimates for the festival -- it was definitely more crowded than last year.

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2007-09-26T20:28:00.000-05:00

Yes, Eeyore did the "why wasn't I invited" shit. Am going to tell FL to either invite her officially or tell her no because she is not the goddamn department head with the requisite ass on the line.
Pretty much guarantees her coming to the meeting -- not completely a bad thing, but she gets lost easily and doesn't get the jokes. So I'm annoyed afterward, and given that it's a 9:30 meeting, I can't ameliorate that easily. Maybe I'll see about scheduling my cholesterol test the same day. If I'm going to be underfed, undercaffeinated and pissed, I might as well get to take it out there.
Of course, the sensible thing would be to gently note to FL that avoidance of the issue is as easy as a reschedule to a time during her class. That would get him off the hook nonconfrontationally.
I do notice that he tends to like to notice that shit on his own, however.
So it looks like I'm screwed.
Where's Jimmy's number for the cholesterol screening appt??????

Hundred Acre Wood Update

2007-09-25T21:09:00.000-05:00

I miss Wonderland. Not the place necessarily, but my favorite characters, most of whom I went out to dinner with tonight. I had more fun .. need to do that more to ameliorate everything else in my life. Went to the Mirage Cafe in Port Chester, and it was absolutely delightful! The chocolate mousse and the bread pudding were SINFULLY good ... I should have just gotten one or both of those. I had a fish special that was out of this world, though. Next stop will be Coyote Flaco with the DR2B, the Dormouse and the Princess-- should ask them if we can invite Wonder Woman; miss her too. Have to attempt to get them for a Wednesday night since I don't have to teach on Thurs. so therefore a trip to margaritaville wouldn't be so bad. Either that or aim for a weekend -- Hubby has been out with the fellas so it would be a bit of equalization. Like the song says, "Girlfriends kick ass!"
The Hundred Acre Wood is coming along reasonably well given the structural roadblocks that have been thrown in our way by the district (ie budget cuts that mean we have ancient carpet for another year or more, and everything else will have to be held together with bubble gum and baling wire). The kids enjoy coming after school, and I think it's nice to have them chirping away doing homework and talking over things together for a while after school. Kanga gets a kick out of them too -- Eeyore gets a little more bent if the noise goes up and she doesn't think they are doing homework, but they don't seem to mind much when she goes off.
Fearless Leader Round 1: asked me yesterday to present to the two 6th grade parent coffees today. Not a big deal, but it sent Eeyore around the bend last night because she couldn't remember if she had to set anything up for first thing in the morning (no, I set it all up, but it took over 10 minutes to get her off the phone last night when I was trying to get the kids to bed).
FL Round 2: told me he was putting me on ShIT committee (School Improvement Team). Last time I got stuck with that I discovered that it was basically a forum for hyperinvolved parents to bitch and moan. Has it changed? Who knows -- guess I will find out. He OWES me. Like he doesn't already!
FL Round 3 will be the budget meeting next week where we ballpark what we need for next year. That should be fun given we've got a lowball amount for book $ recommendation from the district and I'll have to hit one out of the park to get more on that. I'm sure Eeyore will go ballistic and do the "why wasn't I invited to this?" crap again.
The Boy is very,very,very excited about going to Washington with me this weekend. The Dormouse is getting me the camera so we can take decent pictures from a distance of authors etc at the Book Festival, and we have a couple picked out to go listen to/see etc. We'll see what we accomplish! Actually, I think he is just excited to have room service in his near future. :)

It's that time of year again...

2007-09-23T20:11:00.000-05:00

Yes, that would be "obnoxious fundraisers for all the schools the kids are in" time. The preschool sells overpriced candles that you cannot order online, and therefore have to keep track of the order form and the booklet and the checks... needless to say, I lost all of the paperwork twice before I got over to FIL's to tell him to buy some strong candles to cover up the catpee stench in his back stairwell where the elderly kitties occasionally lose control before making it to the basement. He blew $200 on candles and tchotchkes, mostly because his GF went shopping through the catalog and couldn't decide which scent he'd like best -- so she bought a bunch. Whatever floats her boat. Not like he's not going to eat this week because of that! Then there's the wrapping paper/tchotchke sale going on at The Boy's elementary school (same one the other grandkids have going on, and FIL blew $80 on wrapping paper for them). So we ordered some and UJ ordered some. That you can do online thankfully, so the mild guilt trip emails have been sent to Granny, Mame, etc. They'll help. Fortunately the magazine drive is over where I work, but I always order our magazines that way. They gave us the faculty discount, but it only applied to certain magazines, so some I ordered at full price (National Geographic). Anyway, I hate these sales because you get pressured at every turn to sell stuff to other people you may or may not like (both the stuff and the people), and I've always been annoyed by that. I'd really like a PTA option: if you don't want to participate in the sellfest, then give us $40 (or whatever the average order take for the school would be). I'll write you another fucking check just to not have to deal with all of the paperwork and guilt trips!
The Boy is doing quite well with reading, and still adores his new teacher. We went to Open House this past week, and she was quite excited and energetic. She announced to the parents that she will be running her first NY Marathon in Nov, so that was neat. Another reason for a marathon party! She has the kids running their own "Morning Meeting" every day, everyone has a job to do, and they all have bought into her behavior management/positive reinforcement plan (they each have a monkey and their monkeys have a couple bananas -- if you do something wrong, your monkey loses a banana and you have to earn it back). She calls it "No Monkeying Around!" Very cute, but effective so far. The Boy is writing all the time now (he has very interesting spelling, but he has a much better grasp of phonics than some of the kids in his class by the looks of his spelling) and he is whizzing along through the math for grade 1. He got extra worksheets this past week for "enrichment" homework and I'm not sure if that's a sign that he is getting bored (he could do them all easily). Have to talk to her about that.
Drama Queen has been phenomenally dramatic lately -- and stubborn and pissy and whiny and look-right-at-you-and-do-what-you-just-said-no-to kind of rotten child. Must be a phase. I'm thinking of locking her in the basement until this one passes (mornings have been really difficult), but that's one of those lovely mother fantasies. I know I will have to bear the brunt of this until she's gotten through it. I have a feeling that part of this is that all of her friends except one are in the downstairs class, and she misses them. She sees them on the playground, but I think that's about it. Doesn't matter if I gripe about it or express concern or handle it any other way -- they won't switch her simply because they have no room in any class, so I'm thinking that's pretty pointless.
The Hundred Acre Wood will have to wait a while -- it's been up and down lately and I'm too tired to go on about that one just now.

Holy Crap, Batgirl -- You're Published!

2007-09-07T20:33:00.001-05:00

We've been having quite the stink here as our school board wants to institute a merit pay system. We are currently in binding arbitration between the teachers' union and the town, and the entire state will be watching as no one else has merit pay in the state. Thus, the decision here will either slam the door shut on this for a while or it will fling it wide.
After going to the school board meeting last week, and hearing everyone else speak on the subject, I read our local state representative's (spoon-fed, rah-rah, this-is-great from the board) opinion supporting merit pay in the local weekly paper, the Greenwich Citizen. I got pissed and wrote the following:

Dear Mr. Harrison, (editor of the Citizen)

I would like to respond to Dolly Powers' article supporting merit pay in Greenwich.

I am a Greenwich homeowner, taxpayer, voter, parent of a first grader and a 3-year-old, and also a teacher. I am starting my thirteenth year working for Greenwich Public Schools (nine non-consecutive years at EMS, four at CMS). Having looked at the board's evaluation plan design and merit pay ideas, I think they are fundamentally flawed.
Let me tell you about my first year teaching. I was hired by Ben Davenport to teach sixth grade language arts and social studies at Eastern Middle School. I walked in with all of the materials I had collected and created in my college classes, hoping that there would be enough there to at least get me started in my new classroom. That concern evaporated almost immediately, as I was taken into the collective fold of the sixth grade team and the EMS faculty as a whole. Joanne Zammit, Jeanne Fachner, Jini Martens, Stacey Goodnow, and many others handed me lessons, resources, and even whole unit folders, saying, "What do you need? Let's see what you can use!" Their doors were always open for any question, whether it was classroom management ideas, curriculum, staff development, paperwork, scheduling, or the myriad other issues that arise daily at school. I have always felt indebted to them for all of the assistance they freely gave me that first year... and for the fact that they have never stopped being willing to help me or any other teacher. I found that environment as well when I moved to Central Middle School in 2002 to become a media specialist, particularly with Judy Peterson, Justine Domuracki, Kevin Krois, and Jo Frame. Even as a seasoned teacher, moving into a new curriculum meant that I needed support from my colleagues and an open, collaborative environment in order to give my students the best experience possible. I have made a conscious effort to be a teacher who is willing to offer to help other teachers as much as I possibly can, because of those formative experiences in my teaching career.
My students through the years did not learn and succeed at school because of me alone. They succeeded because of the efforts of the entire team of teachers that they had at school. That's not just the academic teachers, but also the art teachers who asked them to think critically and creatively, the music and gym teachers who constantly encouraged them, the media specialists who gave them interesting books and taught them computer skills, the Consumer Science (Home Economics) teachers who had them use math and reading skills for directions, recipes and other activities, and all of the other staff who provided them with a well-rounded middle school experience. We have always worked together for the students' benefit.
This is what concerns me about merit pay. I have seen the evaluation plan the board is pushing, and it comes across as a selfish, overly complicated and divisive device. There is no place in the evaluation for noting effective collaboration and cooperation -- it is all about financial incentives for singular personal achievement measured by administrator evaluations and student test scores. The days of new teachers being welcomed and helped the way I was are desperately numbered with this plan. Placing financial incentives in front of teachers for their best lesson plans and ideas means that those lessons and ideas won't be shared with other teachers. That hurts two groups most: our new teachers who need support and nurturing to develop real-world skills and an arsenal of options for all situations in the classroom, and most importantly, this hurts the students of the Greenwich Public Schools. My first-grader has a new teacher at Riverside. I want her to have the support of the Riverside faculty and the other teachers in the district so that she can find the best ways to nurture and challenge him and his classmates. I want all of his future teachers to have that as well -- because I want the absolute best for him. Without collaboration and a system that encourages sharing, this kind of support will wither away as teachers discover that in order to succeed financially they must deny their colleagues access to their ideas and materials. It amazes me that the board thinks that developing this sort of cutthroat atmosphere in our schools is way to attract and retain teachers, and help student scores go up.
Although Dolly Powers wrote about how merit pay has been successful elsewhere, I wonder how that success has been measured in her eyes. Did she also find and read about the districts where merit pay failed (and there are a multitude of those) or did she just take the positive spin from Bill Kelly and the board? I found the most interesting fact in her article to be the amount the federal government has given out to states where there are districts with merit pay ($80 million). I've been wondering what the board's underlying agenda was, and I can't help but think getting a piece of the federal pie would be quite the incentive to them. I've noticed that there are an awful lot more highly paid (non-curriculum-related) administrators down at the Havemeyer building now than there were ten years ago, and yet Dr. Sternberg and the board were lambasted at the most recent board meeting about their refusal to hire more teachers for overcrowded elementary classrooms, where our children need them most.
What do I want? As a taxpayer, I want the board to be judicious and careful stewards of the resources allocated to them by the town. As a teacher, I want to be constructively criticized, fairly evaluated and equitably paid for the work I do at my school with my students, and the work I do for the district. At this point, that's already happening, so I don't see a problem keeping the current system. I want my colleagues to believe that it is in everyone's best interest (students and faculty alike) to share ideas, materials and resources, and I want them to feel encouraged to share, cooperate as teams, and collaborate to create the best learning experiences possible for our students. Our opening day speaker, Ken Kay, made it very clear that those are exactly the skills that our students must have in order to succeed in the 21st century. How will we teach those if we cannot actually set the examples and demonstrate how to do that successfully ourselves? The board is setting teachers up to fail, and that makes me angry as a parent. When the board acts in that manner, they ultimately hurt the students whose interests the board should be acting to protect. And that includes my kids -- my biological ones and the ones who show up in my classroom and the EMS media center every day.

He wrote back and let me know that he was going to publish it in today's paper. I was shocked to see that he didn't cut anything -- he published it as it was written and gave me **half a page** in the paper. And thus I am a published person. Not a novel or anything lengthy, but yet a piece I feel strongly about and one that I hope will cause people to think about how this issue will affect our schools. There are a few people on the board that I really really hope I pissed off by speaking my mind, but my real aim was to simply speak -- exercise my First Amendment rights to my opinion, and in doing so present another side of the issue.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to hell we go...

2007-08-26T20:31:00.000-05:00

Well, not literally, but tonight IS the last night of the summer, and it's back to work and time to go into Cuisinart mode tomorrow. Lots of crap on the drawing table coming up, as well as the usual start of year nonsense with schedules and where's-my-shit, and then I have to plan a couple presentations for parents and faculty. The Hundred Acre Wood is looking pretty good (that's relative, given the decrepit shape it's been in). Wall's down, carpet's patched and cleaned, not too much crap everywhere, the book orders came in, and so far only two computers didn't survive the summer. Bad sign: opened my file drawer in my desk and a VERY healthy-looking roach crawled across the tops of my files. EEEUUUUUWWWWWW. Asked the custodians to pleasepleaseplease do something about that. Hopefully they did. Kanga's been in a good mood, Owl has been working hard and has also been in a good mood. Eeyore's son is now in 6th grade and will be (ahem) in one of my classes at some point this year. THAT should be interesting.
The Boy had a birthday party today for one of the boys who was in his K class and will also be in his 1st grade class. They had a wonderful time, and I am really hoping that they will become good friends this year. We were invited over for a get-to-know-you party on Tues (same family, they are hosting a party for all the kids in the new class and the moms) so I am hoping that OFL will let me off for a couple hours to do that with The Boy. He should -- still owes me about 10 hours from last year, and I didn't even mention the time I came in and spent over the summer. Got a letter from The Boy's new teacher (brand new as of about a week ago or so) and he seems to be looking forward to this year. Sea change from last year-- he vehemently announced that "We don't have to talk about her any more" in reference to his K teacher, the Irish Nazi. I'll be making an appointment to see Miss 1st in the first couple weeks of school to talk things over with her.
Granny is here, and The Boy is loving it. DQ is occasionally standoffish, and I have had to get much firmer with both of them in the last month. Don't know if that's a factor of me leaving them in Austin for a couple days or just the stages they are going through. Whatever. Hope it ends soon, as I hate having to haul out "Mean Mommy" and chew them out for being rude or obnoxious every day. On the good side, Granny will let us have a couple dates before she leaves, so that will be the grand sum total of my social life for the next couple months.
Vegas and Austin were great -- more about that later.

off and running tomorrow morning

2007-08-08T19:07:00.000-05:00

The kids and I are off to Austin (and then Vegas for me and Hubby) in the morning. Spent today packing, and even with light packing we are still taking the big suitcase and the rolling carryon to check, and then we each have a backpack to carry on. Drama Queen has a surprise in hers -- bought her her own Leapster so she wouldn't have to harass her brother about taking turns with his. Hopefully between that and the seatback individual tv screens on Jetblue, we'll be set for the flight. Have munchies packed in the bags, and I promised them Dunkin Donuts at the airport )egg sandwich first, then a donut).
Just Books was sold out of Eclipse (!) so I am hoping to find it at the airport. We'll see -- one way or another I will locate a copy on the trip. Ordered a signed copy from an Arizona bookstore near where Stephenie Meyer lives, so hopefully that will come relatively soon and I can give the unsigned one to the library.
No word yet from Wome and Mame about whether they located a booster seat for DQ. If not, we'll hit Walmart or Target on the way back from the airport in Austin.
Cheers to a great trip!

Hot, hot, hot...

2007-08-05T07:17:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the heat wave. I feel a little guilty labeling weather like this as a heat wave, as I don't think we've even passed 95 yet, and in Oklahoma that's barely a reason to start sweating.. Real heat waves involve temperatures over 100 for days and days on end (and humidity over 90% if you want to nitpick). But this is Connecticut, where the standards and tolerances are much lower, and we've had enough mildly hot days in a row that it qualifies for the announcement. To be fair, those of us who have to hundred-year-old houses with no central air and only window units have to decide how much we want the electric bill to be, and that makes a difference. I've had the kids over at FIL's in the pool and central air for part of most of these days.
Four more days, and then we are officially off to Texas to see Auntie Mame and Uncle Wome. The kids are excited, and I think I will pack relatively light for them (definitely for me as I'm sending a separate suitcase to Vegas with Hubby so I don't have to haul it to Texas and then on to Vegas). Eclipse comes out just before the trip, so I will be schlepping that one along for the ride, and I have to throw some more in the Vegas suitcase.
Went through the toys and shipped two boxes off to Mame for her to tuck into the closet for the kids to have once we arrive (and hopefully keep at her house). Hope the tea set makes it through the trip unscathed. I sent the white ironstone set... it's cute but also big enough to have a "real" teaparty and has a few dings and cracks, so them abusing it won't be a huge deal.
Had a very enlightening discussion with UM regarding the Murphinator. Last week I sent her flowers for her birthday from FIL and me. FIL at least got a terse thank you note. I got nothing. She sent UM an email saying his entire family had "written [her] out of their lives" and she was completely alone and ignored. Right... that was immediately after we had the Happy birthday flowers delivered. She announced a week or so ago that she wants to take their kids to Italy for Christmas, and she wanted him to pay for the trip. He agree to pay for one, so that he is funding half the travel expenses for the kids. Fair -- he says he thinks this is a great opportunity for them and doesn't want them to miss it. I thought that was nice, but something was gnawing at me and it took me a quiet evening doing something else before I realized why that bothered me so much. M has been announcing left and right that she has no money. (and he pays all bills for the house and gives her $2500 a month) She told UM that he had to buy the kids their backpacks for school because she couldn't afford to do it. In January when I went to lunch with her she was going on and on about how she had no money to pay for a lawyer. Three years ago in the aftermath of The Incident, she was at my house in tears for four days going on about how she had no money and no way out... so I gave her an envelope of cash (an amount that was basically 1/6 of my checking account, not much in Greenwich terms but in terms of what I had it was substantial). So how does someone who has no money take two kids to Italy at Christmas??? I asked UM that. His answer: she has multiple savings accounts in her name only totaling six figures, not counting the hundred grand she put into buying the house. She can, according to him, lay hands on five figures in cash any time she wants, as part of the money is in retirement type accounts, but the rest is in regular savings. Apparently the funds came mostly from inheritances from her aunt, mother and grandmother, but that only tells me that she's had that money quite a while. Hmm. Kind of hard to play the abused neglected cashless wife whose husband withholds all money when you have a shitload of money in the bank. I am so pissed at myself for getting played like that. I knew all three of those women had died and I knew she had inheritances, but I never asked how much or whatever because I thought it was a crass topic to bring up. Hell, my grandmothers died and my mother bought us plane tickets for the funerals. Welcome to the grand sum total of my inheritances. Apparently nothing we do (like sending her flowers for her birthday) counts, and she can moan about being broke while having six figures sitting in the bank. Well, fuck her and the horse she rode in on. I told him I am now absolutely done with her. I hope UM can get the divorce wheels moving -- he says his lawyer thinks they can be done in 4-6 months. If he had any sense he made copies of all of her account statements so she can't conveniently forget they exist and not give those over to the court with all of the other financial info they have to provide. I didn't ask whether he had or not -- I don't want to know. But I really hope he did.

Thank you, J.K.R.

2007-07-22T13:09:00.000-05:00

Amazon delivered my Deathly Hallows copy yesterday just before noon, and I knew I couldn't open the box until AFTER I'd taken DQ to her friend Noah's birthday party and after we had returned to have dinner with FIL, GF, UM and kids. I finally opened the box and got started reading after the kids were in bed (around 8pm -- I've never started a Harry book so late!) I was up reading until 2am, alternately cheering and sobbing quietly in the living room so I wouldn't wake anyone. My favorite redheaded LitQueen called to tell me she was done as I was 53 pages into the book -- and she too was shocked that I was just getting started! We have yet to have our post-book discussion. Anyway -- today is recovery day, as I am obviously an old fart not used to staying up into the wee hours. :) I loved the book, and I know I will be rereading parts for quite a while. Well done, J.K.R.!

almost there....

2007-07-20T21:13:00.002-05:00

Last day of both kids in camp/daycare for the summer - The Boy is done. Drama Queen has a bit more than a week left. Went into work today and did the second coat on the shelving unit behind the circ desk. Didn't get to paint the removable shelves as Zinicoma and Co. were getting started cleaning the carpet and they didn't want anything on the floor in their way. The carpet guys came and put a nice large new rectangle of carpet where the wall used to be. These guys too said "We'll put the new carpet down, but you know it won't match, right?" Did my best fake shock look and said to Ralph, "Did you KNOW that???" Then I laughed my ass off and told them I didn't care if they matched the carpet to the duct tape -- the ancient rug in there is so trashed and so many different colors of blue it doesn't matter WHAT they put down. Anyway, will go back next week or the week after and do the shelves in two days -- one side one day then flip them the next day and do the other side. The Boy can help with that. The Hundred Acre Wood is improving slowly.
Went to our beloved head secretary's non-retirement luncheon (she didn't want a fuss and a bunch of nonsense) Monday. Kanga and Eeyore were there. K was lots of fun as usual, E was... well, E. I did some studious avoiding but didn't pull it off for the entire party. She cornered me toward the end, but I left soon after.
House is getting better -- piles of crap are greatly dimished, still need to pack up or throw out some stuff in the basement, and need to paint my bedroom and makeover the curtain panels. All in all I've gotten a lot done in the last few weeks at home, and I didn't go hellforleather and do it every day (probably should have though).
Harry #7 arrives tomorrow morning (thank you Amazon special delivery) so not much else is getting done this weekend!

I'm Just Wild About Harry...

2007-07-11T20:37:00.001-05:00

Went to see Harry Potter 5 (Order of the Phoenix) this afternoon with Beloved Blonde and family. Excellent movie overall! There were whole chunks of the book missing, but if they had tried to shove more in it would have come off piecemeal and rushed, so I'm glad they pruned as they did. Very impressed with the battle in the Dept of Mysteries scene -- extremely well done overall, but missed the statues getting in on Dumbledore's rescue act. Loved the first view of the outside of Azkaban also -- never imagined it quite that way but it made sense and impressed me. No Howler for Aunt Petunia, no Quidditch, no Ron and Hermione as prefects (and all the attendant pissing and moaning from Harry was missing), no visit to St. Mungo's to see Arthur and finding Neville and his vulture-hatted Gran visiting parents, no replacement of Professor Trelawney with Firenze (missed that one -- that would have been good special effects), no swamp in the front hall of the castle, and no disastrous lesson of Hagrid's with the thestrals. Excellent choices of actors for Dolores Umbridge, and for Luna Lovegood's part especially -- she came off with exactly the right intelligent spaciness. Harry was somewhat whiny but it was much more understandable in the amounts they put in the movie -- I didn't have the same "want to slap him into next week" reaction I did when I read the book. Dumbledore's Army was betrayed by Cho (who got grilled by Umbridge with truth serum in her office). In the book it was her friend. This sets up some interesting dilemmas, as Snape reveals she did it under duress, and therefore Harry could conceivably forgive her (doesn't get her out of the way for Ginny). The Half-Blood Prince movie will have to deal with that issue.
This is not in any way a stand-alone movie. It's one where you really have to have seen the other ones for it to make sense, and it does a solid job of setting up the continuing escalation of the conflict in the wizarding world. Can't wait to see what they do with Half-Blood Prince (which now I have to reread to get ready for next weekend's delivery of Deathly Hallows).
After the movie we went to the Mirage Cafe in Port Chester. It's like Piero's in that it is very small, but phenomenal quality. Excellent, excellent food and drink. I was very impressed -- have to take Hubby, FIL and GF there sometime just for fun.
One more day of LA dept curric work, which hopefully will mercifully end early. Today was righteous deadly as 12 English teachers debated the exact language they would use to describe curriculum tasks (do you say writing? editing? revising? composing? do we use nouns or verbs for this?) I ended up finalizing the summer book orders just so I'd feel like I'd done something worth getting paid for today.
Frankenstein came back with a carpet guy who took a sample, and they will be coming to patch the place in the rug where they removed the half wall behind the media desk. Hurray and hallelujah. Apparently Eeyore did not ever give Kanga final info on ordering encyclopedias so that didn't get done, nor did she do anything about ordering coffee tables/ottomans or sharing final info on bookfair. Big surprises all. Guess we'll see what happens in August but my guess is that the usual answer will appear: "I didn't know I was supposed to do that." Fearless Leader said this afternoon that Eeyore and I had both been officially transferred over to him for evaluation next year and his one comment was "she's not going to like it." Hmmmm. Guess we wait to see what that actually means.

And I got paid how much for this?

2007-07-09T21:17:00.001-05:00

First day of curriculum work: I did three booktalks, made a few general comments, and listened to the 7th grade teachers discuss their books. I forget what the daily staff work pay is, but even after taxes come out, those were damned expensive booktalks.
I am not seeing a guiding vision of where we're going here -- feels like we are stumbling around in the dark. Also got a lovely tidbit: apparently our kids tanked district-wide in the state reading assessment scores for "reader response" (ie the open-ended questions like "Explain how this applies to your life" or "Briefly describe how this would have altered your existence"). Okay, those are not exactly accurate question examples, but it's all of the short answer, non-multiple choice options. This is going to make things exponentially more complicated, given the fact that all of the media district-level department meetings will be joint with LA this coming year. Why? The amount of CYA that is sure to follow the townwide shitstorm of finger-pointing and blame when the school board has to deal with the test scores publicly. Like that will make any difference in whether or not these kids learn how to deal with questions like those.
Saw the curriculum mapping software again, and heard one of the "real" reasons we are going to have to do this -- the coordinators will be able to track what units and objectives are being taught when and see which objectives and state standards are being addressed "enough". Big Brother, thy name is School Board. They'll be able to tell which books are being taught when (as teachers will be asked to use the software to map out everything chronologically through the year). No doubt this will bring some new statistics and information to the glut, but my question is what will become of those? How useful will those be in terms of moving the district to change successfully? I don't mind doing this if it will help students learn better, or give new teachers more resources, but if the bottom line is that this is a way to watchdog the staff, then I object.
Like that's going to make an ant's left nut cheek of difference in the long run.

Harry Week #1 and Curriculum Nonsense

2007-07-08T08:54:00.001-05:00

It's curriculum work week -- so Mon-Thurs I go in to work to discuss books and such with the LA dept. I am still foggy on what we exactly need to get done despite multiple emails from Boss Lady and the LA Lady. Curtains arrived, needing cleaning and sunning. That might happen this week, might not. We'll see. Painting did not happen, scheduled loosely for this coming weekend. Computer desk is much improved, have list going for this week into next as to what else should get done. We'll see -- this week will either be most productive or a total tank.
Order of the Phoenix starts showing (at reasonable hours) Wed, so have a date with the girls for dinner and movie that evening. :) Something to look forward to!

Tuesday the 3rd

2007-07-03T10:13:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I did most of the attic, and it looks much better. Tackled part of the basement -- under the pool table is cleaned out and over by the stairs is cleaned out also. I used the shopvac to clean up the floor. Very noisy but it did a good job.Took a truckload of bags of clothes to the dropoff bin, and threw out about 8 bags of garbage, so I feel like I did a lot. This morning was ironing morning, and I am going to finish the dining room corner off. Maybe take care of the counter in the kitchen next to the back door and or the computer desk mess if I have enough time (have to go see Dr. Devine at 1:30).
Unforeseen benefit to all this cleanout -- it actually makes me feel lighter, like I am getting rid of the monkey on my back piece by piece (kind of a sick way of looking at it). I feel pretty good so far. I like being productive and seeing a difference in my house. Elizabeth is coming Thursday, so I am going to get out of her way and go in to work and run errands that day.
Might get to paint this weekend... maybe.

"The List" = The Hydra

2007-06-30T20:20:00.000-05:00

You know, that list of stuff that you want to get done around the house... the list that's got to have been the inspiration for the legend of the Hydra. Can't you just see some Greek wife in ancient times giving her writer husband the never ending litany of honey-do crap... and his imagination taking flight as he's stuck slaving away (on the roof, in the attic, cleaning the basement,whatever). One thing gets done and suddenly she's got eight more thankless ballbusting jobs on the list.
Anyway, I've managed to whack a head off my Hydra -- the Drama Queen has a freshly painted room that looks pretty damned good. Her room is now a nice warm pink with white trim. Hubby didn't seem to think I would do a good job -- no comment other than "You have a lot of work ahead of you" when I started, and a bemused "Oh, you did a good job!"when I finished. Nice that he has such confidence in me. The only part I couldn't do was the ceiling. I'm not tall enough, and the only step ladder we have in the house isn't stable enough for me to do that (I have to be too far up the ladder). So Hubby will have to tackle that at some point. I also took a stab at the mess in the dining room and tossed three bags of crap. I'm not quite done in there -- that was a naptime project that had to stop before I was done, and I haven't made it back to finish. This week the kids are in camp/daycare all week (except Wed) so I am hoping to get some major work done. I'd like to get the other bedroom painted, but I still have to negotiate that with Hubby as that will involve us not sleeping in there for at least one or two nights while the paint fumes air out, and he might rather do that on the weekend. If that project has to wait, then it's either attic or basement (attic first if the weather is cooler). Either way I have to remember to tip the garbagemen this week!
Harry Marathon tomorrow - have to get ready for Order of the Phoenix coming out on the 13th!

2007-06-24T17:43:00.000-05:00

Hoowah -- Harrison Ford still looks good as Indy! Found this one online and am I happy to hear they are shooting #4. Still love the hat. :)

Summer's Here

2007-06-24T14:35:00.000-05:00

...and the living is, well, easier at the moment, at least on the home front. The Murphinator is recently on the guilt trip rampage. I got three emails this weekend laying blame on me for abandoning her and "cutting [her] off". Interesting, as I can count on one hand the number of emails and phone calls I've gotten from her in the last five months (including this weekend), and two of those were just "are you coming to the birthday party". I gave up emailing her to ask if she wanted to get the kids together, go to the movies or go out to lunch because I never got a response. Whenever I called I got the answering machine and no response later-- so I gave that up too. Figured she didn't want to talk to me. Apparently in her world that means "call me more! offer to do more things with me!" and I was just too dumb to get that. I called her guilt trip on all points and made it pretty clear that I wasn't the one doing the cutting off, and that I wasn't going to put up with any more rude behavior (like at the Nephew's birthday party last month). I have a feeling that that will be the end of things, though I am not terribly torn up about that.
Hmmm...this divorce business doesn't make much sense to me. She has been knashing teeth and moaning that she needs to get out of this marriage for over 2 years, and that she doesn't want him in the house, yet when he left she announced he had abandoned her and the kids. Abandonment is pretty lucrative apparently: he has continued to pay ALL her bills PLUS give her $2500 a month spending money since he moved out. She's been saying for the same two years that she needs to get a job to have some security, and actually had several opportunities (interviews and all) to get jobs and refused to take any of them. The last one was because if she continued to be unemployed she "could screw him for more money in the divorce" (announced that to me at lunch in January). And yet she continues to whine that she has no security and that she has no job. She is now whining that no one invites her to any of the family occasions -- where her soon-to-be-ex-husband will be, the one person she has announced she wants nothing to do with socially anymore. Hmmm -- how do we invite her to come to an event where he will also be because he is part of this family??? Does she want an invitation just so she can say "Drop dead, I would never come to anything with him there."??? And since we have these functions on the weekends when we are all off work and he has the kids anyway, why would we invite her to come intrude on his time with the kids? She is rude to me, rude to FIL, and awful to her nearly-ex-husband. There is nothing amicable about this and yet she apparently wants the rest of us to act like it's perfectly friendly... and let her shit all over us. I know, it's divorce, she has a lot to be angry about ... but at least recognize that. Put on the goddamn big girl panties, do what it takes to secure your kids' future, and get the fuck ON with your life. I hope she finds someone soon who meets her needs as a friend or whatever else, as I am not that person.

Happy Father's Day

2007-06-17T09:37:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's Day to Hubby, FIL, Curmudgeon, and UM ... along with all of our friends who are fathers or are going to become fathers.
We have 40-50 people coming to FIL's house this afternoon for a party, most of whom are GF's family whom we've never met. She assures me that they are just as dysfunctional as we are, therefore everyone should get along fine. Should be a hoot. FIL and GF were here for cocktails/dinner last night, and GF and I had mojitos. Yum.
Got some really good fruit at Costco yesterday, and when Hubby returns from errands (and brings me the butter and eggs I thought we had) I will make the pound cake to go with the berries for today. He smoked 18 pounds of pork yesterday, so we should have enough for a small army.
The last classes are done, the "student guide" website is finished, and Eeyore actually decided to pitch in and help with inventory by shelf reading for a couple hours in the afternoon, and holy crap! she actually threw out some ancient books from the stacks. I thought Kanga was going to fall over. I'm hoping to finish inventory Monday, run the reports and be done with it. I'm buying lunch on Tuesday for Beloved Blonde and the staff of the Hundred Acre Woods (sigh...and Eeyore too) as a thank you for all their hard work this year. Aux Delice is going to make money off me on Tuesday! I'm going to bake Monday night though -- something yummy, maybe another pound cake with fruit. I think I'm going to have to do something for Jake's teacher, too. If I get flowers for the lunch on Tues. maybe I'll just send him with some of those.

Commencing Countdown to Commencement

2007-06-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

Well, sort of. Two more days of teaching classes. Six more (work) days with kids (only the last one doesn't really count since it's 8th grade graduation and I don't have a seat in the sweatbox for that). 8 more total days until The Boy's done with kindergarten and our Beloved Blonde graduates. 11 more total days until I'm completely done with this year.

6 more days until UM's first official divorce hearing. I am more and more relieved that I had the sense to force my hubby to change the child custody arrangements outlined in our wills the summer the Drama Queen was born. It was an offer he couldn't refuse -- after "The Incident" either UM could be the godfather in church (which he had already announced to everyone) OR they could be the custodians in the will -- but not both. Hubby chose the save face option and let his brother stand up in church as godfather. And the wills were quietly changed to Mame and Wome as custodians. Being no connosseiuer of divorce proceedings, I have no idea what exactly will go on at this hearing, but perhaps they will have better boundaries to function in and there will be less taking advantage. I don't think the amount of asshole behavior will cease ... not for a long time,, or at least until the Murphinator does some serious growing up. As in "you have been demanding this be over for two years, you don't have a lot of right to be mad that it's now ending."

Bookfair was all right -- not spectacular, but workable. Shelf reading and inventory are the next big projects (along with finalizing the bookfair accounting and numbers).

Memorial Day Weekend

2007-05-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

Saturday: the wedding/arraignment. This actually went beautifully once we got there. The traffic on 95 was a raging nightmare (not accidents, just stop-and-go for no apparent reason). So we were about 15 minutes late for the church service (FIL and GF were about a half hour late). Getting to the Italian Center reception was no problem, though, and it was very nice. This week, the bridesmaids were appropriately dressed (no poles needed, unlike last week's wedding with the girls poured into and falling out of their dresses and obvious total lack of undergarments of any kind), and the reception was lots of fun. Danced my ass off with UJ, and that was hilarious. He probably couldn't move today. He was announcing that his knees were trouble on the dance floor, but he was still going. There was a candy bar (6-8 different kinds you could come up and put into little take-home bags) at the end, and the last dance was the "Jackrabbit Slims twist contest" track from Pulp Fiction, which was really fun. I ended up dancing the last one with the Don, who was bombed and adorable.
Took The Boy and the Drama Queen to see Shrek 3 today, and we had a wonderful time. First thing in the morning on the weekend is a good time to see a flick. They both enjoyed it a lot, as did I. After that we went to North St to see the cousins and swim. DQ had a nap, and hubby took The Boy to the Don's for the post-wedding shindig. I stayed at the house, had daquiris all day and had dinner with UM and the little girls as the O-Man had to go back with his mother for part of the day to go play with friends. Since I was in the pool most of the day it was pretty relaxing. UM and I neither one cares about having anything fancy -- it's "what's in the fridge? Should we check the freezer? can we throw it on the grill and not get anything dirty?" Makes things very easy.
Have to get up tomorrow to make pie for dessert. Found one more bag of cherries from last year in the garage, so that will make FIL happy. Have to make something beyond that, though.
Finished reading Terry Trueman's 7 Days at the Hot Corner and Jerry Spinelli's Eggs. Both awesome books, but for different levels and very different reasons. 7 Days will be fab for the 8th grade. Have to craft a very particular booktalk for that one, as it deals with homophobia and an HIV test -- but in a way that's very realistic and not sexual. Eggs is going to be wonderful for 6th and 7th grade, esp for alternative family situations and dealing with breakdowns of traditional family. I loved it because it shows how resilient kids can be even when they don't want or mean to be.

Join the Club, Honey

2007-05-25T20:47:00.000-05:00

That's what I told me dear retiring evaluator and OFL in the meeting when they shut the door and said, "We wish things were working better with you and Eeyore." This was after ten minutes of me going through the stats of the media center for the year, improvements, successes, plans for next year, OFL poking fun at me for what I wrote, etc. All THAT went well.
And then we had to deal with the elephant in the room: what do we do with that limp noodle of mostly-but-not-quite-enough incompetence? After a few more stellar examples from this week and me saying "Help me. I am not going to scream and yell. I am not going to turn into Marvaline the Wonder Bitch. What am I supposed to DO about this? How do I motivate her to do a better job?"
General plan for next year is that

OFL will take over evaluating, and
He will also attend media staff meetings (yes to monthly, maybe to more than monthly if needed). If we have more than monthly and OFL cannot attend the extras he will get the minutes.
Divide and conquer duties and make those divisions public and recordable on the monthly reports and meeting minutes. That's going to involve some alterations to the monthly reports so that what's actually happening and who's responsible for what are both clearly visible.

The hope is two-fold: I will be more motivated to step back and let what happens happen -- and not get stuck putting out fires (if she fucks up I will let her stew in it until I get a specific request to fix whatever it is -- and that's got to be noted somewhere in the meeting minutes or the monthly reports). Eeyore will be more motivated to accomplish her tasks and perform her professional responsibilities (READ, go to meetings and not leave in the middle) because there will be public accounting going on of what she does on at least a monthly basis. I have no idea what happens if this doesn't work. I guess that's up to OFL.

Eeyore had her year-end eval also. Friday morning she casually said, "You know, I have my meeting with ___ today. I don't even know what time it is, and I haven't prepared anything. Oh well." I didn't say anything. Just stared at her. Frankly, I was a bit shocked, especially since Eeyore was working on getting tenure this year. For someone who exhibits paranoid tendencies on a regular basis, you would think she would have made some effort to prepare for that. Apparently it ranks right up there with reading books, figuring out what should go on the website and preparing for classes and teacher projects. None of that shit gets done either.
I saw her after school, and I said I had to go pick up The Boy at 3:10. Eeyore decided it would be a good idea to try to start a serious conversation about how "I want this to work. I know we had a disagreement a few months ago [hmmm...you think?] but I think if we divide responsibilities it will be fine.....blah blah repeat and rinse [I look at the clock, it's now 3:08, crap] and I stopped her to say "Why don't we have coffee on Tuesday morning before your first class and discuss that? We have a lot of work to do here -- now and next year." Told her I had to leave and ran off before she could drag that out any more. Don't know exactly what was said at the meeting she had, but it couldn't have been all peaches and cream the way she was talking and blabbering on.
This weekend we have the Stamford wedding/arraignment, then two days of family time. Hopefully things will go well across the board. It's getting WARM!

and what WILL tomorrow bring??

2007-05-23T20:45:00.000-05:00

All set for the meeting tomorrow... finished my end of the year eval paperwork to take in, and this year I started with a top ten things that were great this year and top ten things that sucked about this year. That didn't quite work -- too many on each list. Switched "sucked" to "drove me crazy" just so the drones at personnel wouldn't redflag me right off the bat (as if that doesn't happen every year given what I write). I don't care. I'm tenured. Even though they had a lawyer come in to tell us how easy it is for the district to fire us (what a great staff development presentation THAT was), the reality is that people in my field with my experience, degrees and credentials are pretty damned hard to find. I have no problem saying exactly what I think -- because I know they won't fire me unless I steal shit, murder someone, or tell the superintendent to go fuck herself in nine kinds of graphic detail. Even then they'd probably decide I was ill and send me off to SilverHill for a nice couple months therapeutic vacation. Well, maybe not if it was theft, but I wouldn't do that. Mouthy, yes, larcenous, no. We'll see how the meeting goes.
There was homemade chocolate cake in the office today ... it was goooooooooooooooood. I skipped lunch yesterday so I rationalized it as part of my week. Let me hear a rousing, "riiiiiiiight."

End of the Year stats

2007-05-22T19:01:00.001-05:00

It's May, and I have my end-of-the-year meeting with my evaluator this Thurs, and a scheduled meeting with OFL and The BossLady downtown on the 5th to discuss progress this year and budget items/plans for summer and next year. I spent four periods today crunching numbers and sorting through data to get a comprehensive picture of what was accomplished this year.

The average age of the library as a whole has dropped from 22 years to 16 years
Circulation is up to over 7600 (from 6900). If I did the math correctly we're up almost 11% over last year.
We spent $15,000 from the budget on books and resources for the library
We spent $2,120 on new furnishings from the bookfair account (our comfy Costco chairs)
We spent about another $2,000 on books from our local bookstores
We had two major authors visit: Stephenie Meyer in September and Peter Abrahams in March
Out of 68 booktalks this year, I did 59 solo. I did three tandem with Eeyore (that does NOT work) and the other six she did herself. Given that those were with three teachers who have all specifically said they do not want her doing booktalks with their classes again, we're going to run into problems next year.
We have a top ten books checked out of the media center list, and a top series checked out of the media center list. I'll post those later -- they're still on my desk at work.
I met with the 8th grade team, Eeyore met with the 6th grade team, and we are both supposed to meet with the 7th grade team Thurs to get feedback and requests for next year.
I figured out that I reviewed or recommended almost 60 books online, and I read over 200 more this year. That's pretty good given the load of shit I had to deal with.
I have a working website for my teaching materials, a book reviews page, I rebuilt the middle school summer reading website for GPS, and I've been recommending books to the Language Arts Dept for possible inclusion in the curriculum work this summer.
I learned to use social bookmarks through del.icio.us, have a bloglines account to handle all my rss feeds, and am going to post the scenic Washington photos I took on Flickr.

It's been a long strange year in the Hundred Acre Wood. I am much better with all this webmaster shit than I was last year, but have given up primary responsibility for that function to Eeyore -- who persists in doing it halfassed (and occasionally FUBARing it, like last week). It irritates me to no end to know that. Next year is looking more and more crazed, with the advent of the e-learning portals (read: customizable nightmare for teachers, students and parents). Eeyore didn't even bother to stay through the final webmaster meeting yesterday and so has no fucking clue what any of this is going to be like. Yet she insists "the web is MY job."
If I could figure out what she could do well, I'd ask her to just focus on that. She does okay with the 6th grade classes, but loses the 8th grade classes on a regular basis. Booktalks are a disaster and she doesn't read. I get complaints from the teachers on a regular basis that she is boring and that she doesn't do what they need her to do. We had a teacher this week doing research and Eeyore flatout refused to help her introduce the books to the kids -- even though that was what she had done last semester for her. Bizarre. I asked her to take the book orders we got this year and figure out what we didn't receive so we could look at percentages and reordering canceled items, and nothing has ever come of that. I need to make sure that whatever she is responsible for doing goes on the monthly reports -- so it's obvious to OFL and BossLady who's doing what and who's not doing what.
Is is June yet????

What's Worse -- Terminal Indecision or Common Incompetence?

2007-05-17T19:51:00.000-05:00

I blew a gasket yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn't fire the salvos in the appropriate direction at Eeyore; I had the yoga mantra going of "have to spend every day with her for the next five weeks" and so I went down to the office and had my nuclear meltdown with OFL and his compadres. I went out to go collect The Boy and our Beloved Blonde as it was getting dark and stormy, and by the time I made it back I realized that Eeyore was completely incapable of correcting the mess she had made (of our school's online public face). So I sat down, googled the home page and printed the cache of it so I would get it right. And then I spent 45 minutes FIXING IT FOR HER. And I (and our Beloved Patient Blonde) missed Rick Riordan's presentation to do it. Eeyore was at my elbow for the first fifteen minutes or so until I gave her the job of fixing the original page she had meant to update when she screwed up the main one... and that (what should have taken three to five minutes copy and paste max) took her until I was nearly done rebuilding and relinking the entire front page from scratch. Eeyore suffers from terminal indecision -- she is virtually incapable of making a clear decision and then acting upon it. And thus anything left to her gets mired in an absolute miasma of waiting for someone else to get sick of waiting for her to do it -- and then do it for her. I had thought upon taking the job that this was partially because of the "my way or the highway and get the fuck OUT of my way" atmosphere of last year. Unfortunately, it appears I was drastically mistaken. There is a lot of announcing that things should change and that things are wrong -- but no follow-through, no action, no effort to DO anything other than moan and whine and point out ways that everyone else should do things. I have been kicking myself all day today thinking that I should have left her to stew in her own fetid mess yesterday (which would have gone very publicly into today). It might have been better long-term for me to have left her to deal with it and have to admit she fucked it up and couldn't fix it on her own. I just couldn't stand the utter incompetence ... and I really felt that it made everyone (including me) look bad. Thinking it through, I'm pretty certain of two things: one, this will happen again, and two, next time I will suddenly have many, MANY important things to do which will prevent me from bailing her ass out of whatever publicly leaky boat she has blown holes in.

225 of Them, 19 of Us ... I Survived DC

2007-05-05T08:32:00.000-05:00

Got back last night miraculously around 8:30 pm. We had a great trip, especially on the ride home. We left DC a little after 2pm after the buses loaded, and we were expecting a hellride home with Friday traffic. Our drivers heard that both 95 and the Baltimore Washington pike were parking lots all the way through Delaware, so they found Route 301 north to take us up to Wilmington, NJ and the Jersey turnpike. It was probably a slightly longer route, but there was no traffic and we made good time. Our driver, Bob, told us that 301 is closer to the coast than the two major highways, and is more rural, so few people take it. Lots of farmland and woods ... very nice!
By the time we got to NJ and made two pitstops for restroom break and dinner, the really bad traffic was mostly gone, and we didn't get stuck anywhere. I think that was probably the easiest ride home ever.
DC was great. When we got in, we went to the memorials: WW II, Lincoln, Vietnam, Korea, Jefferson. We saw the Einstein statue -- that was fun! We went to the Pentagon City mall for dinner, and it was nice to let the kids run around some. Wednesday we went to the Capitol VERY early to meet Chris Shays and get a "before it opens" tour. It was really nice to not have to wait in a long line for that. His staff took a couple big group pics, and he spoke to the kids for a few minutes before our tours started. Our group went to the Holocaust museum before meeting everyone for lunch at the Old Post Office. After lunch we went out to Mount Vernon for the tour. They have a really cool movie experience describing some of the important battles and strategies Washington used in the Revolutionary War -- seats shake during cannon blasts, soap bubble "Snow" falls during the crossing of the Delaware scene, and fog rolls out at some point. They have some kind of vineyard there, so I got Steve a bottle of their red table vino. Have no clue how good it is, but I thought he would think that was a fun souvenir for him. We got to go back to the hotel (Best Western, not too bad) to change and rest a bit before dinner (Phillips seafood restaurant, buffet with some things that were safe for me to eat). After dinner we went to the Kennedy Center to see "Shear Madness" which was hilarious! The Kennedy Center was beautiful, especially at night. The kids were not quite tired enough after everything, but such is life. Thursday we went to Arlington to see the Kennedy graves, the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and a wreath laying ceremony. We saw the Womens' Memorial building there, where they have the Faces of the Fallen exhibit. Artists (professional and amateur) take photos of the soldiers who have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan and create a portrait of the fallen soldier as a memorial. The portraits are displayed along one long wall, and people have left mementos next to the portraits. Some were heartbreaking -- wedding pictures, notes from the soldier's children or parents... the one that said "Merry Christmas Daddy, we love you" just shattered me. The kids behaved pretty well. We went to see the Marine War Memorial (Iwo Jima) and I got some great shots there. The optical illusion of the flag raising is amazing!
We went to the Air and Space museum for lunch, and that was a raging disaster. The museum was phenomenally crowded with school groups, and the food court area was so jammed my claustrophobia kicked in and I had to get out. I went outside and got a hot dog and a pretzel from one of the vendors and didn't bother with my lunch coupon. When the kids met us outside, we divvied up, and I took a group of about 10 to the National Archives to see if we could get in. The line was about 300 people long and it didn't budge at all, so we ditched that and went across the street to see the sculpture garden. The kids had a great time there! After that we met up with the rest of the group at the museum of Natural History for about an hour (in which we lost one kid for about 20 minutes, but she had enough sense to go to the security office and wait for us to find her). Back to the hotel again and we got changed for the dinner cruise on the Spirit of Washington. The buffet was decent, the kids were great, but the damn boat kept going in circles on the Potomac! I got mildly nauseous several times -- never bad enough to hurl, but I had to go out and get air a lot. They had a couple dance contests, and the kids were pretty funny. I managed to avoid the chaperone dance contest, which was won hands down by Senora Sam Juliano. The next morning we went to the Washington monument (again, avoided that one because I knew the claustrophobia would make me miserable). I had a ton of fun taking pics of the kids outside the monument, though. We went to the FDR memorial (kids misbehaved some and pissed off some old people, which was embarrassing), and then we went out to Hain's Point and saw The Awakening sculpture. Lunch was at Pentagon City mall again, and then we got on the buses to go home. The weather was great all week. The one really cool morning turned out to be the Arlington morning, so it was nice to walk all over and not sweat to death.
Memorable moments: the kid who earned himself the nickname "Captain Underpants" when he took a flying leap off the Jefferson Memorial steps and his shorts ended up around his ankles. He also managed to accidentally knock over a wreath in the Women's Memorial building in Arlington. Then there was the group at the WWII Memorial lying on the ground attempting to take shots of the Washington Monument appearing out of their crotches. I went over and used Jo Frame's infamous line: "You WISH!" before I told them that every grownup at the memorial knew what they were doing and it wasn't appropriate behavior for a memorial -- so get up. We played the Dating Game and Rumor Patrol on the bus, and virtually every movie the kids brought to watch on the bus was inappropriate (they actually brought Borat!). We ended up with Rush Hour and season one of Family Guy on the way home, which worked out well. Then there was the infamous bathroom incident on our bus -- one of the boys was in the (unlocked) bathroom on his cell phone, and I went back thinking there was no one in there and I could use the bathroom. Although he was fully dressed, he was convinced I thought he was in there jerking off! This of course was something the other kids found to be the height of hilarity.
We had some phenomenally immature behavior from some of the newer teachers... stuff I both didn't expect and was absolutely bowled over by (ie conniption fits over "but there's no seat saved for me!" at dinner etc). I put a muzzle on and didn't say it, but I was thinking "Put on your big girl panties and get the fuck over it." I'd definitely like to go again, though I really do hope that it will be with more of the 8th grade teachers and less of the *problematic* ones.

Packing Up and Getting Out Of Dodge

2007-04-14T16:34:00.000-05:00

Looks like we are almost set -- the ipod's loaded with audiobooks for Jake, have headphones for the Leapster, need to pack the on-plane bag (extra clothes and snacks). We're taking a monster-big can of Italian olive oil from Arthur Ave to Kristen and Danny, along with Kristen's birthday presents. Louisiana should be lots of fun! Hopefully the flight tomorrow morning takes off okay and we get through DFW all right... biggest concern is LaGuardia at this point.

Happy Frigid Easter

2007-04-08T13:37:00.000-05:00

The kids had a good time. The kids had a good time. The kids had a good time.

Helluva mantra to get me through the weekend.

I really don't like the matriarch of the family job. Really. REALLY. REALLY.

Open Letter to the Driver Who Almost Ran Us Over

2007-04-04T19:21:00.000-05:00

To the thoughtless and reckless woman in the light blue minivan, CT license plate 427 TNJ, on Riverside Avenue at 5:25 pm today,

I looked you straight in the eye, and you refused to stop. I was dead center in the middle of the crosswalk, and you drove right on through. If it had been a different day for my boy, he would have been bouncing out just ahead of me, holding onto my hand and pulling me along ... and you would have rammed your 4,000 pounds of metal and plastic right into him. Fortunately for all of us he was tired today and staying close to me -- so you just rolled past my right side as I turned to protect him. Fortunately for us, we encountered you on the way into the daycare facility where my also active almost-3 daughter is. Had I met up with you trying to use the crosswalk with her in one hand and him in the other God knows how many of us you would have sent to the hospital or the morgue. Yes, it was raining -- but we were wearing bright raincoats, the other cars had stopped, and you met me eye to eye and kept right on going. You knew EXACTLY what you were doing.

FYI to you -- I called the police, and they have your vehicle description and your license plate number. They sent an officer to my house to take the information after I spoke to dispatch. If you ever cause any kind of accident or God forbid run down someone else, THEY WILL KNOW. You have a history of being reckless and stupid, and IT'S ON RECORD. They can't give you a ticket today, but if you ever get caught doing this again they won't give you a warning. They will nail your ass to the wall. I will be taking time off work tomorrow to pay the traffic division a personal visit, to make sure they know who you are and that they damn well better watch out for your sorry ass, as well as do a better job of policing and ticketing on Riverside Avenue.

With my luck, you're a parent at my boy's school or worse, at my school. I have gone past the point of actually giving a shit about that, though -- I let the other incidents with other drivers slide including that shit-for-brains woman on her cell phone in the black SUV who flipped me off for attempting to cross the street (same crosswalk but just me and no kids that time). Not this time. When it's assholes against me, that's one thing. You seriously endanger my kid, and I will do what I can to make sure it doesn't happen again.

The director of my daycare facility told me that the only way the town would act to better mark the crosswalk or calm the traffic would be if someone got hurt. Is this what it takes? How many near-misses do we have to have? What child has to go into intensive care over this idiocy? What parent has to put themselves in physical or mortal danger to pick up a child at school?

The bigger question would be why do people in this town feel that the rules apply to everyone else -- except them?

Lord knows no one who doesn't have kids drives a minivan -- so you must have kids.
Lady, if it was your kid in the crosswalk, I'm sure you would expect every vehicle on the street to stop. So why wouldn't you stop for me and my kid?

And this is the clean version of what I have to say about this bullshit.

and the winner is...

2007-03-23T20:12:00.000-05:00

Definitely exhaustion.
I've been to bed by 8 pm twice this week and I still don't feel like I've caught up. Doesn't help that the Drama Queen has been waking up and wailing at 4am the last couple nights consistently. She was a total pain in the ass today at daycare too -- Tasha's never been that detailed in all the jackass things she's done all day. I got in DQ's face about that immediately and told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to behave that way ever, and if she did I was going to tell Tasha to call me at work and that I would come HELP her behave. Made me feel like the boss with the hat in Cool Hand Luke ("You got your mind RIGHT there boy?") -- which of course made me feel like shit, but she can't get away with acting like that. She may be channeling my mother-in-law, but damned if I have to let her get off scot free for it.
I haven't been feeling right for a couple weeks, but it seems to be getting worse. Not sleeping right, feeling exhausted and at the end of my rope most of the time... I'm wondering if this is temporary or if I should consider going back on the meds. I can't think of anything specific that ought to be sending me over the edge, but maybe it's a lot of little things that I'm not giving enough credit to. Sure sign something's up -- not looking forward to my birthday in the least, and I would be more than happy to ignore the occasion completely. I usually want at least a couple nice cards and a nice dinner to look forward to, and the family always makes sure to send a couple nice gifts ... but I just don't care about any of that at all this year. It's strange to feel this way again (happened last year when we were constantly in crisis over the MOL), but this time without the impending doom and absolute focus on everything else going on.
Maybe I just need some peace.
That's been sorely lacking for a long time. We haven't had one holiday in the last few years that wasn't overtaken by the raging internal family dramas.
Maybe I just need some quiet time to recharge.
That's mostly what I had in Vegas last year (good thing -- if it hadn't been for that trip I would have been a complete disaster when it counted). Doesn't look like that will happen anytime soon though. Maybe I will get some peace in Louisiana ... taking the kids out in the kayak to see the dolphins in the mornings and evenings ... there's hope.

Are We Done With the Damn Snow Yet?

2007-03-19T19:06:00.000-05:00

Bitch, bitch, bitch. I don't mind the snow, really -- I mind the rain, sleet and sneet that compacted that nice fluffy powder into the glacial ice pack that has been my driveway for the last couple days. Hubby broke a shovel handle and gouged both hands before switching to the heavy-duty metal garden shovel (and then giving up soon after). The sun is starting to take care of it but it looks like we might get more frigid crap tonight. Good thing Big Bertha is as heavy as she is or I'd never get her wide load ass out of the driveway. Hope this is the last big winter storm.

We took the kids sledding over in Byram park yesterday, and had a blast. We went all the way down the big hill over and over -- what wild rides! The Drama Queen was busy channeling Danica Patrick, and The Boy was thrilled too. The weather yesterday was wonderful, just warm enough to be comfortable outside without turning everything into a slushy mess on the hill.

Our St. Patrick's Day was full of family, godparents and birthday cake for The Boy. He has been having so much fun with the lightsabers and his Harry Potter getup ... and we keep switching between the Star Wars dvds and the Harry Potter ones. I'm almost afraid he's going to start asking what Obi Wan teaches at Hogwarts.

Auntie Mame's visit went very well. Picked her up at the airport, and she came for dinner and saw the kids. The Boy went running and jumping into her arms! The Drama Queen gave her a bit of the stink-eye before she warmed up, but we taught her to say "Uncle Wome is in I-Wack," and she got a little smiley. It was so nice to have Mamie here... and it was physically painful to watch her leave. I miss her much more than I'm willing to admit to myself most of the time. I am looking forward to going south to visit the Redneck Relations next month. It'll be the first big family trip since we went to Mexico for Wome and Mame's wedding, so we'll see how we do as a traveling circus.

One more weekend of birthday hoohah (Charlie and The Boy both on Saturday, then Hubby on Monday). Then we can breathe. Once again, I feel like I just don't give a rat's left asscheek about my birthday this year (38? So what???). We'll be down south for it, and I already told Auntie JurisD that I don't give a shit and we can skip my birthday entirely ... I'm just happy to be somewhere different. We'll see if she listens. I don't have much hope of that, as she doesn't have a history of doing that unless things are completely removed from her control, and since we're going to HER house, that's pretty much an impossibility.

Work sucks. What else is new. We got a bunch of new books (Spend the money! Don't let them take it back!!!), and that is going to keep me occupied for a while.

Random Updates

2007-03-11T09:14:00.000-05:00

Auntie Mame is coming Monday for a brief dinnertime stopover, as she's coming from Austin up to Hartford for a 1-day job, then on to Toronto. The Boy and the Drama Queen are pretty excited! If the weather's decent we'll grill steaks, if it's lousy we'll get takeout.

The Boy's birthday is next weekend, and we're having a family party (read: have the cousins over and play and have cupcakes), then the "real" party is the following weekend. For some reason, Hubby thought it was a good idea to book a music party (fine) in Wilton (????). I have no idea if people will actually be willing to go that far for a birthday party. Guess we'll find out.

Went to the show-and-tell for the Other School. Lots of good info on class sizes, curriculum and staffing, and I think The Boy would do well there. Hubby was predictably racist and stubborn: "I don't want him going to school with a bunch of blacks and Puerto Ricans." We're still battling this one out. We'll see if he gets in and then we'll have the showdown. I think if we did send him there, it would change Hubby's mind (at least to some degree). He's got what he remembers from high school in his head -- when the kids there were the lowest performing and least able students, and also the most troublesome. The school is very different now than it was then, esp with the new principal. She's one tough, organized lady.

I'm done with the first draft of the district summer reading website, and am updating author lists and working on the brochure version as suggestions come in. Got a couple new banners done for the genre pages, and they look better than the old ones. Still waiting to get final copy from the LA dept on the intro letter and assignment. Eeyore was annoying about that. Everything I do she comes up and announces she will do it too. I told her flat out no on the summer reading business -- I probably would have given her the brochure part of it had I not been so aggravated that she had assumed that she could do half my booktalks this entire week. I let that go this week, but we are going to have to have a sit-down this coming week and discuss division of responsibilities because this "if you're doing it I should get to do part of it too" crap is annoying the shit out of me. I'm not a particularly territorial person, but I feel like Eeyore is up my ass most of the time and my patience is coming to the end.

I also volunteered for one session of summer work, helping the LA dept revise and update the core books/reading lists. That will be difficult to say the least. Trying to get that group to agree on anything new is usually like stopping the earth from rotating. Hopefully there will be enough younger teachers on the committee who are willing to look at newer stuff. There are a few teachers (mostly from Wonderland) who would be total stick-in-the-muds about everything. Maybe they'll be on vacation.

Decisions, Decisions...

2007-02-25T13:34:00.000-05:00

I'm not happy with The Boy's experiences at his elementary school. I switched him into the school where he is because it is right across the street from where I work, therefore it was convenient for dropoffs, pickups, and any odd emergencies. It's supposed to be top-notch, at least in terms of test scores and such, and the "clientele" kids basically all live in million-plus homes, so you would expect that they would come ready to learn etc. Not the case. One parent at the kindergarten orientation wanted to know if kids would be okay if they didn't know the alphabet and their numbers.
The Boy has been bored this year as they have done little more than what he already learned in preschool. I have not been impressed with his teacher at all. She does not use email (how in the hell that goes on I have no idea), and demands handwritten notes be delivered to her room. That's inconvenient for me to say the least, but I'd put up with that if I got even remotely timely responses (or responses at all). For their "100th Day of Kindergarten" celebration, they spent the entire day counting to 100. He's been able to do that for a year and a half. His "report card" at parent conference time was stellar other than low marks for being unable to reliably pick out rhyming words (big deal in my opinion given the other benchmarks). He has also been very upset that he doesn't get invited on playdates after school. The mothers know that I work (there are only two of us in the class who do). I can't invite kids for afterschool playdates because I work till 4:30... so that's pretty much impossible, and it's hard for Jake to understand that sometimes. He's also been coming home and asking questions about how much our house cost, and how much our car cost, and when are we getting a new car and a new house. Those seem like strange questions to me, but he says that the kids in his class talk about stuff like that. That makes me a little uncomfortable, like they are looking for a way to rank him lower in the social strata.
Anyway, due to all of this, I am looking to move him to a different school next year. There are two magnet schools I have applications for. The First One is at least in the same side of town and feeds into my middle school, and The Other One is going to have a brand new building and expanded sports and music programs (not to mention significantly smaller class sizes so he would get more attention). Hubby is opposed to The Other because it eventually feeds into our designated middle school, which is not as good a school as the one where I work, in his opinion. I think it would be better because he would at least have some contact with kids from our neighborhood, and maybe make some friends closer to home. I know it will be much easier to get him in there (I have no idea if they will give me any extra consideration at The First One). I just know I really don't want him where he is any more. I want him to be happy, and I just don't see that there.
I hope I'm doing the right thing, and I hope we find a place where he'll be happier and be challenged more.

Michelangelo I Am Not

2007-02-22T18:26:00.000-05:00

After two days (about eight hours total I think), one gallon of primer and almost two gallons of flat paint, the media center walls are now all some variety of white (the oldest paint actually looks grey, but that's beside the point). We now no longer have the weird purple stripe running the length of the room, and the giant overbearing dark blue oval is now all white. I was up on a ladder painting the high areas of the oval (mostly over my head) and I have a much greater respect for anyone who can paint like that on a regular basis. As the title says, Michelangelo I am not, but I got the job done and it looks pretty nice. It's amazing how much just those two places brightened up the space. Kanga and I also painted the column behind the media desk... just one coat, but the difference was phenomenal. She is such a trooper. I bought her lunch and a cerveza today when we went out with OFL, The Boss, and Owl. We did have a few minor mishaps with the paint, mostly caught by the dropcloths and the tarp, but there were several instances where K's paint roller spongy-thing went flying off the metal roller and landed on the rug. We both laughed, mostly because the rug is in such disastrously dismal shape that the paint splats don't even really matter. If Eeyore complains, I'll just put duct tape over them -- not like THAT'S an unusual occurrence. I'm hoping that this project will make our media center seem nicer for the students and staff, and show them that we do care about the quality of the appearance of the place. Hopefully the new chairs will come soon, and if I get really lucky the tables will still be at Lillian August when I go next week. If not I'll get the one big table and the two smaller ones if those are still there. That'll be an interesting trip. Haven't told OFL about the rug estimate yet ... that's a summer project anyway, so I haven't worried about getting those numbers to him yet.
And now the cranky griping:
Every major thing that has happened with the facilities has been directly my decision so far (weeding, all the new furniture, the painting, discussing blinds/rugs/tile/etc with OFL and Frankenstein). I have tried I don't know how many ways to involve Eeyore, but all she seems to do is drag and delay, and then find something to bitch about once it's done. I'm annoyed, but at the same time I see a pattern, and I really don't feel too uncomfortable making these decisions pretty much without her input (since it's usually negative anyway). The book orders are also left entirely to me since she didn't do anything with them the Friday before vacation, when I specifically asked her to prioritize and send.
Back to a nicer midset:
On the up side, I've read a couple new books over vacation that I've enjoyed, and I posted reviews ("Mrs. B's Favorites" on the EMS site in the Media Center Recommended Reads section). If the weather is reasonably decent tomorrow, I am taking The Boy into NY to the Museum of Natural History tomorrow. I hope it's good, because he's really looking forward to this. Should have asked the Dormouse for the camera!
The Boy had another marvelous day with his beloved blonde bombshell. They went for a wander down to OG and went into the toy store and the bookstore, and then back to her house for lunch and building with legos. She is such a wonderful doll, and he adores her. :)

The First Dry Day

2007-02-21T20:41:00.000-05:00

Hurray, hurray (and for those of you who don't give a shit about toilet training, leave the blog now) for The Drama Queen, who had her very first full day of underwear and no accidents! Our little monster is getting to be quite the big girl. She's also the official subject of her teacher's semester-long observation project for her college course ... I laughed at that one and told Natacha I hoped her professor had a good sense of humor. We had to sign off on a two-page permission form for this! Anyway, it's good that DQ's finally got the underwear on and she appears to have gotten the hang of this pretty well. She did well over the weekend -- only a couple accidents. I've been dressing her in easy-up-and-down outfits: dress and tights or loose pants, so that helps as she can manage those on her own.
The Boy had a great time with his favorite blonde today, and is very much looking forward to spending the day with her tomorrow also. K and I got all the spaces primed today, and tomorrow we do a finish coat (hopefully one will do). We've tentatively planned to go out to lunch with Owl, OFL and The Boss, which should be fun as there will be liquids involved. ;) Guess that means I have to wear some makeup tomorrow, or at least bring enough to make me look decent for lunch. Promised K I would buy her lunch (and probably at least one drink also).
I think the MC is going to look much, much better when we're done. It's already a lot lighter and brighter, so I'm glad I did the bullheaded act to get this done.

Vacation's FINALLY here

2007-02-18T20:38:00.000-05:00

Vacation ... should bring palm fronds, steel drum music and those cute little umbrella drinks that get you slobberknockered in a hurry. Alas, it's not to be. I think the closest I will get to that is the 4-D SpongeBob experience at the Maritime Center's IMAX theater.

I have The Boy's favorite blonde bombshell coming for two days, and I'll be putting a coat on the more ridiculous parts of the MC those days. Other than that, I think I might take him into the city on Friday, maybe go to a museum or do something else fun for him. Took him to see Bridge to Terabithia Saturday, and we both liked it. We're now reading the book.

We finally have both kids healthy again, after the hat trick of colds/viruses that stampeded through our house over the course of the last 10 days or so. Not fun -- The Drama Queen still wasn't feeling well this morning, but was doing much better after naptime today... much more her usual self.

Got my book reviews up to date, and have gotten the pile knocked down a bit. I've also been mulling over the summer reading nonsense, and still haven't quite decided what to do.

FIL is in St Maarten with GF, UJ, the Don and AD. We will apparently be going to a wedding over Memorial Day weekend for the Don's son and his longtime girlfriend/fiancee who is expecting unexpectedly. Glad we're not in St. Maarten to hear about all that. It really doesn't bother me much -- they have been together so long that I figured we would have a wedding and babies from those two anyway. Seems to me they just are a tad out of order for the moment. It's a bit hard to take for the Don, I think, as he is pretty traditional (thus the nickname).

random annoyances, or same shit different day

2007-02-10T10:41:00.000-05:00

I have been researching summer reading websites in hopes that I could find something inspiring, new and cool to get me up and rolling since I now have to completely redesign the district SR webpages. I have been sorely disappointed so far. Every site I have come upon is deadly dull, and some are so poorly designed I didn't want to look any further than the front page. Many of them that were mashed into district sites used pdfs heavily, and there was no real way to search easily for the info you needed. Lots of unecessary scrolling on some also. The district-mashed sites were as a whole far deadlier than the whole-page sites ... and that's saying something IMHO. I did find an experimental summer reading book blog in Washington state that looked like a cool possibility. Have to bring up with CR.
Questions to resolve: how to make it more interactive, what do kids expect to get out of it, what do parents need to get out of it, how to design for the needs given the page limitations I have to deal with (since I now have to cram all this into a much narrower space and design it around the district frame, colors and backdrop).
I am pretty pissed that I have to do this all over again since I think the original site worked quite well for everyone, and was at least interesting to look at while you found what you needed. An once again I don't get credit for doing this, either through getting paid for my time or getting credit towards my ceu requirements. I should have another conversation with CR about that.

Eeyore blew off one of our teachers, and when reminded of what she had agreed to do, replied "Oh well." Twice. Aside from being beyond unprofessional, this is the kind of nonsense that will make staff see us as unreliable, unfriendly and unnecessary -- exactly what we are supposed to be working to remedy in terms of climate. Have no idea whether I am supposed to address that directly or not. There has also been some creative avoidance of the division directive from CR, and that's irritating.

On the good side, I ordered the chairs for the MC after doing the dumb blonde act over the phone for Calca downtown and getting the play-by-play of exactly what to have as documentation of the purchase for reimbursement. Those should come in a few weeks. Got an estimate from Home Depot for rug options (about $4500). Went table hunting with my drama queen, and she behaved quite well. Found some excellent possibilities for tables for the MC, some quite inexpensive at the Lillian August warehouse. Got the manager's name and will call her to discuss tax-exempt option and how to work check from school. Getting Eeyore to go see any of this will be difficult at best I think, which will lead to another I do it and she bitches situation. In her own words, "Oh well."

Fixed what was a major issue in one of our departments, which Owl had ignored according to the other staff involved. Very odd. Finishing the fix will take some parts and pieces ordering, but that shouldn't be an issue.

Kanga's been a little bent lately, mostly over Tigger issues (all valid, will eventually go away but are quite annoying and sometimes patently unfair). Have to bring up with AOFL to see if resolution is a possibility for any of them. This should be interesting this week as K will be out sick for most if not all of this week, so we'll see if T can get her act together enough to be reasonably reliable.

Didja see the Mushroom Cloud??

2007-02-03T14:35:00.000-05:00

Hell week #2 is officially over. I met with Christopher Robin Tuesday to discuss the issues we've been having at work, to see if she had any constructive suggestions or ways to restructure the place so I don't lose my mind. I explained a lot of things (some in as few details as possible). She had a few suggestions-- mostly along the lines of clear division of jobs and responsibilities so it would be clear not just to us in the midst of the bullshit but also to everyone else who was supposed to be doing what, and what was and was not getting done. She also said that one of us has to be the official department head, and that it makes more sense for me to have that job since I have more experience and can actually make a decision. I told her that announcement has to come from her or OFL -- there is no way I 'm dropping that bomb too. I also have the job of redoing the summer reading website (and thus I am not volunteering for one more damn thing at the district level). That needs to get done in about the next two months. No jury duty for Wed. (don't know how I missed that bullet, but I'm happy my name was on the "don't come in" message on their answering machine) so I went in to work.
Wednesday was Mushroom Cloud Day. Sat down with Eeyore to discuss several things (furniture, the 8th grade website business, and then the safe and the money). It did not go well. The first part was fine (read: the non-controversial stuff). When we got to the safe and I told her very calmly and quietly that I didn't care who had the combination or control over the money, but if she had it, I didn't want it because I didn't want to be held responsible unless I was actually completely responsible. I said flat out -- "If you don't want that responsibility, I'll take it, but I'm not sharing it. You decide what you'd like, and it'll be fine with me either way." She blew a gasket and told me she didn't see why we couldn't both have it, so I explained that her reactions to the bookfair nightmare were the solid reason behind my decision -- I was not willing to be responsible for something over which I had less than complete control anymore. I kept reiterating that I did not care if she wanted to have the responsibility; she could have it, but at that point I would refuse to take responsibility for any of it. She started yelling at that point, starting with "So you don't trust me?" to which I responded, "It's no longer a matter of trust. You refused to take responsibility for the bookfair mess with me, and you hung me out to dry. I'm no longer willing to risk my job in the least over this." She kept announcing she had no idea what I was talking about over and over again, and I finally quit repeating her exact words from the previous two conversations back to her -- just said "I explained what you said three times. I think that's enough." When she asked why I was doing this now, I told her I was tired and I felt overwhelmed and overworked sometimes, and that I needed help. She immediately twisted that into "You don't think I work? You don't think I do enough? I don't do my job?" It didn't matter how many times I said "I didn't say that. You said that." She was yelling loud enough for Kanga and Owl to hear her all the way across the media center at that point (and also all the staff and students who were in there also). It was more than embarrassing. She started yelling that she'd "take the web" -- as if that wasn't supposed to be something she should be doing already anyway. Her last attempt at a cut toward me was "I thought this was supposed to be a partnership." My immediate response to her was a calm, eye-to-eye "I thought so too." That seemed to shut her up for a few seconds, and then she darted off announcing she had lunch duty. After she grabbed her coat, she stopped and yelled at me one last time, "You just take the safe and the money. You want it you can just have it since the safe was your idea anyway."
I sat through the fallout for about 20 minutes, ate Tums for lunch, and told Kanga I was all right when she came over to ask quietly how I was. I sent OFL a very short email that said we had had the conversation, it did not go well, and that she had blown a gasket. He came up about an hour later into my class, and sat down to ask me "What is her fucking problem?" I gave a very brief explanation of what had happened and we left it at that. I stopped in later to tell him that CR was coming and we were supposed to divide responsibilities together. His response was "You have to have her to do THAT?" I said yes -- at least right now. I keep telling him I am trying to make this work. How long? I don't know.
Thursday CR came to do a formal eval on Eeyore, who was apparently nervous enough about this to not only ask me repeatedly if she should do a particular lesson, but also to have the aide NOT bring the seriously retarded girl to class that day. That pissed me off. Anyway, afterward, CR weenied out on helping us divide our responsibilities, and left it as we should do it ourselves and let her know. I talked with Eeyore later and suggested we look at several ways to divide and conquer -- possibly by grade level and or subject for the curricular areas. The reality is that she's going to have to pick up more of the day to day if I have to be responsible for the budget and all that other nonsense. That ought to be another fun nuclear discussion.
Friday was staff development, otherwise known as "been there done that" day. Other than a few tricks, the day was pretty much spent looking at things we'd seen before and talked over ad nauseum. We did decide that the research process needs to be standardized k-12, so that the same ideas and vocabulary get used throughout. The elementary schools are our weak link, as they do a hodgepodge of whatever they like. Eeyore volunteered immediately for the committee, along with the Hobbit and the Mole. I refused to say anything -- I have enough on my plate.
The other piece that came out of yesterday was that CR said I now have to talk to Calca downtown about using the bookfair money to buy furniture for the new reading area for the media center, since the district can now see our account online(thanks to Eeyore for being so stubbornly recalcitrant on spending the money before now). Hopefully the conversation can end with a yes from him and I won't have to take this to the White Witch. Don't know if I should add in the digital slr camera to that conversation also.
Sigh. I am so damn glad this week is over. Unfortunately, the difficult pieces aren't finished yet, so this soap opera bullshit is going to continue for a while.

What Day Is It Again?

2007-01-24T21:18:00.000-05:00

I've gone from a few hell days to a full blown hell week. It's musical time at school, so the kids are wacky, the staff is stressed, and it's also time to post grades and start new classes. OFL brought Frankenstein up for a look-see as to what we need to have done (get rid of the nasty carpet, tile the floors, repaint, etc) in the media center ... except we got told that the district's facilities and maintenance budget has basically been gutted down to roofs and boilers only, with the $2 million going for "closing the gap." So no new floor tiles or paint for us AGAIN. I got pissed, and they both knew it. I didn't get ugly with them but I let them know that this was an absolute sin -- our media center is a dump, and our kids and our staff deserve better. I told OFL "You better plan to take me out for a drink after THIS."
Frankenstein did feel badly about it -- he did agree to demolish the back half of our circ desk and made sure that the work order to move and remove the last of the shelving got done. Eeyore's response to this was, "Oh well. That's too bad." Again -- not her responsibility, and absolutely no thought of "well, given our situation, what CAN we do to improve the physical facility for the kids and staff?" She seemed truly amazed that I could think that way. I started brainstorming immediately -- what projects could be tackled for the least cash and the most bang for the buck? The end result was that Kanga and I decided that she and I would attempt painting over the weird lavender strip on the wall, and the giant blue oval sitting over the circ desk during February vacation. Eeyore's reaction was "I don't see why you would do that." I told her why -- I want to do something to make this place LOOK nicer for the kids. It's not that fucking hard to figure out... except maybe if you're her. I emailed OFL with all of the suggestons, he okayed things, and is going to attempt to get us some paint and order area rugs over the summer. We'll see. I duct-taped about 18 feet of ripped carpet. That was Monday.
Then we have Tuesday morning. I walked in, greeted the Language Arts meeting that was going on in the MCI room (lots of teachers I know), opened the door to the media center, and was confronted by a very irritated-looking OFL, who had a crew of 7 Facilities guys behind him. "She doesn't know where the shelves are going ... FIX THIS." He walked out with smoke coming out his ears. Apparently Eeyore was there solo, and the crew came up to complete the work order before I got there. She apparently was unable to tell them which shelves were being moved, and which were being tossed (a conversation we had had probably eighteen times over the last 2-3 months). OFL came up, and she interrupted the conversation with him to check out books to kids and direct them and ask for passes. He was less than pleased -- not only because she had no clue and the guys were twiddling their thumbs, but because she was ignoring him and couldn't seem to be capable of telling the kids they would have to wait a few minutes. I know all this because I got called down to his office after the crew finished what they had to do.
Long story short -- they tossed what we asked them to toss, and they moved the giant shelving unit over in front of 217's windows. Big improvement overall -- not only do we have more and better display space, but we've now freed up the back area for the new reading furniture.
The LA meeting kept having tech difficulties, so I spent the majority of my day troubleshooting and getting interrupted.
Today, I had my new classes (mostly good, looks like 3 serious sped and 4 fazools in 7th period). Got grades done except for one weird twitch that guidance will have to solve. Eeyore came to me as I was putting my kids into the typing program and announced that she'd brought in her laptop and she definitely had dreamweaver on it (hurray, we've only been waiting since November for this). She started talking about the 8th grade index page that she hasn't started yet, and said she thought I should make my own. I told her no, she had agreed to do it, and she could organize it any way she saw fit. I told her as soon as she had the page setup done, I'd give her the typed lists of kids' names and topics, and when she was ready she could have my flash drive with all the files to link. She wanted me to contact BottleBrush downtown and review uploading directions, but I told her I wasn't going to do that until we were ready to upload something -- no point in asking for the directions again and then waiting a couple more weeks (cough cough) to try and upload when it's not fresh in your mind. She seemed to agree with that. She asked me to do my own page again, and I told her no, that was her project. Who KNOWS when she will actually get started with this. While I was in with my classes, our new reading spc. came up to look at the cart of books for her booktalk, and Eeyore decided to look over the books with her. What she didn't know was that only one side of the cart was for that booktalk -- I had pulled the other side for my lovely neighbor's classes. SO... Eeyore decided to take books off my cart without consulting me ... which means I now have more to do tomorrow.
Our intrepid J down in the office gave me the updated printout of our account so we know how much we can spend on furniture. Aunty M in Boston is working on good options for us. Eeyore agreed to schedule a field trip to Home Depot to investigate rug possibilities 2/5. I duct-taped another 15 feet or so of ripped carpet today. The safe arrived today. That should be a fun conversation tomorrow. SSChief2B asked me to go to Washington with the 8th graders the week of May 1, Tues-Fri. SM should be able to pull that off. He has been amazingly supportive since I came home talking about the bookfair issues. Hope that continues.
OFL dumped one more thing on my plate today -- a semi-retired resident who has written a YA novel (unpublished, still in manuscript form) and wants feedback. I got it today, she'll be in VT until Sunday, and I promised I would call her on Monday. Thank you sir may I have another. Actually, it could be good -- I don't know, it's just been such a jampacked week so far that I think I don't quite have the patience. I have a to-do list on my desk a mile long for the next two days. I think I need to go hide.

OFL Redux

2007-01-18T08:46:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was busy as hell. Eeyore and I never got to say two words to each other -- one or both of us were busy every single period of the day. So, the guilt trip conversation didn't happen, and won't today either -- have to wait until tomorrow since I am out on my scheduled comp day today. She left early to go to the PLP session at the high school (the one she announced she was not prepared for the other day) so of course the inventory got put off -- again.
I got a couple emails from Jenny over at Just Books, and it looks like we can host one of the authors she has coming. I went down to check the schedule for the dates on her list, and OFL called me into his office when he saw me walk into the main office at 3:30.
The first thing he said "Now I know what you're talking about with her." Eeyore came in to see him at some point during the day to ask him to sign her personal day form. She wanted to take her personal day the day before Feb. vacation because she had scheduled flights out of town for that day. He told her personnel would never approve that because it was to extend a vacation, and that it wasn't going to happen. She kept asking him what to do, what to do, and he said he knew she was fishing for him to tell her to call in sick that day. He said he kept putting it back on her "I can't tell you what to do - you have to decide what to do. This is up to you." She apparently turned to walk out, he went back to whatever paperwork was on his desk, and she turned around, came right back in, and started the same conversation over again. As if the answer was somehow going to be different!
After he told the story, I looked at him and said, "So I'm not crazy!" He chuckled, and said, "No, never thought that, but now I know what you're dealing with up there." I told him that she had (as far as I could tell when I was passing by) been doing well helping the 7th grade classes with a lesson on using the online works consulted generator today -- there are some things that she is perfectly capable of handling. His response was "That's nice, but we have a lot more going on than that, and we need people who can handle things. I need you to be happy up there -- you work hard, you've done a great job getting things in shape, and I don't want you thinking that Central looks a whole lot better than this." It's nice to know that someone recognizes the amount of effort I've been putting into the place. He asked if I knew if anything was wrong at home for her, and I said she really avoided talking about home most of the time, so I had no idea.
Basically, I have to send her a specific email asking her to get the index page done for the kids' websites. If it's not done soon, then I should send another email asking for the same thing, and copy Asst OFL Who Works. That's kind of dropping the hammer hard, but he said I need to start a paper trail with this, and AOFLWW is her evaluator (and mine). He thinks eventually we will have to have a meeting to ask her why she isn't doing what she should be doing. Frankly, by that point, I doubt I'll have to say a word if there's a paper trail of things she hasn't done -- and the way she reacts under the least pressure, she'll hang herself in six minutes or less.
Honestly, at this point, I'm seriously hoping that I get asked to go to Washington with the 8th grade this spring. Any chance I have to get out of there will be a good thing.
Today I'm planning to go to the hardware store for a couple things, and then come home and read all day. I had some books here, and I brought home a big stash so I'd have choices. The 4th Traveling Pants is first in line!

An Answer That's No Answer At All

2007-01-16T21:16:00.000-05:00

Today was very good on some fronts. My friend Mary, who is working on her masters in instructional technology plus media specialist degrees at Fairfield Univ started a 15 week internship with us today. She has done some really interesting grad school projects (including matching up GPS curriculum standards with appropriate current reference books), so I am really looking forward to having her with us. I need to get her times to go over to CMS and WMS to look at their facilities, definitely watch the Hobbit in action in booktalks and maybe storytelling if that falls on the right days, and maybe go watch the Fisherman teach a couple classes to get a sense of how things are similiar/different in different schools. Definitely have to introduce her to Christopher Robin downtown too. Mary will be done a year from now, so there may well be opportunities coming up -- the Hobbit will be retiring about then.
Mary's son Jackson was in Jake's preschool class, and he's big on the Pokemon nonsense too, so we definitely have to get the boys together for a couple playdates.

Went and spent 45 minutes in OFL's office this afternoon to talk over options of what to do about the Eeyore situation. As the title says, it was the answer that wasn't an answer. I told him about the conversation we had, that it was disturbing to me, and that I wasn't sure how I was supposed to work as a partner with someone that I really felt I couldn't trust (in terms of not hesitating in the least before throwing my ass under the bus). He seemed pretty shocked by that. She blew me off again this afternoon for the inventory we both agreed needed doing -- Friday it was the playdate, today it was some nebulous "appointment". She left at 2:45. She did arrive early today to cover the AM shift because Kanga was out for a comp day, but I had told her Friday we REALLY needed to do the inventory today if she wasn't staying to do it Friday. I know she has a reading PLP tomorrow, for which she has not read the book (announced that today with the usual "oh well, someone else will have read it" attitude). I am sure that will preclude her doing anything requiring responsibility once again. I told him she had found three checks from staff for bookfair, told me that they were in the drawer first thing this morning, but had not bothered to bring them down to Joan herself for deposit. I had asked Joan if she'd come down with anything, and the answer was no. I suspect Eeyore doesn't want her name on any deposits.
OFL thought that I should continue to try to make things work as a partnership, starting with a guilt trip tomorrow about how she blew me off two afternoons running to do something we'd both agreed was necessary and we should do together, and how if this is a real partnership then she has to pick up her end of the stick and get a move on. Beyond that I am supposed to keep track of what she actually does (shades of Cynthia) and what I do. This should be a lot of fucking fun. He told me I am a "big personality" and maybe she thinks she is overshadowed by me, so maybe I should be encouraging teachers to ask her to do things for them. I'm honestly not sure who to ask -- I have teachers who have specifically said they do not want to deal with her. He did say that perhaps she might be better suited at a more limited level (read: different level school), but that we should make every effort to work this out.
If that doesn't work --well, I asked him to think about how what the line in the sand was going to be ... how much is too much. I hope we don't go there, but after what the Good Doctor put me through at CMS, I need him to know I have limits as to what I will put up with. I don't know where the line in the sand is yet for me, but I know it's not too far off.
Weird tidbit of the day -- In college, OFL dated Eeyore's sister (a very successful school administrator now, who according to OFL receives rave reviews for everything she does). She never mentioned to him while they were dating that she even had a sister. Hmmmmmm. Anyone else think the shrinks would have a field day with this one????

Equal Partnership My Ass: A Really Long Bitch

2007-01-12T23:43:00.000-05:00

How do you deal with the knowledge that a colleague would sell you out in a heartbeat? I have to figure out the answer to this one, and damned soon, so I can manage to keep doing my job in a professional manner.

When I took this job, the discussion I had with my dear friend and now downtown boss was that the job parameters were slightly altered: instead of one "head" position and one junior position, the two media specialists were to be as equal partners as we could manage, splitting duties as practically as possible and sharing responsibilities. The discussions I had with Eeyore led me to believe this was a workable situation where we could ebb and flow whatever we had to do and attempt to balance work life with the needs of our young families. Sounds good, right? I thought so.

And then we have the truth, or what nobody really told me.

That fantasy of a workable situation was dependent on both of us being willing and capable of making decisions and actually acting upon them to effect the changes in the media center that we had discussed and agreed were in the best interests of the students and staff. That doesn't happen. Read: I would have to set her ass on fire to get her to 1. decide to sit down and 2. then DO IT.
The building administrators were apparently not let in on the idea that the media specialist jobs would be on equal footing, not "head" and "junior". Since I replaced the "head" they automatically think of and have actually referred to me as the "head". I did try to correct that early on, but they looked at me like I was nuts and told me that was the job in this building. The jealousy factor that goes along with this is intense, and it seems to bother her even more that I really couldn't give two shits about being "head" in anyone's eyes. This seems exceptionally bizarre to me right now, given what happened this week. I've still been trying to make this work as a partnership even though it's like trying to nail Jello to a tree.
I was told early on by my predecessor that Eeyore had difficulty following through with anything other than teaching classes and showing up for lunch duty. Eeyore assured me that she wanted very much to do more but had been stymied by the imposing and controlling personality whom I replaced. I actually bought that. More fantasy.

In reality, if I need to make sure that something gets done I have got to do it myself. The staff will often refuse to deal with her because her performance is so poor. They have described her using the words "uninspiring", "learned helplessness", "dull" and "boring." I have had staff remove the signup schedules from the desk, come find me, and ask me to do booktalks or help them with something, but only if she is not involved. I have attempted to get her to participate in booktalks and do "tandem" ones where I do some books and she does some books, but that has been a raging disaster because she doesn't read. How the hell you can be a media specialist and not read at least a couple books a month I don't know. We're talking YA novels, not goddamn rocket science.

The last tandem booktalk we did was in November, three periods for one teacher's classes, and she refused to pull the cart with me, and then told me she didn't know any of the books. I asked her to add whatever she liked that she thought was appropriate, smiled and walked away. She refused to participate in the first two booktalks -- but she listened to what I booktalked and how I did it. I had to go into the lab to teach my class the period of the last booktalk, and the teacher came to me afterward and complained that she only talked briefly about the books she had heard me booktalk during the previous two periods. Aside from the lukewarm response from the class toward the books, the main problem was that there were few copies left of the ones I had talked about already, so the kids were left to rummage through the cart and try to figure out if anything else might interest them. The teacher was adamant that we should not do this again. When I was out sick, there were three booktalks she was forced to do on her own, and again it was a flaming disaster. I had scheduled them with the teacher just before vacation, and had planned to pull the cart the first day we were back to school. The cart was pulled not based on the teacher's requests but on an old list with the core book's title at the top, left by my predecessor. The titles were old, many not appropriate to the teacher's aims for the classes (both in terms of subjects that didn't match her requests and reading levels that were far too easy), and the few that Eeyore was apparently ready to booktalk were the sequels to the core novel that the students had not yet read -- and it is more than crucial to read those in order. It was utterly ridiculous. My substitutes all week did her lunch duties, other than the one every other day where the administrators have us doing lunch duty at the same time in different cafeterias. I got called at home to update the website for my principal, and when I logged on to do what he asked, I saw that she had made a mess of the front page by just copying and pasting straight from the daily email announcements without editing or condensing, or using pdf links for more extensive announcements. I'm home sick, loopy from the steroids and I have to do this????

Eeyore came in on Monday and brought a teakettle from home -- told me that our aide, whose kitchen is now completely demolished, took the electric teapot (which was hers) home so she could boil water. Eeyore told me that the kettle had been a wedding present, and that she had never used it (it was in the box -- a basic copper-bottom Revereware kettle ... for the stove). I didn't say anything about it, and thought it was a little odd. She proceeded to wash the kettle, leave it on the counter, and then about 20 minutes later announced "Oh! This isn't an electric one!" I was at my desk and couldn't see her behind the circ desk back wall, so I have no idea what finally tipped her off. This is someone who is supposed to be a technology resource for the staff??

Since the beginning she has been insisting that we both had to do things and both make decisions. This has consistently been unworkable. We discussed weeding the collection over the summer before the previous school year finished, and she told me she wasn't going to come in to do any work at all over the summer -- she needed to clean her closets at home. I told her the exact dates I was planning to weed, since I had two weeks of both my little guy in camp and Sadie in daycare four days a week, and I told her if she wanted to join me or come drop in at any point she was more than welcome, and she said that was great idea and that it was nice that I was willing to do that since she wasn't. I weeded over 4,000 ancient and decrepit books over a course of about four weeks (did some therapeutic "get something done" time when my parents arrived and my mother-in-law was at the end). When I told her what I had accomplished in a phone call (which was originally to tell her I was taking the first two days of the school year off for bereavement since my mother-in-law had just died), she sounded miffed and ended the conversation. She called back ten minutes later and screamed at me and told me off for doing it. Her exact words were "It's not YOUR library!" WhaFuck? My response was to tell her "We discussed this in June. You knew what I was going to do, you knew when I would be there to do it, and you chose not to participate or even drop by to see how or what I was doing. We made the decision, I chose to follow it and you chose not to help." She kept repeating "What makes you think you can just come in and do that? It's not your library!" (Like I'm some janitor who would rather throw out the books than dust the shelves???) I think I repeated my response about five times. It took everything I had in me to keep my voice calm and professional. She ended in a huff, telling me that we had a major communication problem and we were going to have to deal with this as soon as I got back. When I got back to work, she mentioned that we had to discuss communication several times, but when I actually said "Fine, how about right now? We have time" she wouldn't actually talk about it -- just kept repeating that we have to communicate better.

Every single thing that anyone has asked me to learn to do or participate in (the webmaster duties, managing the website for the school, booktalks, workshops, meetings, consultations etc) Eeyore has gotten upset/miffed/huffy about: "Well why wasn't I asked to ...? You know this is supposed to be equal." However, by the same token, when I have made sure to include her immediately in discussions or requests, her response has been an unfailing, "Oh, you can do that. I really haven't done/read/whatever and you have." I have been telling her from the get-go that I DON'T CARE who people are asking to do things -- if she wants to do things, that's fine, but the bottom line is things have to get done. Looking back it's almost a paranoid-style response from her when she thinks I am somehow "getting" to do more than she is or that people ask me first and not her first, or don't make sure to ask us together or whatever. She pops up, usually starts off in a normal voice, but descends very quickly into a whiny-sounding harangue thaqt at this point I can't even listen to -- all I hear when she starts is "mememememememe". When I get asked to do something, I tell her about it as soon as is practical. I'm not interrupting her class or marching down to the caf to find her on lunch duty so that I can get her paranoid responses any faster.

We had a fairly serious difficulty just this week that required both of us to sit down and try to figure out what had gone awry. We decided that one of the solutions we would put in place now would be to purchase a small, relatively inexpensive combination safe. When the P.O. went down to the office, I was called down to explain the reasons why we needed such an item. This was during Eeyore's class. I decided to go down and be completely honest and take responsibility for what had occurred. I sat down with our fearless leader in his office to explain the situation in its entirety. When I sat down with him and explained the problem, the first thing I said after the explanation was "I'm responsible for this. I did things the way we have always done them, and trusted that it would be just fine. It wasn't." The discussion then went into all the possible variables, and the fact that there were so many major variables that there really was no viable solution. About that time, Eeyore walked in and said "Is this a meeting I should be at?" (As if I'm leaving her out on purpose) I told her that I was explaining our situation to our fearless leader, at which point she interrupted to announce that she had just brought down and deposited the exact amount of lost book monies we had collected since the beginning of school, and that she wasn't sure if the district could tell that we should have done that, but that she thought we should have the exact amounts recorded. This really wasn't what we were discussing, but I let it go because she was getting higher-pitched and more strident sounding. Then she said she had to go to lunch duty and left. OFL didn't quite know what to make of that. I left after telling him that I was planning to research different options and figure out some way to use the technology we have available to prevent the situation in the future. He was not pleased, but he was not angry with me. After I finished lunch duty, Eeyore found me near my desk, got close to me and said quietly, so what did you say to OFL? I told her that I gave him the facts, the variables, explained the problem, and that I told him I was responsible for this. The relief the came over her was palpable -- she actually thought that I was in there selling her out. The first thing out of her mouth was "Oh, GOOD!" I was aghast at her reaction and what she was continuing to say to me. She really thought I was in there dumping the blame on her. I couldn't even respond other than "WHAT?" The thought never entered into my mind to even consider doing such a thing... but apparently it did for her.

A later conversation with OFL made it clear that if the situation continued without change, all three of our jobs (his, mine and Eeyore's) were potentially in jeopardy as the district's expansion of some big brotherish software is coming sometime in the next few months. I made it very clear to him that I would not under any circumstance allow things to continue as is, and that I would ensure that this never, ever happened again. Again, he was very matter-of-fact with me, not angry. I believe that it was because I was thoroughly honest about things, answered all questions without hedging, and took immediate responsibility without being forced to do so. Though I believe Eeyore is an honest person, I cannot now say that she is capable of the latter two items in that last sentence. I decided to tell her what else OFL had said this afternoon once all the students had left, and her reaction was even worse than before. She actually said "I don't see why I should be held accountable -- I never had to deal with this before and I wasn't responsible for this at all." I said "We are both media specialists up here and we were both responsible for taking care of the situation." Her response was to just repeat that she didn't see any reasons why she should be accountable for any of it, it wasn't her fault, and why was I telling her this now anyway?

Damned if you communicate, damned if you don't. My junior high gym teacher, Mama Roe, used to holler at us "You cain't have yo' cake and eat it too!" I wish she'd show up and bellow that at Eeyore a few times. She had a great scaryass don'tfuckwithme voice.

Right now the one thing I know for certain is that I cannot depend upon her to be responsible for anything of consequence that I could also be held accountable for. I can't trust her. I don't know how to work with someone I truly do not trust. I've worked with people who were assholes, people I genuinely did not like, people who had major life situations that made them unreliable, but I cannot think of a single person I have ever worked with whom I distrusted this much. I do believe that if I had been teaching and she had been called down to explain, that she would have blamed it all on me. I don't believe that OFL would have necessarily bought that, but the idea that ducking all responsibility and assigning blame elsewhere would have very likely been her first response is pretty much a death blow to this "equality" business. After talking with my hubby, who was concerned enough about the situation to actually listen to me and try to help me sort out my options, I know that I need to discuss this with OFL as soon as practical next week (Tues, or Wed latest) and find way to make absolutely certain that my ass is convered and she has no possible options for any actions that would result in ME getting called on the carpet or worse.
And I return to my original question - how do I deal with knowing that she'd throw me under the bus without a second thought, and still manage some kind of professional/working relationship?

What IS it about men and illness???

2007-01-04T09:31:00.000-05:00

My cold from last week got significantly worse over the New Year's weekend, and I woke up at 4am Tuesday with my arm glued to me face from the discharge coming out of my eyes. Thank you, bacterial conjunctivitis. Went to see my favorite doc, and Jimmy told me that my lungs were also full of crap, which was why it was painful to take a deep breath, my temperature and my white count were both up, and the conjunctivitis was bacterial, likely from the infection that was already in my lungs and working on becoming pneumonia. Great. I can't go back to work until Monday because I'm officially contagious, I'm on all kinds of meds now, and the steroids he gave me to help clear out my lungs are making me absolutely nuts. I haven't slept more than 3 hours straight in two days, and when I do sleep I have the most bizarre and unsettling dreams, so I'm not feeling rested at all.
Add to all this my incredibly asanine husband, who apparently thinks that because I don't have to go to work, I should be able to do all sorts of things. When I asked him to pick up milk for the kids, his answer was "Why can't you do it?" When I told him (again) that I was sick and contagious, and trying to avoid contact with people, he sighed, and acted annoyed and put out. I called Mal to ask him to pick up the kids for me Tuesday, and when he knew he wouldn't be back in time, he called me and asked, "Why can't Steven do it?" My response was "Right. That's not going to happen." I don't know what he said to Steve, but I know he called him, and Steve came home early and picked up the kids. Unfortunately, whatever he said to him didn't stick. Yesterday I asked him if he would pick up the kids, and he said if he got home early. I assumed this meant that he would if he got home in time. He got home at 4:00, laid down on the bed upstairs, and when I asked when he was leaving to get the kids, he said "I thought you were going to do it." When I reminded him that he had in fact gotten home in time, he snapped, "I don't feel like it, okay? Why can't you do it?" He doesn't seem to care that I'm sick and exhausted. I ended up going to pick up the kids, and when I got home I ignored him and went upstairs and passed out for two hours. You would think that he would have at least have had some thought that I was getting behind the wheel of the Tahoe -- the most expensive thing we own other than the house, and he would have at least have been concerned that something might happen to the truck.
This morning he sighed and asked me "how are you feeling?" When I said that I felt like shit and that I hadn't slept more than three hours at a stretch in two days, he said nothing and just walked out the door. I've had thoughts of calling the locksmith and getting the locks changed and throwing his clothes into the driveway, but he wouldn't even know why. It drives me crazy because when he gets sick, the world stops on a dime, and he goes to bed and expects me to do everything for him. When I get sick, he gets annoyed that I even ask him to do anything. When he asks how I am, it comes across like he thinks he HAS to ask the question but doesn't give a shit about the answer. If I tell him anything about symptoms or how I feel, he doesn't respond other than looked irritated or annoyed. How is it that he can be so goddamn unsympathetic and incapable of any empathy whatsoever? Every time this happens I have this thought that if I ever have something truly go wrong with me, like God forbid, getting cancer or something else serious like that, he will be an utter hindrance to treatment and recovery.

Out With the Old, In With the New

2006-12-31T23:09:00.000-05:00

Happy 2007 ... less than an hour to go for 2006, and I am glad to see this one go. May this year bring greater peace, kindness, and a balance of happiness to us all.
I have been now four days off the ADs, and I seem to be doing well so far. I have been down with a nasty cold for the last 36 hours or so, and have spent the time either wondering why in the hell Steve can't seem to handle two kids on his own when he expects me to be able to manage at the drop of a goddamn hat, or wondering how I got through the last year, and what I want the next year to be like.
How did I get through the last year? Let's see ... a lovely combination of alcohol and antidepressants for the most part, some inner stamina, and a sturdier bit of backbone that I wasn't sure I had. How about the next year? Maybe a bit of better planning, definitely less of the alcohol and hopefully none of the antidepressants. I've decided I will only go back to those as a last resort. They weren't bad for me; on the contrary, it was all too easy to take one a day and let that give me the patience I need for dealing with all the bullshit in my life. I guess I need to see if I can deal with all this myself.
I need to start taking care of myself. I missed the appointment with the cardiologist for my stress test, and I have to go get my cholesterol checked again in February. Jimmy's going to fuss at me if I haven't had the stress test by then. Guess my comp day will be a med day after all. I've been thinking that I should maybe go over and use the treadmill a couple times a week. I can't seem to get any exercise in any other way ... maybe there with something for the kids to do I could manage it. I know I need it.
Steve's mad about Mal's girlfriend. I need to talk to both of them about that, and I have no idea how to go about it. The dinner we had was lovely, but the repercussions later were not. It wasn't even technically about hat -- he was officially mad because I went back out after dropping off the sitter to spend another hour or two socializing with them at Uncle Mike's house in Stamford ... something he would have done himself, and has done many times in the past, left me home with the kids to go do something else after dinner is over and done. He was just mad because there is a new person in the mix, and she by her simple presence makes things damnable difficult for him. I hope we can come to some balance with this too.

Trial By Fire (Lite)

2006-12-28T11:23:00.000-05:00

We'd made plans to all go out for dinner , and then we got the news that Nan's friend Lulu V had died, so we ended up going to the wake before we went out for dinner. It was old school Italian, open casket and the whole nine yards. I don't do that very well, but it wasn't too awful. Mal and Steve and I went together. Steve and I went on to Val Bella, and Mal went back to his house to pick up Karen. We sat in the bar for a little while until everyone else (Mal and Karen, Mike, and U.J.) got there. Dinner was very nice. I had the stuffed zucchini blossom appetizer, and it was wonderful. Everyone else had shellfish appetizers, so I didn't share with anyone. I had a filet, Steve had a rigatoni dish, Mike had fish, Mal had pork tenderloin. I didn't see what U.J. and Karen had because the table was pretty crowded and it was hard to see their side. Karen and I both had chocolate souffle for dessert, and it was divine. All of my boys behaved themselves. Steve even went to Macy's and bought a new outfit -- new sports jacket, nice shirt and tie, and new pants. He looked great! Mike looked like a schlub (had on an old polo shirt, no jacket).
After dinner, Steve drove home, and then I took Alice home and went over to Uncle Mike and Aunt Deb's to meet everyone and be social for a bit. They were all surprised when I walked in the door -- I never get to do that kind of thing! I'm always the one staying home with the kids. But Steve didn't want to come because he had to get up and go to work. It was fun, and I ended up staying until after midnight. U.J. is a little upset about this whole Karen business still.
I'm hoping things will slow down some after New Year's. I'm thinking about asking Mal if he would like to go with me and the kids (and maybe Mike and the kids too) somewhere during February vacation, maybe down to Disney for a couple days or something like that. I think he needs to spend some time with them, more than just an hour here or there. I hope he'll go for that. February is slow for him.
Steve said he would like to go to Louisiana in April, so I need to hunt up tickets for that and make sure Kristen and Danny are still on for the dates. Also talked to Kathy, and I may take a personal day mid-January and go see them in Boston. Jerome will be home for a few weeks then, but she has a business trip to Boston the week of the 14th, so he is coming with her. I thought I might take the kids and go stay one night there and take the kids and Jerome to the aquarium or the children's museum there -- something fun like that. She invited us down in the summer, too, so we talked about me and the kids coming for a week or so -- and me taking off for a couple days to go meet Steve in Vegas if Mom will come down and help Kathy and Jerome. Hopefully that will work out.

January Here We Come

2006-12-26T09:07:00.000-05:00

Well, Christmas is over and done with. We survived all four rounds: Christmas Eve morning opening the gifts from my family, Christmas Eve at my father-in-law's, Christmas morning here, and Christmas dinner here. Steve once again wins the prize for toy purchases: a Homer Simpson-themed "Operation" game, otherwise known as "Junior Spanish Inquisition" for the way Homer howls and screams every time Sadie takes a stab at him, and a completely realistically ugly baby chimp doll that responds to sound and make chimp noises and moves (scares Sadie every time).
On the better side, he got Sadie the Dora castle, and Jake got a new backpack full of Pokemon cards and a child-size real guitar. Unfortunately, the instructions for tuning that would only have been less helpful had they been in Chinese, so we have to go to the music store in town sometime today and see if they have a better set of instructions and "how to play" books. Either that or I'll call Marie and see if she can help.
The kids got lots of wonderful goodies from Granny and Papa and the aunts and uncles, too -- lots of toys and games and fun stuff. Kathy apparently went to Target after Halloween and bought up the leftover costumes to send Sadie for dressup, and she found some really cute little suitcases and a giant hatbox to hold them all. There are accessories out the yingyang -- and sparkle shoes to boot! Jake's suitcase was full of art supplies, which he absolutely loved, and he was thrilled to get the Cranium Hullabaloo game from Granny and Papa.
Christmas Eve on North Street was somewhat stressful. Mike and I did the cooking, as Mal didn't make it home from dropping Karen back in NJ until after everyone else had arrived. He was tired and semi-hungover, which didn't help. Steve was cranky and when I went out to the garage to refill my wine glass, he followed me out and barked at me "You better not get drunk." I put the glass down, told him he couldn't talk to me like that, and he could damn well keep the glass. I should have thrown it at him, but I didn't want to make a scene. I went in and sat down in the living room with Sadie and decided to put another coat of nail polish on. He came in, brought me the glass now full of wine, and I told him he was rude and mean and I didn't want it. He didn't apologize to me until after we had opened up all the kids' gifts and I had taken the kids downstairs to see the tea house and the fort I built and painted for them. Those were the hit of the evening -- the kids loved them. I actually forgot to have them open up the dressup closet! That will be a New Year's gift for them. Mike and I decided to exchange the rest of the gifts for the kids after they get back from Boston. Mike gave me a pair of earrings, and Mal gave me a beautiful ring and earring set that he bought in St. Martin. He told me he thought it looked like the islands -- it's a wavy white gold design, with alternating diamonds and multicolor sapphires (pink, yellow and greenish blue). Steve gave me the matching necklace Christmas morning. Christmas morning with the kids was fun, and Mal came over to see the kids. He didn't eat because he wasn't feeling well. I told him he'd feel better if he quit trying to singlehandedly support the Chianti industry. He smiled, and fell asleep on the couch sitting up. Steve made a wonderful dinner later in the day, and I had all my boys at the table except Owen. Mike only stayed with them for about 2 hours in the morning -- he had planned on being there most of the morning, and then things didn't go well and that didn't work out. We talked about doing things differently next year for Christmas ... ie he will wear a decent shirt for Christmas Eve, he wants to have his own Christmas with his kids, Mal will not be allowed to go out carousing the day and night before a holiday and has to be over his hangover, Steve can't be an asshole, etc.
We're going out to Val Bella for dinner on Wed night with Mike, Mal, U.J., BettyAnn and Karen, so that should be nice. I hope. Mal and Karen are going down to Harrah's in Atlantic City for New Year's, so they should have a very nice time. We're doing a grand total of nothing again this year ... doubt we'll even see the ball drop.

Joining the list of things I never want to do again...

2006-12-18T20:26:00.000-05:00

We've been trying to correct Sadie's habit of getting up in the middle of the night and demanding to come sleep in our bed. Thus, we've been letting her yowl a bit when she wakes up, and if nobody shows up, she tends to play with the stuffed animals and books in her bed until she falls back to sleep. So far, so good, right? Last week when she had a cold we had the Benadryl out at night so she would breathe better and sleep better. I thought the top was on tight, and it was up out of reach. Think again.

Joining the list of things I never want to do again: taking a hallucinating two-year-old to the ER. My chance at the Mother of the Year Award is completely shot to hell now.

Last night (this morning) she got up and started yowling a little about 4:15 or 4:20. After a few minutes she started talking to herself, and I dozed off again. I woke up at about 4:40 when she started yelling "Sticky! Sticky!" which is definitely NOT normal. I found her sitting in her bed, covered in Benadryl with and empty bottle and the top right next to her. I asked her if she drank any and she said yes -- but with an 8-oz bottle about 2/3 full, there was no way to tell just how much she actually ingested. Steve cleaned her up and I went hunting for the ipecac and charcoal, which were nowhere to be found. We still don't know where the first aid box went. I hunted for about ten minutes and then went up and told Steve I was taking her to the ER. He went to look for the first aid kit while I was throwing on clothes and getting Sadie into warmer pajamas -- he didn't find it either.
The ER was whopping busy (couple car wrecks and a lot of espanol going on), so Sadie and I sat in the triage room for about 45 minutes waiting for a nurse. She started twitching, and got pretty bug-eyed during that time, and after the nurse arrived, took her vitals and put all the relevant info into the computer, Sadie was looking fairly stoned. It was far too late for ipecac or charcoal at that point, since the medication was liquid and was already well in her system. The doc who came to see us put her on a heart monitor and had the nurses put in an iv line and draw some blood. They had to tape her entire right arm to a padded board to protect the iv line. Apparently since we didn't know exactly how much Benadryl she got, there was no way to know if she was going to cross the line into seizure territory -- thus the iv line at the ready in case they had to administer anti-seizure meds. That was delightful, as were the two times they had to take her temperature rectally. After that, the stickies holding the heart monitors to her chest were nothing.
We stayed in the ER for 6 hours, during which time her heart went racing several times and she hallucinated on and off for about 4 hours. She started off waving her hands in front of her face and telling me there were goldfish flying in her face, then later pointing to an empty wall in the room and telling me to go sit on the couch, then telling me a few times that Daddy was at the door (no one was there), and she spent some time having conversations with people who weren't there ( Miss Natacha, her teacher, Alice the babysitter, and Jake, who got yelled at for changing the channel on the TV, except he wasn't there and the DoodleBops were singing happily the whole time -- not even a commercial). She was also twitching a lot, like when you're just falling asleep and your whole body jerks. She definitely wasn't sleepy, so it was really weird to watch her do that. She was too dizzy to sit or stand, so she spent virtually all of that time on my lap. A volunteer brought us a breakfast tray with coffee (I drank) and orange juice (Sadie drank), and some other less than memorable breakfast items that neither of us wanted.
After they cleared her to go home (heart rate back down to 120s consistently, not hallucinating (or at least talking about it) and minimal shaking), we drove home, had lunch and she went down for a 3 1/2 hour nap. Steve came home with a cold, and I took a nap before I went to go pick up Jake. She was fine after her nap and a warm bath, and we are all relieved that this ended well.
I made sure to check caps on all the medicine bottles we have, and made sure they were all put up higher than before.

Dear Santa

2006-12-15T22:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Santa,
9 days to go, so I figure this is enough warning. Can you just fast forward me to January? The kids are so looking forward to your visit, and I keep putting on the sorority smile about the whole shebang. All I want for Christmas is to not have to deal with any of the grownups I am related to by marriage. If you can't send me ahead to January, can you send all of them to somewhere waythehellfargone? Several different somewheres would be ideal. And if you leave me with all the kids, make sure and leave a bonus for our beloved cleaning lady (or send the elves over for the magical mystery cleanup).
I think this is the first Christmas I am really not enjoying at all, and worse, dreading.
Now, for the radio station that is playing a near-constant barrage of Christmas/holiday tunes, I have the beginnings of a variation on Santa Baby. It's a work in progress.

Santa baby,
slip a chainsaw under the tree
For me
To use upon my no-good (insert relative-in-law here)
I've been an awful good girl
So hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby,
a reinforced Humvee to schlep the body out to the dump
that chump
I'll wait up for you dear
So hurry down the chimney tonight!

Come and stuff my stocking tight
With those goggles that can see in the night
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me too
Ba-Doopy-Do

Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A string
nice and strong for a good-size garrotte
Why not?
Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight!
Hurry down the chimney tonight!

Done:

Shopping is done
Christmas cards are done and mailed
packages sent
teacher gifts gotten

Still to Do:

wrapping -- nighttime garage activity
finish painting the playhouse
make the cinnamon rolls for the neighbors and us
make a shopping list for Mal/Mike for Christmas Eve dinner
make sure we have vegetables and dessert for Christmas Day

Up and Down .. and Back Up Again

2006-11-24T22:01:00.000-05:00

After yesterday and today, I decided to go ahead and get the last refill of my double-dose ADs. I really thought that the shit wouldn't hit the fan until much closer to Christmas, at which point I had planned to be much more used to the single dose schedule. Best laid plans, eh? Well, shit. I hope this is a whole lot better by the end of December. I really don't want to have to admit to Jimmy that I've done this and worse, that I might need another month or so of higher dose crap. I keep thinking, though, that not only do I need to make sure that I am sane and apparently normal for my own children, but also for Charlotte and Owen ... everyone else (almost) can take a flying leap. All four kids have been through the wringer these last several months (O and C more than anyone) , and they need as normal a Christmas as we can give them. So if it takes pharmaceutical help for me to achieve that this year, so fucking be it.
Had a TMI conversation with my dear FIL today ... took the giant box pieces that Joanne and I will hopefully transform into a fun playhouse for the kids over to his house, and he helped me tuck them into the garage. I asked if he was going south this afternoon, and he got a shy, sheepish look on his face and said, "well, I was thinking about it..." I told him to have a nice trip, and he said, "that's better than BettyAnn telling me to be careful!" and I said, "I don't want to think about whatever Betty's telling you to be careful about!" His response was "Well, the Lexapro pretty much takes care of that so nobody needs to worry." Then we talked a little about the meds -- how I was going to go back to the double dose for a month and then go back down after the holidays, and he said he had tried going off it last week and he decided that was a bad idea, side effects and all. I just hope that this works out for him. Leaving him today I was so very sad, but it was weird -- it wasn't an I'm sad for him kind of thing, it was more an "I'm sad that things are going to be different and I don't know what all this means". Part of me wants to tell him this, but I don't want to burden him, and I don't want him to think I disapprove -- because I definitely don't. That man put in a lifetime's worth of effort and emotion into the last ten or fifteen years, and he deserves every break and wonderful thing there is in life at this point.
Damn, but I need to get my hair done. I haven't been to the salon since July, and my hair looks like absolute shit on a shingle. There's my selfish moment for the week.

The First Thanksgiving

2006-11-24T08:14:00.000-05:00

I have officially survived the first Thanksgiving. It's been a first on several levels -- most importantly, it's the first major holiday since my mother-in-law died in late August. I had this bizarre fear of having to sit in her chair at the end of the table. It was also the first Thanksgiving with Mike there alone. Joanne took the kids to Boston to be with her family, and they will be there a couple days. And finally, it was the first holiday since Mal told us last week that he was seeing a woman whom he had met in Atlantic City. She didn't come up (he had said that that would be too much, and he was right). He had gone down to NJ the night before, and didn't make it back until early afternoon. I called Steve to ask him to bring a few more things over and he actually asked me if his father came back alone -- he was worried about that. I had made the rolls the day before and set them to rise in the fridge overnight, along with cinnamon rolls. Mike and I took care of getting things ready and doing the cooking at the house, while Steve took care of the turkey at our house (fried, of course). Sadie came with me and took a nap there, and Jake came with Steve later. Linda and Steve came with Linda's friend, and U.J. showed up looking like he was headed for the cheap side of Vegas. We had plenty of food, and the kids behaved themselves, so that was good.
Mal is going to St. Maarten to visit Karen, his new lady friend, for 6 days starting on the 3rd or 4th. I told him he wasn't allowed to leave the country until I had the phone number where he would be! He called her to get the number for me, so that was good. He doesn't understand why I was so insistent, and I couldn't talk to him about that yesterday. It's the whole thing with Mom and Dad when he had his heart attack on their trip through Texas, and she didn't call anyone for two days and no one knew where they were until they got transferred to the hospital in Dallas. They scared the crap out of me. I can't deal with people I love traveling and not being able to reach them, or know where they are.
Mike and Mal and I are going Christmas shopping for the kids this next Wed. after work. Maybe if we can get Wayne to come stay with the kids, Steve will come too... he would probably like that. Mike and I talked about Christmas, and we both agreed that whatever happens with the grownups, we need to focus on just making it as normal as possible for the kids ... first Christmas without Mimi, and that was HER holiday. It's going to be rough, especially if we have everyone there, but if they can just behave for 24 hours we'll be fine -- Christmas Eve through Christmas Night. I was hoping Kathy could come up, especially since Jerome will still be away, but she doesn't have any more time off for this year, so that's not going to happen.
Joanne and I talked about making the dressup closet the present for the kids this year. I am going to go check out the Salvation army store in Port Chester and see what kinds of fun dressup clothes they have. I brought home a giant heavy-duty cardboard box from work (we got a big cart for the new laptops) and we are going to paint a playhouse for the kids too. This way we can do some fun things together (for not a lot of cash) and do two big presents to all of the kids.

murphy's lawyer

2006-11-12T20:58:00.000-05:00

The Murphy of the title would be my sister-in-law, who is working on getting a lawyer and ridding herself of my husband's brother. She's been to one, and will be seeing another one hopefully this week. He's moved out, and moved in with my father-in-law. The plan (for what it is at the moment) is for them to both have lawyers and have the lawyers help them find an acceptable mediator, so they don't have to litigate everything. They tried one mediator, who wasn't acceptable to either of them, and they are going to try another one as soon as she finds a lawyer she can work with. The problem is that all their funds are tied up in the house -- which they will have to sell in all likelihood. He seems relaxed about all this, while she is upset and tied up in knots most of the time, and the kids are sometimes a mess. She and I took the three older kids to see Flushed Away on Thurs, and when we left the theater Jake and Owen were walking ahead of us. When I got Jake into the car he said "When are you and Daddy going to get separated?" Trying to explain separation and divorce to a five year old is NOT fun. How do you explain that it happens to some people and not others? How do I assure him that we're not going to do that -- that we are staying together? Eeeuuuwww.
Started a little Christmas shopping this weekend and dropped a bag of games for the kids over at Mal's. It was my excuse to come in and get the Christmas stuff organized and put in the spare room closet. I also took the last couple things that I wanted to put on ebay and get rid of (they're listed, hope they sell so I can be done with it). The one thing I thought I would sell and had second thoughts about was the little Coach bag. I put that away in the closet ... it's not really my style, but maybe Sadie will like it someday.
Looks like Mike will be with us for Thanksgiving. Christmas could possibly include everyone, but we'll see how messy things get between now and then. I'm having more trouble with feeling depressed again ... could be because I cut my dose of AD. I'm waiting to see if this evens out.
I took Thursday off as my first comp day (since they couldn't pay me for the time I put in over the summer working on the library). It was a good day in that I got a lot of things done, like take care of several things at the bank, got my glasses fixed (the solder joint in front is going to self-destruct in a couple months, so I went ahead and ordered another pair), went to get my blood drawn to finish off my bloodwork for my physical, and went to Avrick's in Norwalk where they are having a going out of business sale. I got Sadie a beautiful twin bed, two file cabinets for Jake (so he can have the desktop Pop made me), two end tables for the living room, and two hutch pieces, one for Jake's desk and one for on top of Grandma's buffet so I can display some of our china. All that's getting delivered Tuesday. Hopefully Mal will agree to take care of Sadie's bed and maybe Jake's desk pieces for Christmas. If not, that's okay -- I like what I got.
Talked to my favorite dr this weekend. Apparently my bloodwork came back all reasonably normal except for my cholesterol, which is pretty much through the roof at 235. He wants me to work on my diet for a couple months and come back to see how the numbers are, so I'm in for February. I called Mom because I remembered her cholesterol got out of hand at one point, and it turns out hers was over 400, but that was after her hysterectomy. She didn't know if it was high before, but she suspects it was. Her mother's was always very high also. Great. Dad's is also not good (it's better now that he's on meds for it), and Grandmona's was apparently always high also. On first glance it would seem that genetics are against me, but considering that both my grandmothers lived past 90 (Grandmona almost made it to 100), maybe there are other things at play here also. Can't depend on that though, so if the numbers are still bad in February I'm going to tell Jimmy to just go ahead and give me the lipitor or whatever he recommends.

An All-Day Media Affair

2006-10-23T20:31:00.000-05:00

Today was the annual CECA conference up in Cromwell. I was generally disappointed -- nothing phenomenal in terms of workshops or presentations, although I did like the keynote speaker (David Warnick?) very much. I mostly went to get the iPod they were giving to attendees. Of course, as usual, it's the newly discontinued model, the 1 gig nano, but I was happy to get it as I didn't have one up until this morning. The last workshop I went to was one on blogging, and I found that very interesting.. So, the beginning and the end of the day were good, and then there was the middle, with starving attendees, not enough food from the hotel staff, and quite possibly the worst coffee I've had since my very first attempt to make coffee by myself without any directions. I've since gotten reasonably decent at it -- these people have a LONG ASS way to go. Unfortunately, there was literally nothing else available until we turned in out lunch ticket stubs for a white paper sack lunch and a bottle of water. Jen and I escaped right after lunch and ran away to Dunkin Donuts for a breather.
Mal and Steve managed the kids just fine today, so there is hope that I will be able to do other things like this every now and again.
Tonight I went to Arcadia Coffee Co/Just Books and met Anita Silvey, who has just published a book called 500 Great Books for Teens. She's got another one that's for younger kids, but this one's right up my alley. She was absolutely delightful, and it was such a treat to be able to discuss the books I really enjoy with a new grownup who sees them in the same light. After we discussed the process she went through for her decisions and criteria for which to include, we talked about her next project, which sounds amazing. She is working on a nonfiction book for the middle grades all about the women who dressed as men and fought in the Civil War. She was telling us about her research, and how she has discovered fascinating stories about so many families. Her initial question upon learning that many hundreds of women fought in the war was "Why did they fight?" and she told us that the question quickly became "Why did they stay?" because so many of them stayed with their units for long periods of time, when they could have easily gone home or at least to somewhat safer territory. She also said that she took trips to battle fields and mapped out where the known women soldiers would have been. Wow...
I can't wait to see what she does with this.
I bought copies of her current book for all 3 middle schools and she autographed them for me, so I'll pass those out on Wed.

Mama Ball Says

2006-10-12T20:43:00.000-05:00

Busy as usual. Ran over to CMS today to pick up extra copies of a couple books for our 6th graders to use in research, and hit the jackpot in galleys from Jenny at Just Books. I brought home about 6 or 8 to read, and will send them back over when I'm done.
Looks like some fun stuff in there. I read Knights of the Hill Country by Tim Tharp last night, and I think it will be a hit with our fellas who need good sports books. The voice is pretty authentic -- not what my guys are used to as there is a definite Oklahoma twang to the characters, but I think they will all relate to the issues of friendship, and how far do you go to protect a friend and keep a friend. I know, it's set in OK, so I have a soft spot for that, and the guy who wrote it still lives there (more power to you, honey). But I liked the imagery, and there were several places where the figurative language stopped me and made me re-read just for the pleasure of a well-crafted phrase. I think that's a little unusual in a sports book. Mike Lupica does it well, and I thought John Coy's Crackback was good with that also, but I haven't really seen anything else in that category.
I have lots of reading ahead of me ... I'm actually considering going to see Our Fearless Leader and telling him I want a full day comped to me just so I can sit and read. He owes me a grand total of 48 hours from the summer that he said he could pay me for, and then he couldn't, so he said I could comp out time like that. If he lets me I may do that a couple times this year just to go read and catch up. I definitely have to do that on the Thursdays after Elizabeth has cleaned my house, though -- I can concentrate more and relax if the house is clean. She is an absolute godsend. It makes such a difference in my stress to know that I'm coming home to a house with clean floors and clean bathrooms.
Set up the staff development day today, and hopefully it will go well and everyone will find enough to do. I've got Eeyore and me doing a workshop on new online resources, so that will be good. For once, that's the only one we are doing.
The March Hare has started occasionally finding herself in the Hundred Acre Wood, mostly with Eeyore, and occasionally with Owl (who morphs into Tigger and then back into Owl), and Kanga. Every kid in the school qualifies as her Roo! Christopher Robin shows up also every now and again, but the March Hare has yet to spot a Pooh or a Heffalump (unless Our Fearless Leader counts as the Heffalump ... maybe if Heffalumps have Groucho Marx combovers).

Mama Ball Says

2006-10-08T10:18:00.000-05:00

The trip Jake and I took to Washington DC last weekend for the National Book Festival was fantastic! He was wonderful -- walked everywhere with me, did a LOT more than I thought we'd be able to do, and was generally a great traveling companion. He was excited to be able to stay overnight in a hotel (we stayed at the Capitol Hyatt, which has a great rate for Sat night and was only 3 blocks from the mall). He was so happy to have me all to himself, and also to be able to do whatever we wanted - whenever we wanted! We haven't been anywhere without an agenda or anyone else to worry about in ages, and theat was really good for him.
The National Book Festival was amazing. There were plenty of authors for every age group and genre, and lots of free activities and presentations as well. We came home with a boatload of free posters -- the artwork was wonderful. I definitely want to do that again next year. I told Jake we would definitely go down again, hopefully soon so we can take advantage of the great fall weather, and next time we'll work it out so we can stay with Paul and Kelly and go in with Kelly and Cate.
Yesterday we interred L's ashes at the cemetery. The kids were reasonably well-behaved through most of the ceremony with Father Fred, but they lost it at the end and started running around. Mal didn't take that too well. He was trying so hard to hold it together. We went back to the house and had everyone for lunch ... I guess about 25-30 people. J and I went through the costume jewelry and decided just to move it all into the corner of the closet we are making the "dressup" closet for the kids. I guess at some point we will go through the good jewelry with Mal. I don't know that I want to have any of it for myself, but I would like to pick out some pieces for Charlotte and Sadie to have as graduation/wedding gifts, and maybe some for the boys for when they get married (for our future daughter-in-laws). Still have to finish all the thank you notes. I think I have about 10 or 12 left to do.
Work is going well. It's amazing to me how I'm working harder than I ever did last year, but I'm happier. I think it's because I don't have to worry about getting hit from behind with manic behavior or wonder what's going on that I don't know about (and will have to drop everything and jump in to fix at the last minute). There are issues at work, but they are manageable. Eeyore is still not doing much, but she did get a few things done this week to prepare for the eztraxx nonsense we have coming up early next week. She sent the book order -- didn't really look at it, but she sent it. I started weeding the fiction, and told her to look over what I'd pulled -- and told Kanga to give her four days to look it over and then delete anything left on the cart on Friday. That got done, but I'm not sure she actually looked at anything. I've been doing all the website updates too. That doesn't take much time, but it's something we have to discuss as doing double duty on this isn't going to work out easily. The Boss is supposed to come in from downtown sometime soon to divvy responsibilities. That should be interesting.
Haven't had much time to read lately, but I'm working on Meg Rosoff's new one, Just in Case.

Mama Ball Says

2006-09-27T20:44:00.000-05:00

So far, so good. At least I think. Went to see our beloved doc, Jimmy B, today for the annual physical. Apparently there is something weird with my EKG, so he wants me to go see a heart doc and get it checked out. The guy he recommended is actually moving offices in the next two weeks, so he said an appointment in the next month or so would be good. Obviously I am not going to drop dead or anything, but I didn't really understand 100% of what he was telling me ... something about my heart is not in the right place and has moved toward the left side of my chest and I have some kind of block? Anyway, Jimmy wants me to have a stress EKG (guess that means I have to get on the treadmill and sweat with all those damn wires attached -- should be more fun than a goddamn barrel of monkeys). On the good side, he gave me prescrips for my seasonal allergy meds and asthma meds, so that will get me through the fall. The plan is to get me onto the lower dose of ADs by Nov, and then off them sometime Jan or Feb, depending on how the holidays and other nonsense go. I told him I really don't have time tto screw around -- I have all my fellas to take care of, and my two kids. He just smiles at me. Jimmy's nurse fussed at me because I forgot to fast and therefore couldn't do the blood work for cholesterol because I had treated myself to breakfast at the deli (egg, cheese and bacon sandwich and coffee). Well, shit a brick, Nancy, I never get to have a decent breakfast anymore, and a half hour in the morning with no kids and off work seemed like the perfect time to do just that. So now I have to go back for the flaming bloodwork -- she's there Friday at 8:30, so I'm aiming for that. We'll see -- it'll probably be like the goddamn mammogram which I keep missing for one reason or another. I think Leslie D.'s going to string me up if I miss another year doing that.
iWeb seems like it will be a piece of cake to teach to the 8th grade, so we'll have to fill up the time with other shit. Of course, that's if we can figure out how to upload to the .mac accounts and m,ove all the kids' folders from hither to yon and back. We'll see. Training today with Gary Webster was awesome as usual -- he gives the best, clearest instruction in using software and hardware, and he has handouts that are equally idiot-proof. Very, very nice. My biggest worry for tomorrow is what the hell do I do with the bloody budget for next year!!! Haven't done that before, and the form I got from Ro yesterday doesn't help much. I really, really don't want to fuck this up. Have to go talk to Ro and Ralph tomorrow about all this hoohah, and I have to talk to Gina about which computers are going to bite the dust next year. I don't know how much help C is going to be. We also have to send in the next book order soon as it has several things we really need on it, and if she doesn't look at the damn thing soon I am just going to send it anyway and to hell with the bitch and moan session that will follow. The next big issue will be weeding the fiction section, as I can tell that's not going to happen unless I get after it... and that will be next week's project. Have to talk to Fran about division of responsibilities .. and what happens if things don't get done. I don't want to do everything myself, and I shouldn't have to.
The other irritating thing I have to do is figure out how to write my annual improvement/staff development plan, or whatever weird acronym they've given it this year. Have to do it online this year, and has to be done relatively soon I think. Another "next week" project. I did get my confirmation that I'm off to CECA on the 23rd, which will be lots of fun. We get ipods for going this year, so that's nice.
Decided to take Jake and trot off to DC this weekend. The National book festival is this weekend, and there are going to be lots of fun things going on down at the mall. Kelly and co. are busy with family reunion, so I'm just going to get a room at the capitol hyatt and not worry about it. It's 3 blocks from the mall, so we'll be good. Hopefully Jake will think it's really fun!

Mama Ball Says

2006-09-24T08:22:00.000-05:00

Things are definitely getting better. We are almost done with the web training (only a few stragglers left), everything went well with Eeyore's husband's surgery, and other than having to revise the handouts at least five times, it wasn't horrible... just exhausting. Our next battle is figuring out the curriculum, as we now have WHAT we're supposed to do, but nothing firm on how we're supposed to teach it. Then we have the budget (eeeeuuuuwwww) for next year which has to get done next week. We had our first media staff meeting, and it went pretty well. D is a little out of control sometimes ... haven't figured out how to rein her in yet. Everyone else is doing fine so far.
On the good side, I went over to Kristine's to see the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy with a group of girls from EMS, and we had such fun! I was glad to see they included Joanna, our new ss teacher, who is such fun.
Home is pretty good at the moment. Mal is hanging in there. Steve was in Florida last weekend, and the kids and I ended up staying over at Mal's on Saturday night. He was lonely and didnn't want us to leave and go home ... so we stayed, and he and I stayed up until midnight talking. The nights must be difficult -- nothing to keep you busy. The next family disaster is coming in the next few weeks, I think. Who knows what this will bring.

Mama Ball Says

2006-09-09T14:35:00.000-05:00

Things are getting better, albeit slowly. Jake's first few days at kindergarten were hard for him, mostly because he didn't know anyone, and then his teacher had to be out for two days to get her daughter off to college. This week was much better, though, as he started saying he was finally having fun and managed to figure out how to get his lunch eaten quickly enough! He also started going to the YWCA two afternons a week, and he loves it there. They have a wonderful staff, and he loves the activities (chess and gymnastics right now). Two of his favorite buddies from preschool are also there, along with a lovely little girl from his kindergarten class, and that helps a lot.
Work is overwhelming at the moment. We started off with a completely changed curriculum (and no idea exactly what it was as we didn't get the documentation for a week), a crash course in website management using the new system (happened yesterday), and we have to get the entire faculty trained to use it and post homework by the 25th. And we have to actually start updating the website also. Add to this C's husband is having some kind of surgery which will keep him in the hospital for basically all of next week, so she will be out at least 2 days, possibly more, plus I am sure more once he arrives home to recuperate. It looks to me like training the faculty will be 90% on my shoulders, if not completely. I am going to be exhausted. I feel like I should be scheduling my nervous breakdown. It'll be a doozy.

Mama Ball Says

2006-08-28T19:24:00.000-05:00

It's been six days since my mother-in-law passed away. This has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life, and there's more to be done. I took today off work, and tomorrow also, just so I can get my sanity restored a little. I haven't been sleeping well at night for the last few weeks anyway, and this morning I went to see my favorite doc for three or four nights' assistance. I think I just need to get myself in the habit of sleeping through the night, or at least give myself a break of a few nights where I really sleep so I can make it through going back to work on Wednesday and Jake's first day of kindergarten.
I realized last Thursday night that, at 37, I have become the de facto matriarch of this family. I've seen the job. I don't think I want it, but I don't think I have much choice in the matter.